Women.......I don't understand them

[OdiN]

Understanding women is the easiest thing on the planet. I cannot believe that I see so many confused guys out there.

I mean the first thing that you need to do is just simply realize that all women are mentally unstable and insane.

Once you realize this, the only other thing that you must do is drug them up real good to "chemically balance" out their brains. This has side effects of sleepiness, communication problems and such. But that's also a plus. They can't complain, they can't tell you to do this or do that, and they can't object to anything! It's great.

Trust me - this will fix all your problems.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

I've been around plenty of women to know that they consider the ones that tend to stick around after being rejected to be stalkers/doormats.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

Ask her why she wouldn't want to become involved with someone who wasn't her friend. Logically that's a mistake.

 

[sixone]

If you can really be her friend, then go for it. But if you can't give up all hope of anything more, or if you can't act at all times like you are just friends, then you need to be honest with her about that, and cut off all contact. Why stick around to be kicked in the nuts every time she reminds you that she doesn't want you that way? How are you going to handle it when she wants to tell you about the new guy she just met? Can you behave as tho you're happy and excited for her? If you can't, then don't go down that road.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: djheater
Ask her why she wouldn't want to become involved with someone who wasn't her friend. Logically that's a mistake.

Double negative.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

I've been around plenty of women to know that they consider the ones that tend to stick around after being rejected to be stalkers/doormats.

that all depends on how the guy acts. if he acts like a stalker or doormat, sure. but if he just continues to be a friend, without all the angst of his unreturned love, then he will get treated fine.

the guy is in control of how he acts, and the female will react accordingly. if the guy acts like its not a big deal and moves on to other women, then his stock with the original woman will soar if she is really interested but not sure.

 

[Ricochet]

Originally posted by: PowerEngineer
Well, I'm sure there have been cases where someone has really meant what they said about not ruining a friendship-- but very rarely. This is usually said by the person who isn't really physically atrracted to the other. If you stay on, you're more likely than not going to be disappointed.

That's exactly how I see it as well. Best to cut off your relationship because it's only gonna get awkward from then on anyway. Starting from the friend zone is a long uphill battle. It's akin to a "hail Mary". Few are lucky enough to obtain the desired result. The rest have to dwell with heartache.

Assuming the OP's friend is relatively young, she's still attracted to the alpha male type and the OP cannot fill that role.

 

[pcnerd37]

I have been in this type of situation around a half dozen times or so. My most recent time was about 3 weeks ago. As much as i have always liked this friend of mine, i knew nothing would ever happen and that my feelings would never change, so i have cut off all contact. Unfortunately i will have to see her on the 26th, but after that i dont care if i ever see her again. And for those thinking that this girl never mattered to me, she was my best friend for the past 3 years. Trust me when i say its always better to cut off contact and look for somebody else.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: ricochet

Originally posted by: PowerEngineer
Well, I'm sure there have been cases where someone has really meant what they said about not ruining a friendship-- but very rarely. This is usually said by the person who isn't really physically atrracted to the other. If you stay on, you're more likely than not going to be disappointed.

That's exactly how I see it as well. Best to cut off your relationship because it's only gonna get awkward from then on anyway. Starting from the friend zone is a long uphill battle. It's akin to a "hail Mary". Few are lucky enough to obtain the desired result. The rest have to dwell with heartache.

Assuming the OP's friend is relatively young, she's still attracted to the alpha male type and the OP cannot fill that role.

haha, well i guess your right. the only thing that threw me off is the flirting that went on. she really had me guessing the entire time where she stood. i should have trusted my instincts from the getgo instead of second guessing myself.

if she wants a guy friend to talk to about her sexcapades and boyfriends, i'm just not that kind of guy. i guess i'm realizing more and more that i made the absolute right choice in this case.

 

[Ricochet]

I'm telling you because I been there. For some women flirting is no big deal at all. Women loves attention (especially flattery) even from her guy friends, but don't expect to get anywhere sexually with her.

 

[EGGO]

There mustn't be a mutual reaction if she doesn't want anything sexual as well, right?

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: sezerb
Just keep at it. From the sounds of it she wants to be more than friends too. She just doesn't know it yet

Or she does know it, but just wants you to try harder.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

i'm realizing that she probably flirted with me because she just liked the attention.

well screw that sh!t, she can get that from someone else.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
i'm realizing that she probably flirted with me because she just liked the attention.

well screw that sh!t, she can get that from someone else.

