wow, so I'm an arsehole

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Jeff7
I guess I'm in the minority here. It seemed like a practical way of handling the situation. TechBoyJK already donates to other charities, and he wanted to know why this one was more deserving. Then, seeing that this one wasn't bringing in much, he offered to help. This offer was apparently misinterpreted. I think the misinterpretation came from the "I think you can do better than $25" part. I interpret that as "You can bring in more than $25 from other people to aid your cause." She interpreted it as an insult, in the context of "You only donated $25, and you should have given more."

Sometimes people don't want to say, "OMG LOOK AT ME! I'm so much better than you! Watch me wave my experience in your face!!!!"
Sometimes people simply have experience or knowledge, and they want to use it to help someone else.
But of course with kindness vs arrogance, we too often tend to assume it's arrogance. Charming.

you are partialy right. it was kind of him to offer to help. wich was refused the first time by ignoring it. ok i can understand him not getting the message then.

so eh offeres again. She lets him know she does not need it. its not something that really needs such expertise.

so what does he do? he insults her and makes light of her $25 and pretty much says without his expertise she won't do any better.

the fact is the OP has crap people skills. he should have seen the signs or not ignore them. Then he chooses his words very poorly.

to top it off eh DEMANDS a apology from her for it.

 

[randay]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: MaxDepth
Email message to her:
"Well, I tried to be helpful and even thought of donating to your cause. But for some reason you are ripping me a new one and I don't deserve it. Please do not contact me again if you persist in this behavior."

And then it'll be up to you to not contact her either. If she never emails or calls you again then you have to accept that too.

already did that. I basically said "we'll I'm sorry I poorly communicated my intentions, I don't blame you for misentrpreting. But I do think I deserve better, and as much as I owe you an apology not thinking of a better way to word things, you owe me one for reacting the way you did. For the first five minutes I was stunned because I didn't understand how I hurt your feelings.

I do have a full time job, and I'm strapped for cash because I'm moving soon. I normally give to my church which covers causes like yours. I have a big heart, and I can never decide what charities to give to, so I let my church decide.

I wasn't trying to insult you, or your donations, or your donors, just trying to give a good push in the right direction to help you get even more. That is all. I just thought I could help make a difference for you.

well it started out good. then you went all douchy again. the bolded could have been left out. YOU were acting like a dick to her. she gave you hints to back off you didnt. you kept pushing and pushing.

should be good to see if she messages you back heh

yea, well if she doesn't apologize for calling me an asshole and self centered, then I don't care if she talks to me.

but you were an asshole and self centered. that is what we are saying. you do not deserve a aplology you were in the wrong.

how was I self centered? I'm busy as hell and I offered to help her in more ways than just giving money.

wow you are a idiot.

all i know is my breasts are getting itchy, I think ill pop my top open and rub them a little.

 

[JEDIYoda]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.

I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?

regardless of your intent....you actually need to take a course on being tactful...especially with women...

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: Jeff7
I guess I'm in the minority here. It seemed like a practical way of handling the situation. TechBoyJK already donates to other charities, and he wanted to know why this one was more deserving. Then, seeing that this one wasn't bringing in much, he offered to help. This offer was apparently misinterpreted. I think the misinterpretation came from the "I think you can do better than $25" part. I interpret that as "You can bring in more than $25 from other people to aid your cause." She interpreted it as an insult, in the context of "You only donated $25, and you should have given more."

Sometimes people don't want to say, "OMG LOOK AT ME! I'm so much better than you! Watch me wave my experience in your face!!!!"
Sometimes people simply have experience or knowledge, and they want to use it to help someone else.
But of course with kindness vs arrogance, we too often tend to assume it's arrogance. Charming.

you are partialy right. it was kind of him to offer to help. wich was refused the first time by ignoring it. ok i can understand him not getting the message then.

so eh offeres again. She lets him know she does not need it. its not something that really needs such expertise.

so what does he do? he insults her and makes light of her $25 and pretty much says without his expertise she won't do any better.

the fact is the OP has crap people skills. he should have seen the signs or not ignore them. Then he chooses his words very poorly.

to top it off eh DEMANDS a apology from her for it.

