Women.......I don't understand them

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

its not playing hard to get. its having the maturity and fortitude to move on when you dont get what you want in life, instead of letting your course of actions being ruled by emotions and throwing away a good friendship.

in her view, if he cant handle the rejection without being so drastic hes probably not gonna handle other things in life and a relationship all that well (not saying thats true of the op, just speculating on her thoughts) so she wont care if he runs away and he loses out on all fronts.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

its not playing hard to get. its having the maturity and fortitude to move on when you dont get what you want in life, instead of letting your course of actions being ruled by emotions and throwing away a good friendship.

in her view, if he cant handle the rejection without being so drastic hes probably not gonna handle other things in life and a relationship all that well (not saying thats true of the op, just speculating on her thoughts) so she wont care if he runs away and he loses out on all fronts.

well now i'm conflicted. on the one hand, shimsham you are correct in that it's stupid to just throw away a good friendship because it isn't turning out how i'd like it to. on the other hand, it's foolish to stay in a situation that you know will only cause you grief.

 

[kmrivers]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

its not playing hard to get. its having the maturity and fortitude to move on when you dont get what you want in life, instead of letting your course of actions being ruled by emotions and throwing away a good friendship.

in her view, if he cant handle the rejection without being so drastic hes probably not gonna handle other things in life and a relationship all that well (not saying thats true of the op, just speculating on her thoughts) so she wont care if he runs away and he loses out on all fronts.

well now i'm conflicted. on the one hand, shimsham you are correct in that it's stupid to just throw away a good friendship because it isn't turning out how i'd like it to. on the other hand, it's foolish to stay in a situation that you know will only cause you grief.

How will it cause you grief?

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: PurdueRy

Originally posted by: her209
Cut your losses and move on.

I wouldn't have my current gf If I did that

Same here. 4 years and going strong.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: TXHokie
Take it from a married guy - don't try to understand women. When you do, you will be gay.

hahahahahaha

 

[DaShen]

Keep going after her if there is a mutual attraction. Tell her "it is worth the risk." Eventually she will give in or she won't. In which case, if she doesn't, you can then write a YAGT and get p0wnd.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: LordNoob
In my opinion, a common misconception is that in these type of situations you have to "do" something. If she really wanted to date you, your friendship would not be a barrier at all. I would suggest you simply do nothing. If you stop showing interest it will drive her crazy. Date other girls. It may not get you this girl, but there are plenty of other options out there. I am not going to say anything stupid like "if its meant to be it will be", as I don't believe that at all. However, if you just sit on this one, it may pay dividends on the future.

Cliffs:

1. do 'nothing'.
2. see other girls
3...
4. profit

Actually, this is good advice.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: LordNoob
In my opinion, a common misconception is that in these type of situations you have to "do" something. If she really wanted to date you, your friendship would not be a barrier at all. I would suggest you simply do nothing. If you stop showing interest it will drive her crazy. Date other girls. It may not get you this girl, but there are plenty of other options out there. I am not going to say anything stupid like "if its meant to be it will be", as I don't believe that at all. However, if you just sit on this one, it may pay dividends on the future.

Cliffs:

1. do 'nothing'.
2. see other girls
3...
4. profit

Actually, this is good advice.

haha, i was thinking the same thing too. it definitely requires the least amount of thought.

 

[TXHokie]

Originally posted by: kmrivers

Originally posted by: TXHokie
Take it from a married guy - don't try to understand women. When you do, you will be gay.

The guys on this forum are the most insensitive aholes on the face of the planet. This comment proves it. start flames.

How so? The way I see it, I make all my decision based on logic while my wife make her decisions based on emotion. The middle ground is where we agree to co-exist. I don't have to make her see my way all the time nor do I force her to see my way. It's worked well.
Take a chill pill.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

I guess nobody remembers this.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

I guess nobody remembers this.

i can't believe you do man. at first i thought you were just saying something completely random, but then i realized that you might be referencing a 1-2 year old thread about the word niggardly. man your memory is amazing.

