YAGT: Asian Mother issues

[Azndude51]

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: y2kc
:camera: ?

Yes, look at my facebook profile.

Link for the lazy, but the pic is small unless you go to his school.

 

[Circlenaut]

Originally posted by: her209
Go to YouTube and search for "crazy asian mother". You won't be disappointed.

Sorry, I was disappointed... Unless I'm looking at the wrong videos. They're all just useless asian stereotype bashing...

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: her209
Go to YouTube and search for "crazy asian mother". You won't be disappointed.

Sorry, I was disappointed... Unless I'm looking at the wrong videos. They're all just useless asian stereotype bashing...

Which actually has some truth in it if you think about it.

 

[yhelothar]

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: bigrash
give up now. you won't win against an asian mom

That's what one of my friends has been saying. I want to make it work, I absolutely love her, I'm happy and I don't want to give that up. And for the guy saying give it up as most high school sweethearts don't make it past high school. Well I would regret later on not at least trying. I'd rather "fail" in the end then no have tried at all. And with us living relativly close together, it can work.

You are infatuated with her...

Love comes years down the road...

Love has many forms. I feel a warmth around her, and constently think about and miss her when we're not together. Sorry, but I call that love. Maybe a commited love comes down the road. I know that for the first two years in a relationship, that love is pure passion. Then after two years, if the two can stand eachother, then a commited love develops. Then eventually an understood love develops where live doesn't seem plausable without the other partner.

Sorry, but that's infatuation. Love should be far more than just missing someone. If you were single, you'd probably consistently think about boning that hot chick across the room in class. That does not mean you're in love.
Love should come in when both of you can feel comfortable being your natural selves, without fearing you'd piss each other off, and not only feel comfortable, but deeply enjoy it.

 

[razor2025]

eh.. phsycho asian parents FTL.

On a more serious note, good luck. I'm assuming her parents are paying for a college/expense, so they have huge leverage against her. Of course, you COULD support her and what not, but I don't think it'll be anything but impossible to work out in the end. I think your only choice is to confront her parents and point-blank ask why the sudden change. But first, talk to your GF and see what's the plan, not that you have much choice anyway seeing how you're both starting college, and probably have very little income (if at all).

Stereotypes of asian parents are mostly based on truth, or at least significant observation. I know, because I'm chinese. My parents aren't phsycho, but from what I've hear/seen/told, asian parents have a view that will seem "twisted" to non-asians. I think vietnamese parents are even more to the extreme in their asian cultures.

 

[weirdichi]

Originally posted by: FuZoR
are you asian?
the eldest "son" > rest of family

looks to me its all up to your g/f on fixing the situation... its her mother

Quite true. In many Asian cultures, the sons are treated better than the daughters. I know in our culture, the girls have less freedom than the boys (going out, curfew, dating). The girls are expected to cook and clean while the boys arne't. The reason for the curfew on girls in our culture is that if they are brought home late, then they might have been fooling around and that leaves them "unpure" for a potential husband in the future. That's just one of the many reasons for the curfew. I'm not sure why, it's just how it is.

I see two options:

1. Keep on dating her and maybe the mother will finally accept you or just accept the situation and ignore you when you're at their house.

2. Break it off.

 

[Powermoloch]

cliffs por favor, no tengo much time.

 

[j00fek]

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze
Paragraphs are your friend!

Use your friends!

cliffs too

 

[Spineshank]

I wonder if thats the problem wiht my gf's insecurity...her mom isnt real harsh on her but sometimes can be.

 

[gigapet]

RULE 1: never bring a HS girlfriend to college.

Rule 2: Never break rule #1

 

[Fraggable]

Originally posted by: Pippy

My mom absolutely loves her and so does my girlfriend.

Wait, you're saying your other g/f likes her too?

Sounds like she's gonna have some inferiority issues. The sooner she can be independent of her parents the better.

 

[Skiddex]

pics of said mother?

 

[batmang]

Originally posted by: Pippy
We'll I've been going pretty strong with my girlfriend for 3 months now. We've fallen madly in love and I haven't been happier in my life.

Let me just start off by saying I'm not some whinny HS troll (it seems people have to accentuate this in order to at least sound credible). I'm going off to WPI next year and my girlfriend's going to Stonehill college.

