Write a shens post

[SlitheryDee]

A large black man just popped out of my garbage disposal. He makes excellent Lasagna.

 

[Kirby]

The plane doesn't take off.

 

[Rogodin2]

What's a 'shens'?

Rogo

 

[Martin]

I can scream at such a high pitch, I might actually get the Guinness record for it.

 

[xeemzor]

I am not a lurker.

 

[preslove]

I don't like turkey.

 

[preslove]

Douple Post.

 

[preslove]

Tripple Post.

 

[preslove]

quadruple post

 

[SlitheryDee]

Originally posted by: preslove
quadruple post

Shens.

 

[JEDI]

Resume the Anti-Australianism! Reban dug777!!!!!!

 

[PAB]

The phone rings. It's 8:30 in the morning. It's a telemarketer. I yell and harass them for a few minutes for interrupting my sleep. I drive down to the old county municipal complex and I take a number. After an hour wait, I get to see Shiela the old hag at window 3. I explain the entire situation to her and she goes from zero to bitch in 2.9 seconds flat. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PAID THE WRONG TAXES. WE GAVE YOU THE BILL. YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU LEFT. blah blah blah yak yak yak. I'm getting tired of hearing her bullshit. I slam my palm on the lexan shield that is serving as the defining line between man and hambeast.

LISTEN UP YOU RAGGEDY OLD MAID! I CAME IN HERE TO PAY TAXES ON WHAT BELONGS TO ME AND MY FAMILY. I DIDNT COME IN HERE TO PAY TAXES FOR NO TOYA WILLIAMS! MOREOVER, OUT OF THE THREE PARCELS I PAID FOR - ONE OF WHICH IS WRONG, THE OTHER TWO WERE PAID FOR BY SAID TOYA WILLIAMS. DO I LOOK LIKE A TOYA WILLIAMS TO YOU? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M WEARING SWEATPANTS THAT SAY "PHAT BABY" ON THE SEAT? WHAT ABOUT A BRA TWO SIZES TOO SMALL? AM I WEARING LIP GLOSS? DO YOU SEE ME EATING CHITLINS AND FRIED CHICKEN? IT SEEMS TO ME AND MY FRIENDS I'VE BEEN HAVING THAT PROBLEM LATELY. MY MANICURIST SAYS I LOOK MORE LIKE A VANESSA OR A RAINEESHA TO BE PERFECTLY FAIR SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU COULD HAVE MADE THAT MISTAKE..."

"SIR YOU DONT HAVE TO GET ANGRY AND USE PROFANITY WITH US"

"OH, I DON'T? SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP I'M MAD AS HELL AND I SHOULD JUST STAND HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH? I WANT THIS GODDAMN THING STRAIGHENED OUT AND I WANT IT STRAIGHTENED OUT RIGHT NOW. I WANT MY TAXES PAID, I WANT THAT ERRONEOUS PROPERTY REFUNDED AND I WANT TO NOT BE CONFUSED WITH A COLORED WOMAN WHO LIVES IN HOLLYWOOD? NOW WILL YOU OR WILL YOU NOT FIX THIS?"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME! YOU'RE JUST MAKING MORE TROUBLE FOR ALL OF US!"

"OH I'M MAKING TROUBLE? I'M MAKING TROUBLE? YOU GET THIS STRAIGHT - I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR *points* HIM! *points* and HER! *points* AND THAT OLD MAN IN THE BACK! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THE FREAKING GOVERNMENT RAILROADING PEOPLE LIKE US!

*I turn around*

"I'M NOT DOING THIS JUST FOR ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR EVERYBODY ELSE WHO HAS TO LIVE IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN HELLHOLE! I'M DOING THIS SO YOU AND YOU AND YOU DON'T THINK TWICE ABOUT FIGHTING THE SYSTEM THAT HAS US BENT OVER THE GODDAMN BARREL!"

At this point, everyone in the office is staring at me. Women and small children are crying, looking up and saying "Whats wrong with that man mommy? Why is he so angry?"