 

[MisterJackson]

she said she doesn't WANT it to ruin your friendship. She didn't say "No I won't date you BECAUSE IT WILL ruin our friendship."

Just tell her what she wants to hear "Honey, our great friendship is what will be the rock solid foundation to build a lasting relationship on. Therefore, it will only help us grow stronger and be together longer. In the UNLIKELY event that we split in the end (which of course you will) I will never lose my respect for you as my friend. I care about our friendship too much to let something like that destroy it."

In other words, lie through your teeth.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

Why does it feel like I am the only one who agrees with shimsham?

OP reminds me of morons who date girls. Then if guy cant get in girls pants within a week, he breaks up with her... no matter how much fun they have together. Whiney little baby who throws a temper tantrum because he cant have his own way.


I want to know why Op thinks the situatio will only get worse?


My advice... is to stay friends, and she'll eventually come around. girls almost always marry their best friend, because who else can they stand to spend the rest of their life with. She is probably just not ready for a long term committment (your both only freshman and young yet, time to browse around), and is afraid of a breakup. Wait it out and she'll come around, maybe closer to graduation.

btw we are both seniors in college, not freshman. to answer your question, i just don't have the heart to wait it out and put myself through unnecessary pain. i've learned over the years that sometimes the best course of action is to simply remove oneself from the situation and let time pass by.

Original Post:

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

Conflicting information?

BTW... if your experiencing grief over a relationship/breakup that never happened...
I think you are obsessed, you need help man.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

its not playing hard to get. its having the maturity and fortitude to move on when you dont get what you want in life, instead of letting your course of actions being ruled by emotions and throwing away a good friendship.

in her view, if he cant handle the rejection without being so drastic hes probably not gonna handle other things in life and a relationship all that well (not saying thats true of the op, just speculating on her thoughts) so she wont care if he runs away and he loses out on all fronts.

Who cares though? He wants her. She doesn't want him. He isn't going to lose anything by moving on, he doesn't have anything to lose. Oh noes! She doesn't like the way he handles rejection...now she won't date him...just like she wasn't going to anyway. Boo hoo!

Why would you want to be friends with her...just to pine of something you can't have all day? Sounds like a good way to punish yourself all day for no good reason.

 

[ForumMaster]

you're not supposed to. women are a complicated species that can be understood on rare occasions to say the least.

 

[robothouse77]

humans are fun and interesting, no?

 

[hypn0tik]

Women can't understand other women half the time. We have no chance.

 

[ValkyrieofHouston]

I guess you never intended to be her friend then, sounds like you had an alterior motive from the get go...

I mean really, this doesn't make sense to me. If you were her friend to begin with even though you may have a strong physical attraction to her you would still respect her feelings and would continue the friendship.

Just how I see it.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

That is her nice way of saying she isn't interested,

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

LOL Politicians' careers have been ruined by using that word.

 

[JS80]

1) Get new girl
2) show off new girl in front of one from topic
3) get her jealous
4) ...
5) FTW or FTL

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

is it even possible to remain strictly friends with a girl you are attracted to?

 

[Runes911]

Originally posted by: sixone
If you can really be her friend, then go for it. But if you can't give up all hope of anything more, or if you can't act at all times like you are just friends, then you need to be honest with her about that, and cut off all contact. Why stick around to be kicked in the nuts every time she reminds you that she doesn't want you that way? How are you going to handle it when she wants to tell you about the new guy she just met? Can you behave as tho you're happy and excited for her? If you can't, then don't go down that road.

Best advice. I suggest taking it.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

I guess nobody remembers this.

i can't believe you do man. at first i thought you were just saying something completely random, but then i realized that you might be referencing a 1-2 year old thread about the word niggardly. man your memory is amazing.

Yes. Perhaps you should have researched the word before you spouted off your ignorant opinion.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

I guess nobody remembers this.

i can't believe you do man. at first i thought you were just saying something completely random, but then i realized that you might be referencing a 1-2 year old thread about the word niggardly. man your memory is amazing.

Yes. Perhaps you should have researched the word before you spouted off your ignorant opinion.

haha, you still holding a grudge for that sh!t?