What you're describing is how dumb college kids with no life experience think about politics. In reality, a "conservative" leans towards maximizing individual freedom, and minimizing government intervention. A "liberal" prefers nanny government to decide what's best for everyone, and equalize the playing field for anyone who feels entitled to preferential treatment.
I'll respond to this with a copy/paste of a piece I wrote some time ago.
The Political Switcheroo
While debating an online piece dealing with firearm rights I found myself having to pause to give a history lesson about the very nature of our parties, and our founding ideology. I was amused that I seemed to always have to stop and give that piece of lecture whenever talking about this issue. On a whim I've decided to offer it here as well. Partly for its educational value to those who may not have ever caught me on the lecture circuit, and partly just so I can copy paste from it in the future when I have to give it again.
First know this: I am not a member of any political party. More than that, I am opposed to the very idea of political parties. I believe them to be anathema to liberty and more importantly to reason, which I hold sacred above all else. Stronger still is my abhorrence of reducing the entirety of political, economic, and social thought to a single axis of belief with only enough room for two parties of consequence (one for each side of the axis). Therefore when I tell you these things the bias does not rest to one side or the other, but completely apart from the machine which is the modern United States political landscape. It is still a bias, to be sure, but not one you may be used to.
Some people find that impossible to accept, and insist that I must be more to 'one side than the other'. While I don't believe this to be true, for the sake of argument I would concede that if I had to choose, I would be a liberal. I only require that you in turn acknowledge that when I say that, I mean an original core liberal, and not 'a democrat'. So what is the difference? The difference is the point of this piece.
Faulty though it may be, modern citizens of the United States label the political mono-axis Liberal v Conservative. The parties which embrace these labels then go on to explain how liberals are all about progress and change, and conservatives are about traditional American values. I'm here to tell you that they're either liars, ignorant, or at the very least dyslexic, because they've transposed their labels with their actual foundations.
I'll take a moment here to inform you all that this ideological dichotomy actually has no history in our national heritage. While we've always had two dominate political 'parties', they were originally the single issue of states rights versus strong central federal government. Later they hinged on the issue of slavery, and after that they were split along industrial versus agricultural differences. At NO POINT in our formation and first century as a nation was there such a thing as we now describe as 'liberal or conservative'. EVERY American citizen was a liberal by definition.
You see, a liberal is an adherent of 'liberalism'. There are some different sub-categories of that broad idea (classical, social, etc), but the overall concept remains the same. The root of liberal is 'liber', which in the latin means simply 'free'. Liberalism, as a political construct, was the result of hundreds of years of oppression of the common man. It was an outcry against organized religion (specifically the power and dedicated ignorance of the the Roman Catholic and Anglican churches), hereditary classism, monarchies (ie the divine right of kings), serfdom, and ESPECIALLY intellectual commodities. Nearly all of the tenets of liberalism are simply a way to oppose those power bases. It was, in essence, the political road to freedom for the common man.
When the colonial citizens rose to overthrow their English rulers they were exercising liberalism. The nation that they formed, in letter and practice, was among the earliest and best examples of the enlightenment ideology of liberalism. They threw off inherited right and power, denied the church any political power, developed checks and balances against a powerful central ruling figure, elevated the yeoman farmer from serfdom to citizenship, and guaranteed the availability of academic, artistic, and intellectual pursuits for all.
That isn't to suggest that they were Godless men or a bunch of self-indulgent hippies mind you. It's merely that they imposed a separation between oppressive power bases (church, money, the power hungry) and politics which might impact the common man. They were all for individual freedoms in these areas. They were mostly religious, embraced fledgling capitalism, and revered leaders greatly. They just acted to keep those things from dictating law, or acting for the benefit of any but the masses. THAT is the basic makeup of a liberal, and what defined America as different from colonial England.
That's why modern partisanship is so funny to me. Conservatives, seeking to involve the church with the nation; reward and elevate the wealthy; and empower our rulers, claim to be the party 'of United States tradition'. Meanwhile 'liberals' look with horror upon anyone who would dare suggest the people should rise against a government seeking to restrict our liberties. What the right is actually trying to 'conserve' is colonial English rule, ala pre-revolution. What the left is seeking to 'liberate' is our individual rights and freedoms. Both are acting in exact opposition to their embraced definition.
Obviously from my standpoint both parties are ludicrous and damaging. However, since we can't seem to get rid of them and create a better system I at least wish everyone would take a moment to understand just what it is they're claiming to be, and respond in debates accordingly. Until then you'll understand why I smile and shake my head sadly whenever someone calls me a conservatard for carrying a weapon in defense against government oppression.