Finally - as if things were not complicated enough, it appears someone in the office pushed the little red button. On the other side of the tax collector was the county sherrif's substation. Two uniformed deputies walk in and want to know what's going on. I very loudly explain to them what's happened so far and that the bitch behind 3 isn't giving me back my damn money. The people in the lobby are now sympathetic to my cause and I can feel the tension in the room rise when I begin my trademarked anti-government chant.

I grabbed the nearest chair from the lobby.

"LETS GO METS! LETS GO METS!" Soon, the entire lobby was chanting with me. I was fighting the system. I felt great. I felt invincible. I felt the floor right after I got tasered.

After sucking berber for about 12 seconds wondering what the hell just happened, everyone in the room was dead silent. I mean, you could hear the capacitors of the taser powering up for another charge as the phone rang.

And thats how I got my $62.50 back.

 

[BlancoNino]

I really enjoy a nice slice of cantelope.

 

[theprodigalrebel]

I have a job that I love, a loving girlfriend, a joyous life and I wake up every morning feeling like I'm on top of the world. I also miss BlancoNino's joke threads and PAB is more entertaining than watching a train wreck in slow motion.

 

[loic2003]

this thread is interesting.

 

[preslove]

quintuple post

 

[WolverineGator]

The plane did not take off from the conveyor belt (ha!).

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: loic2003
this thread is interesting.

You're supposed to write a shens post. :|

 

[neomits]

My girlfriend was raped by the 7 year old she teaches at school. She's not sure if she wants to keep the baby or not because we're not married and I'm only 22 but she's 48. She's also afraid if she keeps the baby she won't be a Christian anymore and will have to convert to Islam.

Should I marry her and kick the 7 year old's ass?

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: JEDI

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: AnandTech Moderator
My other account is DVK916

bahahha

dont get it? What/what is DVK916?

See if the search will pull up some recent threads. Newest religion troll.

DVK916

Yes, that's an actual picture of him. Thankfully, Douglas won't be posting much today until after 2pm when he gets out of Ordinary Diff Equations. However, expect him to also bitch about how much work he got in Numerical Analysis directly before it.

- M4H

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Oh, and if I'm going to make a believeable shens post, it's going to be its own thread.

- M4H

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: PAB

And thats how I got my $62.50 back.

Love it!

 

[herbiehancock]

I'd try but after reading most of PAB's threads, there'd be no way to compete. So why try to beat PAB, the master of shens?

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: PAB
The phone rings. It's 8:30 in the morning. It's a telemarketer. I yell and harass them for a few minutes for interrupting my sleep. I drive down to the old county municipal complex and I take a number. After an hour wait, I get to see Shiela the old hag at window 3. I explain the entire situation to her and she goes from zero to bitch in 2.9 seconds flat. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PAID THE WRONG TAXES. WE GAVE YOU THE BILL. YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU LEFT. blah blah blah yak yak yak. I'm getting tired of hearing her bullshit. I slam my palm on the lexan shield that is serving as the defining line between man and hambeast.

LISTEN UP YOU RAGGEDY OLD MAID! I CAME IN HERE TO PAY TAXES ON WHAT BELONGS TO ME AND MY FAMILY. I DIDNT COME IN HERE TO PAY TAXES FOR NO TOYA WILLIAMS! MOREOVER, OUT OF THE THREE PARCELS I PAID FOR - ONE OF WHICH IS WRONG, THE OTHER TWO WERE PAID FOR BY SAID TOYA WILLIAMS. DO I LOOK LIKE A TOYA WILLIAMS TO YOU? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M WEARING SWEATPANTS THAT SAY "PHAT BABY" ON THE SEAT? WHAT ABOUT A BRA TWO SIZES TOO SMALL? AM I WEARING LIP GLOSS? DO YOU SEE ME EATING CHITLINS AND FRIED CHICKEN? IT SEEMS TO ME AND MY FRIENDS I'VE BEEN HAVING THAT PROBLEM LATELY. MY MANICURIST SAYS I LOOK MORE LIKE A VANESSA OR A RAINEESHA TO BE PERFECTLY FAIR SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU COULD HAVE MADE THAT MISTAKE..."