Amen, brother. Let her find someone else to use.

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

you're just saving yourself from being in an incredibly awkward situation where she is just your friend, and you want her. Having said that, but cutting off contact with her, you're ensuring that she's going to want to bone you soon. Good job!!

 

[LordNoob]

In my opinion, a common misconception is that in these type of situations you have to "do" something. If she really wanted to date you, your friendship would not be a barrier at all. I would suggest you simply do nothing. If you stop showing interest it will drive her crazy. Date other girls. It may not get you this girl, but there are plenty of other options out there. I am not going to say anything stupid like "if its meant to be it will be", as I don't believe that at all. However, if you just sit on this one, it may pay dividends on the future.

Cliffs:

1. do 'nothing'.
2. see other girls
3...
4. profit

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

Why does it feel like I am the only one who agrees with shimsham?

OP reminds me of morons who date girls. Then if guy cant get in girls pants within a week, he breaks up with her... no matter how much fun they have together. Whiney little baby who throws a temper tantrum because he cant have his own way.


I want to know why Op thinks the situatio will only get worse?


My advice... is to stay friends, and she'll eventually come around. girls almost always marry their best friend, because who else can they stand to spend the rest of their life with. She is probably just not ready for a long term committment (your both only freshman and young yet, time to browse around), and is afraid of a breakup. Wait it out and she'll come around, maybe closer to graduation.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

Why does it feel like I am the only one who agrees with shimsham?

OP reminds me of morons who date girls. Then if guy cant get in girls pants within a week, he breaks up with her... no matter how much fun they have together. Whiney little baby who throws a temper tantrum because he cant have his own way.


I want to know why Op thinks the situatio will only get worse?


My advice... is to stay friends, and she'll eventually come around. girls almost always marry their best friend, because who else can they stand to spend the rest of their life with. She is probably just not ready for a long term committment (your both only freshman and young yet, time to browse around), and is afraid of a breakup. Wait it out and she'll come around, maybe closer to graduation.

btw we are both seniors in college, not freshman. to answer your question, i just don't have the heart to wait it out and put myself through unnecessary pain. i've learned over the years that sometimes the best course of action is to simply remove oneself from the situation and let time pass by.

 

[kmrivers]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

Why does it feel like I am the only one who agrees with shimsham?

OP reminds me of morons who date girls. Then if guy cant get in girls pants within a week, he breaks up with her... no matter how much fun they have together. Whiney little baby who throws a temper tantrum because he cant have his own way.


I want to know why Op thinks the situatio will only get worse?


My advice... is to stay friends, and she'll eventually come around. girls almost always marry their best friend, because who else can they stand to spend the rest of their life with. She is probably just not ready for a long term committment (your both only freshman and young yet, time to browse around), and is afraid of a breakup. Wait it out and she'll come around, maybe closer to graduation.

btw we are both seniors in college, not freshman. to answer your question, i just don't have the heart to wait it out and put myself through unnecessary pain. i've learned over the years that sometimes the best course of action is to simply remove oneself from the situation and let time pass by.

It is not like you love her, or you have some long history. I am not seeing the pain that you think you will have. If she is great, just be her friend. Don't push, if she has to tell you that she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, I imagine you went a little too far.

I agree with what shimsham said. Don't ditch her because you can't get your way. It doesn't really sound like you care about her, only about what you want. Maybe you should drop her, she would be better off. Because you are obviously not a very good friend.

 

[TXHokie]

Take it from a married guy - don't try to understand women. When you do, you will be gay.

 

[Crucial]

Stick around long enough to date some other girls and start talking to her about them like a "friend" should. You will find out soon enough how she really feels about you.

 

[kmrivers]

 

[kmrivers]

Originally posted by: TXHokie
Take it from a married guy - don't try to understand women. When you do, you will be gay.

The guys on this forum are the most insensitive aholes on the face of the planet. This comment proves it. start flames.

 

[zephyrprime]

Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

If you could actually turn off your emotions, than staying her friend would be possible. But I read that you already know that you can't just "turn off" your feelings for her can you? I couldn't do that either. You let it get too far and didn't know better so all you can do now is scuttle the ship.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

 

[Scarpozzi]

Originally posted by: her209
Cut your losses and move on.

QFT. Once you're in the friend zone, you either have to step up and make a move to bump yourself out of it or move on. If you want, try one last time to make a move on her, but make it bold and sweep her off her feet. Anything less and you'll never get another shot.