She doesn't have to apologize if she doesn't want to, but she overreacted just the same. What I said may have been asshole like, and maybe I acted self centered, but she knows I've been heavily involved with charities, missions, and I have a big heart. For her to insult my overall character like that was not right. I didn't deserve it.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: Jeff7
I guess I'm in the minority here. It seemed like a practical way of handling the situation. TechBoyJK already donates to other charities, and he wanted to know why this one was more deserving. Then, seeing that this one wasn't bringing in much, he offered to help. This offer was apparently misinterpreted. I think the misinterpretation came from the "I think you can do better than $25" part. I interpret that as "You can bring in more than $25 from other people to aid your cause." She interpreted it as an insult, in the context of "You only donated $25, and you should have given more."

Sometimes people don't want to say, "OMG LOOK AT ME! I'm so much better than you! Watch me wave my experience in your face!!!!"
Sometimes people simply have experience or knowledge, and they want to use it to help someone else.
But of course with kindness vs arrogance, we too often tend to assume it's arrogance. Charming.

you are partialy right. it was kind of him to offer to help. wich was refused the first time by ignoring it. ok i can understand him not getting the message then.

so eh offeres again. She lets him know she does not need it. its not something that really needs such expertise.

so what does he do? he insults her and makes light of her $25 and pretty much says without his expertise she won't do any better.

the fact is the OP has crap people skills. he should have seen the signs or not ignore them. Then he chooses his words very poorly.

to top it off eh DEMANDS a apology from her for it.

She doesn't have to apologize if she doesn't want to, but she overreacted just the same. What I said may have been asshole like, and maybe I acted self centered, but she knows I've been heavily involved with charities, missions, and I have a big heart. For her to insult my overall character like that was not right. I didn't deserve it.

You're more concerned with being right, than mending the friendship. Might as well have not sent any email at all.

EDIT: for the record no one likes being told what to do, telling her she OWES you an apology again undermines her own capacity to decide for herself what action to take. I wouldn't blame her for not apologizing, she doesn't owe you anything, besides true apologies/forgiveness don''t arise out of obligation.

 

[pontifex]

you totally deserved it. you were being a total douchebag

 

[T9D]

Yeah you were being annoying as hell. I give you props for the good intention but you executed it very poorly. Need to work on being more tactful and less condescending and annoying.

 

[shortylickens]

You might not have worded it in the best way but she totally flipped out.

She needs a good spanking.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Wow, now you asked her for an apology? I hope she blocks your IP and files a restraining order.

I don't know whats worse your constant posting every time you meet(stalk) a new female and tag her as your next conquest, your baseless arrogance and inflated self worth, or your absolute denial of ever doing anything wrong despite a dozen people telling you your a douche. It appears you post these threads just too try and bolster your own self esteem and when nobody want's to play along you retreat into denial and propose many lame excuses.

 

[Capt Caveman]

You're an arsehole. You kept on pressing her even after she tried to drop it.

Now, have some make-up sex!

 

[RapidSnail]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
Thinking about donating, I message her, stating I normally give to my church and cancer missions are part of their overall plan. Putting the message in a "devil's advocate" form basically asking why I should give to her organization instead of my church, she just replies back with a brief "thanks for your consideration"

I think it was fine to ask about the charity so you know what's going on, but depending on your tone here, you could have just irritated her. (Hence the brief response.)

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
So I reply back asking her if I can help her on her sales tactics. I had my wallet open ready to give $25 as long as she acted like she really cared, instead she gives me no reason to donate to her instead.

I basically say hey, how serious are you? If you want, I'm pretty experienced in sales and I can help walk you through somethings that could mean the difference between someone giving or not.

This was not wise, especially if you specifically mentioned "sales tactics." If cancer runs in her family and you acted as if you wanted to run a pitch or advertisement, it might have made her think you were acting superficially. It would also be exasperated by the fact that it is breast cancer that's the problem. Most women would emotionally attach themselves to that sort of thing, and "selling" charity isn't exactly the best way to provide help.

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
She replies back "I don't think you get it. It's just an online run to raise money, it's not a fundraiser "event" per se, just a webpage to give money if you want. "

Right here you should have apologized for the misunderstanding, and given some money to help her out. Instead...