"SIR YOU DONT HAVE TO GET ANGRY AND USE PROFANITY WITH US"

"OH, I DON'T? SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP I'M MAD AS HELL AND I SHOULD JUST STAND HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH? I WANT THIS GODDAMN THING STRAIGHENED OUT AND I WANT IT STRAIGHTENED OUT RIGHT NOW. I WANT MY TAXES PAID, I WANT THAT ERRONEOUS PROPERTY REFUNDED AND I WANT TO NOT BE CONFUSED WITH A COLORED WOMAN WHO LIVES IN HOLLYWOOD? NOW WILL YOU OR WILL YOU NOT FIX THIS?"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME! YOU'RE JUST MAKING MORE TROUBLE FOR ALL OF US!"

"OH I'M MAKING TROUBLE? I'M MAKING TROUBLE? YOU GET THIS STRAIGHT - I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR *points* HIM! *points* and HER! *points* AND THAT OLD MAN IN THE BACK! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THE FREAKING GOVERNMENT RAILROADING PEOPLE LIKE US!

*I turn around*

"I'M NOT DOING THIS JUST FOR ME! I'M DOING THIS FOR EVERYBODY ELSE WHO HAS TO LIVE IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN HELLHOLE! I'M DOING THIS SO YOU AND YOU AND YOU DON'T THINK TWICE ABOUT FIGHTING THE SYSTEM THAT HAS US BENT OVER THE GODDAMN BARREL!"

At this point, everyone in the office is staring at me. Women and small children are crying, looking up and saying "Whats wrong with that man mommy? Why is he so angry?"

Finally - as if things were not complicated enough, it appears someone in the office pushed the little red button. On the other side of the tax collector was the county sherrif's substation. Two uniformed deputies walk in and want to know what's going on. I very loudly explain to them what's happened so far and that the bitch behind 3 isn't giving me back my damn money. The people in the lobby are now sympathetic to my cause and I can feel the tension in the room rise when I begin my trademarked anti-government chant.

I grabbed the nearest chair from the lobby.

"LETS GO METS! LETS GO METS!" Soon, the entire lobby was chanting with me. I was fighting the system. I felt great. I felt invincible. I felt the floor right after I got tasered.

After sucking berber for about 12 seconds wondering what the hell just happened, everyone in the room was dead silent. I mean, you could hear the capacitors of the taser powering up for another charge as the phone rang.

And thats how I got my $62.50 back.

wow, PAB is also a racist

 

[Unheard]

On my way to work yesterday I hit a giant snake. Not wanting to let it go to waste, I decided to throw it into the back of my truck and head on to work. The work day went fine, as I went through my daily regiment of helping executives invest their retirement funds, washing cars, flying puddle jumpers between here and Miami, and writing PASCAL code. When 2pm rolled around, I headed back out to my truck. To my shock (and horror) my snake was gone. I thought to myself, where the hell could it have gone. There was no blood trail, no snake droppings, no nothing. So I decided to call animal control to find my lost snake.

-- Fast forward 3 hours --

Animal control finally showed up. They had brought their full SRS (Snake Recovery Specialists) team. They also put in a call to the UN and Russia to come help us find my snake. As I was cruising around downtown in the M1-Abrams tank they let me drive, I spotted my snake. I immediately radioed to the rest of his team with the exact location. The SRS team repelled out of their helicopter and surrounded the snake. UN and Russian troops weren't far behind them, and we had now set up a 500' perimeter around the reptile.

The snake had curled himself up next to a large handle that was sticking out of the ground. The SRS team seemed suspicious of the snakes intentions so they closed in with caution. They were about 30' from the snake when we heard a loud noise. As we turned and looked we saw a RV hurling towards us at high speed. The UN and Russian forces dove out of the way, as I took cover behind my tank. As the RV was flying towards the snake, I heard the driver yell, "Better Nate than Lever!" Boom that was it. The snake was dead.

Later I would find out that humanity had been saved by the driver of that RV. He apparently knew the snake (which could talk, who would've believed that?), and the snake was the guardian of the end of the world.

I'll try to post some pics later for you guys when I get home from work today.