Things have been going well for so long now. My mom absolutely loves her and so does my girlfriend. It was this immediate connection that made me suspicious at first, I didn't understand why she could like her so much so fast. Then I started noticing that whenever she talked about her family she'd always a. sound depressed b. not talk much and c. never say anything good. I just got off the phone with her minutes ago; she made me promise not to dislike her parents. It's really hard to do that.

From what she's told me, her parents care more about her brother (which doesn't make sense since she does better then him in school). He?s, by the way, studying EE at northeastern. I'm also somewhat bothered by the fact that she doesn't let me ever come over and talk to her family. I've had dinner once with her parents, and I seemed to have made a very good impression I just don't know if it will be lost with me not ever communicating with them.

Let me go back to the mother issue. All the time we've been going out she's never had trouble coming home late (she's 18 and I'm 19, same birthday just exactly a year apart). All of a sudden yesterday she gets in a fight with her mom for I guess being late (I brought her home at 9:30). I'd understand her being yelled for being late, but she said her mom started going on and on about other things, how she doesn't do things right and yada yada. It just really irritates me that her mom makes her feel so bad and insecure. It took me a month after going out with her to feel "worthy" of being my girlfriend, she felt like she was dumber them me and too ugly. I said that was non-sense and asked her what gave her that idea. Now I get where it comes from... I'm really lost as to what to do.

She called me crying tonight saying her mom forbade us seeing each other. I don't want to circumvent her parent's authority but my love for her will find a way otherwise I'm lost as to how to make things work between her parents. And I know the immigrant pressure. She's been her for five years and, like me, she's had to do certain things "normal" American kids would leave to their parents, like paying bills and finding their parent's work, and being used to being left alone since a young age. Somehow though I've had a good relationship with my mom, she's the person I trust most in the world I just wished my girlfriend also had this relationship. I'm lost.... I just don't understand how a mother could ruin a perfect girl's self esteem and not allow her to be happy. I feel bad that I couple of weeks ago my mom said in front of her "I want my son to be happy, and right now you make him happy. So it's non of my business to interfere". I wish her mom and mine were more on the same page. Sorry I'm not cliff noting.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS!!!! *DING DING DING*

I had/have the same issue with my wife. We met when I was 17, she was 16, we are now 22 and 23 and married. 6 years total of being together. Her mother still does the same stuff to her whenever they get into an arguement. Pretty much does exactly when your describing above. A lot of it is just plain anger and not being able to express feelings without trying to make the other person feel guilty. It's basically a guilt trip arguement.

My wifes mother would kick her out and she would have to stay with me at my parents house. They would fight over ridiculous things, like the dishes. It would end in my wife being booted out for a couple days or even weeks sometimes. This started happening almost every other week, for months. So I got sick of it and got us an apartment and her mom was in shock. But.. it shut her up for months. She realized she no longer had her daughter in her house, and she realized how much she means to her. They didnt talk for months... it was great.

Sometimes there is not solution for daughters and mothers fighting, its just the way things are, and you cant fix it.

Heres what I can suggest:

1) You wont be able to fix their relationship, no matter how hard you try, its not going to help for crap. They are set in their ways, they argue, they fight, but they still love each other.

2) Do your best to support your GF, and try not to make the mother the target. Dont bash on her mother no matter how ridiculous she was being. Just be their for your GF. Try not to let your anger towards her mom ruin your relationship. Nothing can replace the love you have for your GF, dont let your hate towards her mom ruin it!

good luck to ya!

 

[batmang]

all i know is.. if you really love your gf, stick it out. i did, and it was the best thing ive ever done in my life. i grew up, i went from being troubled to incredibly responsible, i fell in love with a girl i never thought i could get. and now im friggin married to her! hang in their! i had the hardest time dealing with there fights and my wife being kicked out... it was a crazy time of my life. but looking back at it all now... it was all worth it.. i love my wife!

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Pippy
We'll I've been going pretty strong with my girlfriend for 3 months now. We've fallen madly in love and I haven't been happier in my life.

Let me just start off by saying I'm not some whinny HS troll (it seems people have to accentuate this in order to at least sound credible). I'm going off to WPI next year and my girlfriend's going to Stonehill college.

