- Jul 11, 2004
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No cliffs. I don't care if you read it or not. In fact, I think I'd prefer you don't.
This wasn't just a normal nightmare. This involved all sorts of things about my childhood, my recently deceased mother, and other things. It really bothered me.
I woke up and tried calling my girlfriend, but she didn't answer (It was 2.30am or so). So I wrote this as a way of calming myself down. I figured I would share since I already wrote it. If anybody cares or responds, thats just a bonus.
Its 3am right now and I?ve had 30 minutes of sleep tonight, probably most of which was spent having these nightmares. This writing is probably terrible. I can barely read it without my contacts in.
Writing this made me feel a lot better. I don?t know why. I?ve never done anything like this before. Maybe it was just a way of dealing with my emotions alone. I still don't want to go back to sleep, but I know I need to.
This wasn't just a normal nightmare. This involved all sorts of things about my childhood, my recently deceased mother, and other things. It really bothered me.
I woke up and tried calling my girlfriend, but she didn't answer (It was 2.30am or so). So I wrote this as a way of calming myself down. I figured I would share since I already wrote it. If anybody cares or responds, thats just a bonus.
Most disturbing nightmare of my life. As I start to write this, I am crying.
Not really crying though. I?m not strong enough to fully cry when I?m alone.
There was a thread on Anandtech about whether or not you appreciate your parents. I posted saying that I had neglected both of my parents, but that my mother had died before I realized it and got a chance to really appreciate her.
Tonight, soon after going to bed. I was hit by a series of nightmares. After a few of them, I realized they were nightmares and started acting accordingly. I thought about how to prove to myself they were nightmares so that I could escape them, but by the end the terror got to me and I started freaking out. I was freaking out in my dreams, screaming and shouting, not in real life.
I don?t really remember anything but the last few dreams. One of the earlier ones involved me on a motorcycle in a dark area being followed by another man on a motorcycle. I think the area was similar to where I grew up during most of my childhood. Another earlier dream was my driving into a really rough alley, I was trying to get away from something. I don?t remember what though.
The third to last dream involved me waking up and hearing a knocking on my door. Then I heard my dad?s voice. By this time, I knew I was having a nightmare. I cautiously opened the door and I?m not sure what happened, but I ended up freaking out and hitting my dad trying to wake up from the nightmare.
The second to last dream again involved my dad. I?m not sure where we were. Some house with a brick fireplace. Might have been the house we lived in when I was really young. Not sure. My instincts during the nightmare told me the house was a place my dad lived before I even existed, when my dad was in his early 20s (a house/apt I would know nothing about). Anyways. My dad (the older current version) was sitting on the ground and, once again, I?m not sure what happened but I ended up attacking him as well.
I think I partially woke up after both of those dreams, but the waking up might have been inside a large enclosing nightmare. Not sure I really woke up.
The last dream is the most disturbing. I have no idea where I was, but I remember exactly what happened. I saw my mother (who died a few months ago). She was approaching me. I started to push her away. I punched her in the head. I kicked her. Anything to keep her away from me. (remember, I knew this was a nightmare, so I knew no harm was being done). After a few tries and getting nowhere, I decided that maybe this was my chance to make up with her. Even though it was a dream and not real, I could still get some kind of emotional recovery from this. So instead of fighting with her, I reached out to hug her. I was above her, so I was just going to be able to hug her shoulders and her head. When I hugged her, [my memory gets fuzzy here] something threw me off and I knew this wasn?t a peaceful situation. I realized I was hugging a rotting corpse. This freaked the crap out of me and in my dream I was screaming and acting insane. I started fighting her off again. Then I woke up.
Its 3am right now and I?ve had 30 minutes of sleep tonight, probably most of which was spent having these nightmares. This writing is probably terrible. I can barely read it without my contacts in.
Writing this made me feel a lot better. I don?t know why. I?ve never done anything like this before. Maybe it was just a way of dealing with my emotions alone. I still don't want to go back to sleep, but I know I need to.