Women.......I don't understand them

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
is it even possible to remain strictly friends with a girl you are attracted to?

Completely depends on what you mean by attracted.

If your deeply in love with this girl, then no - its impossible.

If you just really like her, are attracted and so forth - then its not near as difficult. Think of it like this, when she comes to you and says "This guy I'm going out with tonight is soooo hot." What emotion arises inside of you? And later, after the date when she confesses to you that they had sex, again what emotions arise?

 

[SZLiao214]

Friend zoned, so painful! That tends to happen to me a lot. If you can go after her without things becoming to weird between you two, i think you should go for it. If not, keep her as a friend and maybe try down the road.

 

[Runes911]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: shimsham
it always cracks me up to see guys saying things like this. "i care for her, but if i dont get my way, im cutting off contact." wtf is that? all that will do is confirm that her reservations for not wanting to go further were grounded in fact (ie she dodged an asshole).

if you care for her, then why ditch her just because she doesnt want the same things you want? i mean, if shes so great and you like hanging out with her, then why throw that away? just because you dont get your way? youre 100% to not get what you want if you act like that.

btw, dont want to ruin the friendship is womanese for she doesnt want you in that way.

edit: and you can still be friends without getting fvcked over or left out to dry. just move on to other women to date and bang on.

yea trust me I know your right, but why stick around a situation that you know will only get worse.

Why does it feel like I am the only one who agrees with shimsham?

OP reminds me of morons who date girls. Then if guy cant get in girls pants within a week, he breaks up with her... no matter how much fun they have together. Whiney little baby who throws a temper tantrum because he cant have his own way.


I want to know why Op thinks the situatio will only get worse?


My advice... is to stay friends, and she'll eventually come around. girls almost always marry their best friend, because who else can they stand to spend the rest of their life with. She is probably just not ready for a long term committment (your both only freshman and young yet, time to browse around), and is afraid of a breakup. Wait it out and she'll come around, maybe closer to graduation.

btw we are both seniors in college, not freshman. to answer your question, i just don't have the heart to wait it out and put myself through unnecessary pain. i've learned over the years that sometimes the best course of action is to simply remove oneself from the situation and let time pass by.

Original Post:

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Me and girl are friends in college freshman year. She studies abroad for 2 years and we meet up again a few months ago. We get along great, and there is definitely a mutual attraction. I make it clear my intentions are to be more than friends (i.e. FWB). She tells me that even though she is attracted to me she can't go through with it because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I've decided to simply cut off contact with her because I think sticking around any longer would put me in a position that I just don't want to be in. I mean I don't want to just be her friend, and I think that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation.

Am I being an asshole here and being too selfish?

Conflicting information?

BTW... if your experiencing grief over a relationship/breakup that never happened...
I think you are obsessed, you need help man.

LOL! Read the VERY NEXT sentence after the part you bolded.

 

[Eeezee]

Here's what I think you should do

Ignore her for awhile, maybe don't hang out for a week. Next time you speak to her, ask her out again. If she says no, ignore her for a little longer, two weeks, and ask her out again. If she says no, extend it to a month and ask her out again. At this point she'll get the hint that you want to be more than friends. If she was honest in what she told you, then she'll agree. If she lied to you and isn't attracted to you, then she'll disagree. If she disagrees, then hightail it out of there and move on.

 

[zephyrprime]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
is it even possible to remain strictly friends with a girl you are attracted to?

Sadly no.


Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Hey Sudheer, just for yucks, could you go take this quiz mentioned in this thread? thread

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: zephyrprime

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
is it even possible to remain strictly friends with a girl you are attracted to?

Sadly no.


Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Hey Sudheer, just for yucks, could you go take this quiz mentioned in this thread? thread

hehe, i'm thinking i should email that dialogue to her.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: Howard
It's because you're a niggard.

I guess nobody remembers this.

i can't believe you do man. at first i thought you were just saying something completely random, but then i realized that you might be referencing a 1-2 year old thread about the word niggardly. man your memory is amazing.

Yes. Perhaps you should have researched the word before you spouted off your ignorant opinion.

haha, you still holding a grudge for that sh!t?

No, not really, but it was (and still is, to me) rather amusing.

 

[greys2k]

cut it 0ff

y0u @r3 in it f0r th3 n00ki3 - cl3@rly $h3'$ n0t
if y0u w@nt @ d!ckt3@$3 y0u g0t0 @ nudy b@r

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Saying she only wants to be friends means that she's not attracted to you. Either you're not good looking enough or not alpha-male enough for her tastes. This is hard for you to accept (I know because I've been there) since you are already her friend and already care for her but it's true. The converse of this situation would be if one of your fat female friends started hitting on you.

You're wise beyond your years to know that you should just move on if you can't get over your emotional attachment to her while around her. (It's ironic though that one of the only things you could do to get her to like you is to see other women. This is called "playing hard to get". In popular culture, playing hard to get is something that women do but it seems to me that's it's something that's more effective when done by a male jackass than by a woman.)

its not playing hard to get. its having the maturity and fortitude to move on when you dont get what you want in life, instead of letting your course of actions being ruled by emotions and throwing away a good friendship.

in her view, if he cant handle the rejection without being so drastic hes probably not gonna handle other things in life and a relationship all that well (not saying thats true of the op, just speculating on her thoughts) so she wont care if he runs away and he loses out on all fronts.

Who cares though? He wants her. She doesn't want him. He isn't going to lose anything by moving on, he doesn't have anything to lose. Oh noes! She doesn't like the way he handles rejection...now she won't date him...just like she wasn't going to anyway. Boo hoo!

Why would you want to be friends with her...just to pine of something you can't have all day? Sounds like a good way to punish yourself all day for no good reason.

if he thinks hes losing nothing, then sure, just move on and forget about her. but he says theyve been good friends for a long time, and that should account for something. if it doesnt, then i dont see where there is any question about what he should do.

if he really wants to be with her, it will require some effort if she has reservations. if hes willing to work at it, then so be it. but if he just wants to cut and run, then he cant care that much for her in the first place.

in the op, he says FWB, not a long relationship. so maybe she doesnt want to just fvck him if thats all it will be. FWB rarely works out well for the woman. usually once the guy gets what he wants, he done with her and shes left feeling used. so i can see where she has reservations.

 

[ColdFusion718]

Take her out on a romantic date sometime. At the end of the night, you have to kiss her, say whatever cheesy lie necessary. You absolutely HAVE to kiss her.

If she is attracted to you, a moment of passion is all it takes to make her take the plunge. Don't try to convince her with logic or reassurance. This is a female we're talking about here. They function mostly on feelings/hormones and little on logic.

Set up the correct mood and she'll be yours before you know it. If you try and kiss her and she says something like, "I don't know if we should, I don't want to ruin our friendship." Look her in the eyes for a few seconds (don't blink), then whisper to her, "Just shut up and kiss me." Then go for it. I'm serious.

 

[Anghang]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
i'm realizing that she probably flirted with me because she just liked the attention.

well screw that sh!t, she can get that from someone else.

QFT.

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
is it even possible to remain strictly friends with a girl you are attracted to?

no.