give the wife a sudoku book to challenge her.
Seriously though, not worth it at this point in her life.
Seriously though, not worth it at this point in her life.
Oh, she doesn't like her managers? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called "EVERYBODY," and they meet at the bar.
How many? None, and BTW I know some couples that are both doctors and both got started much earlier than your wife--as in two doctors.How many couples at 50-55 years old can say they have a house paid off, a million or more in the bank, one spouse retired, and the other working part time and still making $150,000+? At that point an extra shift a week every now and then covers any vacation we'd want or college expenses for the kids.
It's that 10 year stretch setting it up that I really just don't know how to digest and say "yeah, lets do this".
That's where some of my selfishness is being teased.
Fwiw OP I saw an article on dailymail.co.uk a couple weeks back it said that almost half of current US medical doctors would not do medicine again.
Debt is fvcking insane and you work your ass off a lot of hours. It just is not a great career for one who wants to be around their kids. That is the reality of it. It is prestigious as a career but you will see your kids less.
Some other great posts here, hate to pick a favorite, but #137 is right. You are in a pickle
Have you entered all of this into a spreadsheet? I think it's important to model it on reasonable assumptions, then "shock" it by adjusting towards the worst-case scenario. Do the existing student loans stop accruing interest if/when she goes back to school?She'd be leaving a $125,000+ a year job. She'd have to cash out a 120k 401k to give enough of a blanket to pay mortgage, day care, taxes, 2nd apartment ect. She wouldn't be accrueing any more money into her retirement funds during that time. And mine would be scaled back to the bare minimum.
On top of the lost income, she already has a $70,000 student loan debt for her first round of schooling. Over the 4 years of med school that'd likely inflate up to $250k. During residency she'd at least be making $45,000 or so and we could maybe start using that income to pay back down stuff.
But the golden light at the end of that 7 year tunnel is that she'd be looking at a $350k+ salary (mal practice is covered by the employer) and more control over her career and life.
"First year of Med School is 2 hours away so she'd have to rent an apartment and live there for a year while I solo it with kids"
Deal breaker
Possibility, absolutely. Upshot is that where we are is a "good" program but not a desireable one. It's no where near a competive program where your qualified/desirable applicants far outweigh the available positions.
Have you entered all of this into a spreadsheet? I think it's important to model it on reasonable assumptions, then "shock" it by adjusting towards the worst-case scenario. Do the existing student loans stop accruing interest if/when she goes back to school?
Tell her to stay home and take care of the kids already like she's supposed to. Give them illusions of grandeur with "doctor" shit and they'll never learn their place.
Her first obligation is to you, her second to the children. Anything that negatively impacts her relationships with you and them shouldn't be an option.
Her third obligation is to protect the financial integrity of the family. If she can hang with her current job for a couple of years, get that old debt paid off and some serious money accrued to cover her schooling, that might be a good time to re-evaluation the situation.
But moving away from her husband and kids for two years should never be seriously considered.
Choices have consequences, and she should honor the ones she's already made.
Well, nothing is 100% predictable in life. If they decide they don't like it, they can quit and do something else... which sounds like what she wants to do. She did pharm, and is sick of it.It's an unfortunate truth that many doctors start young and naive. How in the world can an intelligently motivated 20yo young adult possibly know the consequences of trading the next 10 years of their lives(which theyll never get back) in exchange for dedicating the rest of their lives in service to other people's medical problems?
Life goals do change, and one adjusts accordingly. The thing about medicine is that if she decides she doesn't want to do emerg medicine anymore, that doesn't mean she has to leave medicine. There are a bazillion other options still available, and most will still pay significantly more than what she's making now.Moreover, how can one know whether or not the training process will change their life goals?
Actually in this context, often times the spouse will get a significant portion of the future earnings, if s/he supported the doctor and the family during the training years.Hate to play "worst case senario" but what if she makes it through all this and ends up leaving you because of the strain it took out on her? She'll have her new $350k gig and you'll have no 401k savings and will be 7 years behind of where you are now financially.
She gets house. She gets kids. She gets child support. You get to start over at 50.
And please don't say "Well, that could never happen to OUR marriage" because it can. Happens every day.
If it's early 30s, it's not really a mid-life crisis. Early 30s is still pretty young. OTOH, it might be a completely different story if she were 50.Agreed. This seems like a mid-life crisis. As much as she wants to be a doctor, she had 15 years or so to do that and didn't. She is really screwing the rest of the family over by doing this, in terms of making everyone make huge sacrifices.
umm wow talk about turning your life upside down, that would be a huge huge strain on your marriage and especially your kids. they wont have a mom at all it would be like you are divorced. i commend her on her desire to be a doc but you guys got a family now, she makes a really nice salary and you guys are stable and solid. why fuck that up.
On top of the lost income, she already has a $70,000 student loan debt for her first round of schooling. Over the 4 years of med school that'd likely inflate up to $250k. During residency she'd at least be making $45,000 or so and we could maybe start using that income to pay back down stuff.
reply of the week. straight gold.
You know in reality from a financial model, she could put herself in a 'students' economic life, save the difference from her $125k salary (which will probably grow to $135k+ in the length of medical school) and retire by 45-50 instead.
If becoming a doctor though is her passion and she's not chasing a paycheck then nothing will change that. The longer she waits the harder to impossible it will be for her to be accepted to any medical school.
School loans can usually be put on forebearence or the payments made extremely small during re-education. Interest still accrues though.
As said above and I agree, most doctors are working for their retirement and sacrificing living 'today'. Many of the ones you see in their late 20's with big houses and cars were from wealthy families or landed in positions akin to becoming an major actor, athlete, or rock star. For every doc making a million plus there are some making $60-75k (or less) in a farming town.
It's pretty unusual for an established North American doc to make only $60000 as a non-trainee, unless they're only working 3 days a week or something with a light schedule each day.
Furthermore if the doc in a farming town, it's often very difficult to only work 3 days a week, because there may be no other docs around to cover the off-time.