Things have been going well for so long now. My mom absolutely loves her and so does my girlfriend. It was this immediate connection that made me suspicious at first, I didn't understand why she could like her so much so fast. Then I started noticing that whenever she talked about her family she'd always a. sound depressed b. not talk much and c. never say anything good. I just got off the phone with her minutes ago; she made me promise not to dislike her parents. It's really hard to do that.

From what she's told me, her parents care more about her brother (which doesn't make sense since she does better then him in school). He?s, by the way, studying EE at northeastern. I'm also somewhat bothered by the fact that she doesn't let me ever come over and talk to her family. I've had dinner once with her parents, and I seemed to have made a very good impression I just don't know if it will be lost with me not ever communicating with them.

Let me go back to the mother issue. All the time we've been going out she's never had trouble coming home late (she's 18 and I'm 19, same birthday just exactly a year apart). All of a sudden yesterday she gets in a fight with her mom for I guess being late (I brought her home at 9:30). I'd understand her being yelled for being late, but she said her mom started going on and on about other things, how she doesn't do things right and yada yada. It just really irritates me that her mom makes her feel so bad and insecure. It took me a month after going out with her to feel "worthy" of being my girlfriend, she felt like she was dumber them me and too ugly. I said that was non-sense and asked her what gave her that idea. Now I get where it comes from... I'm really lost as to what to do.

She called me crying tonight saying her mom forbade us seeing each other. I don't want to circumvent her parent's authority but my love for her will find a way otherwise I'm lost as to how to make things work between her parents. And I know the immigrant pressure. She's been her for five years and, like me, she's had to do certain things "normal" American kids would leave to their parents, like paying bills and finding their parent's work, and being used to being left alone since a young age. Somehow though I've had a good relationship with my mom, she's the person I trust most in the world I just wished my girlfriend also had this relationship. I'm lost.... I just don't understand how a mother could ruin a perfect girl's self esteem and not allow her to be happy. I feel bad that I couple of weeks ago my mom said in front of her "I want my son to be happy, and right now you make him happy. So it's non of my business to interfere". I wish her mom and mine were more on the same page. Sorry I'm not cliff noting.

Welcome to the club. My girlfriend is Korean, and only until recently, I met her parents. We dated for about a year without ever meeting each other, mostly their choice.

 

[zephyrprime]

Yeah, stereotypical asian mom. Basically, they feel like they have a right to govern their kids' lives and they retain this right until their kids are married. Only after they are married off do their kids become adults in their eyes. Of course, in the old world, everyone was married off by the age of 16 but these moms seem to be selective about which traditions they choose to adhere to. Come to think of it, even after the kids are married off, these moms still want to interfere in their lives.

Basically, your girlfriends mom does not want you having premarital sex with her daughter. She also doesn't want you to distract her from her studies.

Honestly I don't know what you should do. But please read more fine literature because you need to improve your writing skills.

 

[K1052]

Originally posted by: weirdichi

Originally posted by: FuZoR
are you asian?
the eldest "son" > rest of family

looks to me its all up to your g/f on fixing the situation... its her mother

Quite true. In many Asian cultures, the sons are treated better than the daughters. I know in our culture, the girls have less freedom than the boys (going out, curfew, dating). The girls are expected to cook and clean while the boys arne't. The reason for the curfew on girls in our culture is that if they are brought home late, then they might have been fooling around and that leaves them "unpure" for a potential husband in the future. That's just one of the many reasons for the curfew. I'm not sure why, it's just how it is.

I see two options:

1. Keep on dating her and maybe the mother will finally accept you or just accept the situation and ignore you when you're at their house.

2. Break it off.

A lot of ethnic cultures that haven't been in the US for a few generations have similar expectations. Primogeniture (eldest son gets everything) was the norm for my family (Greek) until about my father's generation. Everyone else got sh!t on and were expected to take it with a smile.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Pippy
Let me just start off by saying I'm not some whinny HS troll (it seems people have to accentuate this in order to at least sound credible). I'm going off to WPI next year and my girlfriend's going to Stonehill college.

No, actually the main thing you need to do is sound mature and not whiny. And being as you just graduated HS and are not independant (i.e. - paying for your stuff with your own hard earned money, you are still a whiny kid who just posted a YAGT.

Also, if you have problems with the family, then the relationship isn't the best of ideas. Family/blood is a lifelong commitment. And if her family is that crazy, you are entering yourself into that craziness. Also, you are still young, and even though you feel she is the only girl for you, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, chances are she isn't. And it also sounds as if she does have insecurity problems, like most girls, but to the point of drama with her family that it could become an issue later.

