Women.......I don't understand them

[OneOfTheseDays]

Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

 

[PurdueRy]

All girls say that, just keep at it and she will get past it. Trust me, I was in the exact same situation

 

[her209]

Cut your losses and move on.

 

[bradruth]

Hey, she studied a broad for two years...that should be a red flag for ya.
















HAH! That joke NEVER gets old.

 

[BobDaMenkey]

Women.......I don't understand them

You're not suppost to.

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: bradruth
Hey, she studied a broad for two years...that should be a red flag for ya.

HAH! That joke NEVER gets old.

it just did

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: her209
Cut your losses and move on.

I wouldn't have my current gf If I did that

 

[Zugzwang152]

it's her choice, continue to be friends if you enjoy her company, and find another person to satisfy your urges.

 

[SampSon]

Why would you want to understand them?

 

[sezerb]

Just keep at it. From the sounds of it she wants to be more than friends too. She just doesn't know it yet

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: PurdueRy
All girls say that, just keep at it and she will get past it. Trust me, I was in the exact same situation

I honestly don't know if that would work and don't know if I have the energy for that. I'm more inclined at this point to just cut my losses and walk away.

It sucks because I care about her a lot, and this almost feels like a breakup for some reason. I'm gonna miss hanging out with her, but I know I would feel a lot worse if I was still around her.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: her209
Cut your losses and move on.

I wouldn't have my current gf If I did that

Yes, but in most cases the guy only ends up getting used by sticking around. There's more fish in the sea.

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: PurdueRy
All girls say that, just keep at it and she will get past it. Trust me, I was in the exact same situation

I honestly don't know if that would work and don't know if I have the energy for that. I'm more inclined at this point to just cut my losses and walk away.

It sucks because I care about her a lot, and this almost feels like a breakup for some reason. I'm gonna miss hanging out with her, but I know I would feel a lot worse if I was still around her.

It really doesn't take energy, just continue being friends with her. You two will grow closer with time. Persistance sometimes pays off

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: her209
Cut your losses and move on.

I wouldn't have my current gf If I did that

Yes, but in most cases the guy only ends up getting used by sticking around. There's more fish in the sea.

True, but I guess I really feel lucky that I didn't choose to give up.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: PurdueRy
All girls say that, just keep at it and she will get past it. Trust me, I was in the exact same situation

I honestly don't know if that would work and don't know if I have the energy for that. I'm more inclined at this point to just cut my losses and walk away.

It sucks because I care about her a lot, and this almost feels like a breakup for some reason. I'm gonna miss hanging out with her, but I know I would feel a lot worse if I was still around her.

If she really wants to be with you, she'll come back, at which time you can decide if you want to be with her or not. Don't sacrifice yourself for something that may/may not happen.

 

[SpunkyJones]

If we understood them there wouldn't be any need for whiskey and mild sedatives. Just remain friends with her, carry on with life and see what happens.

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: bradruth
Hey, she studied a broad for two years...that should be a red flag for ya.

HAH! That joke NEVER gets old.

it just did

 

[Shadowknight]

Most of the time, sticking around in that situation winds up making you twist in the wind. Move on.

 

[shimsham]

it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

 

[Howard]

It's because you're a niggard.

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

In my situation the tables turned. She told me she didn't want to lose her "best friend" so I asked her:

"If the person you choose to date isn't good enough to be your best friend...why would you be dating him at all?"

She didn't have an answer . We started dating soon after

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

In my situation the tables turned. She told me she didn't want to lose her "best friend" so I asked her:

"If the person you choose to date isn't good enough to be your best friend...why would you be dating him at all?"

She didn't have an answer . We started dating soon after

well she did tell me that I'm the only guy she's been friends with for this long. i don't know, it shouldn't be this difficult. i feel like she makes the whole situation difficult by wondering about all of these what-ifs.

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

In my situation the tables turned. She told me she didn't want to lose her "best friend" so I asked her:

"If the person you choose to date isn't good enough to be your best friend...why would you be dating him at all?"

She didn't have an answer . We started dating soon after

well she did tell me that I'm the only guy she's been friends with for this long. i don't know, it shouldn't be this difficult. i feel like she makes the whole situation difficult by wondering about all of these what-ifs.

Just keep being friends. If you guys continue getting closer, theres nothing saying you can't ask her again

 

[PowerEngineer]

Well, I'm sure there have been cases where someone has really meant what they said about not ruining a friendship-- but very rarely. This is usually said by the person who isn't really physically atrracted to the other. If you stay on, you're more likely than not going to be disappointed.