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
I reply back, basically saying "Oh, I get it now. I see the leaderboard, and you only have $25 so far. Like I said, if you want my help, I'm willing, as I think you can do better than $25"

I don't know if you were trying to be an ass because she's an ex or if you're just honestly scrupulous, but this quote is what did it for me. From the bold, it seems like you two had some sort of control issue when you were together, and this is your way of saying "FINE, be that way." (I might have read too far into that, but I can't tell without knowing you personally.)

wow. you're actually a bigger asshole than i remember. maybe don't insult my donation, because giving a fuck enough to give 25 is better than finding 100 reasons not to give like somepeople. for one, i'm unemployed and i probably give more of my time and resources to something other than my self-centered own self, and 2 i did give more then 25$, and so have other sponsors of mine. i just donated an extra 25 online so that there were some names on the online donation area.

I don't know if you deserved this, but I certainly wouldn't blame her for any misjudgment.

 

[Taejin]

The OP simply has no tact. Whether he wants to believe it or not, tact is still important, regardless of what the facts are. Until the OP realizes this, he will encounter more of these situations in life and walk around claiming that he didn't do anything wrong.

OP is pretty dense and seems socially incompetent. Either that or he is unwilling to admit or see major personal flaws.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
Reread what you did. You did come across like a classic ATOT know-it-all douchebag.

w3rd

 

[Gothgar]

from your post it seems as though you totally still dig this chick, just tell her.

 

[RapidSnail]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: MaxDepth
Email message to her:
"Well, I tried to be helpful and even thought of donating to your cause. But for some reason you are ripping me a new one and I don't deserve it. Please do not contact me again if you persist in this behavior."

And then it'll be up to you to not contact her either. If she never emails or calls you again then you have to accept that too.

already did that. I basically said "we'll I'm sorry I poorly communicated my intentions, I don't blame you for misentrpreting. But I do think I deserve better, and as much as I owe you an apology not thinking of a better way to word things, you owe me one for reacting the way you did. For the first five minutes I was stunned because I didn't understand how I hurt your feelings.

I do have a full time job, and I'm strapped for cash because I'm moving soon. I normally give to my church which covers causes like yours. I have a big heart, and I can never decide what charities to give to, so I let my church decide.

I wasn't trying to insult you, or your donations, or your donors, just trying to give a good push in the right direction to help you get even more. That is all. I just thought I could help make a difference for you.

I didn't see this...

but now that I have, you definitely sound like an asshole. Apologizing isn't about breaking even, it's about acknowledgment. Own up to hurting her even if you didn't intend to, and if she has a heart, she'll understand.

 

[theGlove]

lol yeah i'm going to side with the girl on this one. don't be so complicated next time lol

 

[TechBoyJK]

keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

 

[arkcom]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

hypersensitive much?

 

[RapidSnail]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

CANCER >>>>>>>> video games

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: RapidSnail

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

CANCER >>>>>>>> video games

o'rly?

 

[PlasmaBomb]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: RapidSnail

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

CANCER >>>>>>>> video games

o'rly?

Yeah rly

I hope you were being sarcastic.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: PlasmaBomb

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: RapidSnail

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
keep in mind, this girl used to come over, sit on my lap and play video games with me competitively. we were always like, I'm better than you, vice versa, but just in fun.

This wouldn't be the first time she's snapped on me, gone straight for my heart, only to come back and say she's over reacted.

CANCER >>>>>>>> video games

o'rly?

Yeah rly

I hope you were being sarcastic.

my grandma just died of it. yes, sarcastic.

 

[TheVrolok]

Sounds like the OP was overall rational and his woman was overly emotional. Bad combination, I can easily see it both ways.

 

[RichardE]

Yeah, you deserved that totally. I would apologize and donate after being that big of an asshole.

 

[ghostman]

I'm going to have to agree with the majority here. The "tell me why I should donate to you instead of my church" already came off as being a dick. I mean, her family has a history of breast cancer. You knew her reasons for supporting this. I don't think she cares whether you donate it through her or through another organization, but you wanted to make her "work" for it. That's degrading to her cause. Would you ask an orphanage to explain why they deserve donations more than another charity?