If you really want to go out with her, wait till college and resume. If you are willing to go against her family's wishes, not the best of choices, go ahead, but you may have problems later. It sounds as if the girl needs to get away from her family also.

 

[Circlenaut]

Originally posted by: razor2025
eh.. phsycho asian parents FTL.

On a more serious note, good luck. I'm assuming her parents are paying for a college/expense, so they have huge leverage against her. Of course, you COULD support her and what not, but I don't think it'll be anything but impossible to work out in the end. I think your only choice is to confront her parents and point-blank ask why the sudden change. But first, talk to your GF and see what's the plan, not that you have much choice anyway seeing how you're both starting college, and probably have very little income (if at all).

Stereotypes of asian parents are mostly based on truth, or at least significant observation. I know, because I'm chinese. My parents aren't phsycho, but from what I've hear/seen/told, asian parents have a view that will seem "twisted" to non-asians. I think vietnamese parents are even more to the extreme in their asian cultures.

Well your right about the little income, but financially she has no connection to her parents. She works. She's got a free ride to college and all other income is from her work. Of course this is small. I think once we're in college, all of this will just magically disappear It's interesting that her father has no issues at all, he actually supports us. When I first met her I thought I'd have issues with the father not hte mother

 

[spacejamz]

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: maddogchen
her mom forbade you two seeing each other because you took her home late? thats messed up.

Har har. No, if it was an initial issue I would have respected it. My issues is why, after 3 months that we've been going out has it all of a sudden become an problem? Her mom was looking to vent something, and she took it out on her poor girl...

the mom probably thought it wouldn't last more than 3 months...now that it has, she is taking action...

 

[Juno]

dang, my mom used to be like that but now she's one cool asian mom i ever had!

 

[CalvinHobbs]

don't lose courage man, believe in what u do and do what u believe in. go for it mate, win over the mum, asian doesn't mean she's not human

 

[Ciber]

Originally posted by: Pippy

Originally posted by: razor2025
eh.. phsycho asian parents FTL.

On a more serious note, good luck. I'm assuming her parents are paying for a college/expense, so they have huge leverage against her. Of course, you COULD support her and what not, but I don't think it'll be anything but impossible to work out in the end. I think your only choice is to confront her parents and point-blank ask why the sudden change. But first, talk to your GF and see what's the plan, not that you have much choice anyway seeing how you're both starting college, and probably have very little income (if at all).

Stereotypes of asian parents are mostly based on truth, or at least significant observation. I know, because I'm chinese. My parents aren't phsycho, but from what I've hear/seen/told, asian parents have a view that will seem "twisted" to non-asians. I think vietnamese parents are even more to the extreme in their asian cultures.

Well your right about the little income, but financially she has no connection to her parents. She works. She's got a free ride to college and all other income is from her work. Of course this is small. I think once we're in college, all of this will just magically disappear It's interesting that her father has no issues at all, he actually supports us. When I first met her I thought I'd have issues with the father not hte mother

My fiancee is asian and i can tell you now that this will be a long and difficult uphill battle with the mother. The first couple of years were utter hell for us dealing with her mother. prepare for plenty more nights of her crying because of her mother. Hope you're up to it.

The mother is cool with everything now though, hell i stay at their house for weeks now when i visit.

 

[Anghang]

she's been put in a tough situation, choose the bf or choose the mom...if she chooses the bf, she's disrespecting the parent (A HUUUUUUUUUUGE NO NO in asian culture...i'm chinese btw)...some asian cultures would totally disown their own kid for disrespecting the parent's wishes...plus there's the whole ripple effect of how it would reflect on the family through the asian community's eyes (family, friends, etc)..."you raised a bad daughter" "your family is messed up" "i don't want your family near mine anymore" etc etc etc...

you can choose to persist and maybe sometime down the line, her mom may possibly change her mind (or opinion of you, or reasoning to forbid her daughter see you, etc)...one possibility is that her mom thinks she's wasting her time with you, in other words, the relationship is temporary and won't last...so it'll be up to you to prove her wrong if you so choose...

in the end though, there's nothing you can do but be supportive of whatever decision she chooses to take...

 

[akubi]

you call three months of high school relationship love...?