Originally posted by: BigToque
Originally posted by: Aikouka
Originally posted by: BigToque
I don't like seeing her wasting her time with that guy (as a friend). I also don't like her spending time with the guy because I still want to be with her. Everyone knows how I feel, but I don't ever get involved though. If she ever wants to get back together that's her choice and I can't make it for her. I just want to be the best person I can, and for me that actually feels like I should be the "mature one" (if you can call it that) and just be nice to her, him and everyone else. It just feels like the right thing to do.
I'm curious... does she know you feel that way? Is it possible that you're both "waiting" on the other to act?
I'm pretty sure she knows. We broke up a year ago, and for the first few months I was always trying to get back together, and she didn't want it. We wouldn't see each other for a month, then see each other again and I'd tell her again, wouldn't see each other for a month, repeat. I haven't said anything to her in about 6 months. I've just kept to myself. We don't hang out and only speak every once and a while (every couple of weeks for a few minutes)
I just decided I wouldn't mention it anymore because nothing good comes from me saying "I still love you" when she's trying to have a relationship with someone else. She says she doesn't have feelings for me, although I doubt that's entirely true, based on how well we do get along when we actually do see each other.
I'm just a friend for now, and that's how I will act.
Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: BigToque
Originally posted by: sixone
Too bad SHE's not acting like a friend. And I feel bad that that's good enough for you.
I think it's disrespectful for her to be associating with someone who treats one of her friends (me) the way that he does (even if it is just insecurity on his part). That said, I feel that I should always be the best person that I can, and to me that means being friendly to her and nice to him if he's around.
I could 'grow a pair' and just say "Who's your friend, him or me? It's your choice.", but that just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. A real friend wouldn't give someone an ultimatum, so I wouldn't put her in that position (even if she isn't really acting like a friend).
Why should she respect you? You don't respect yourself, when you let her treat you like that. Giving her an ultimatum isn't required - making your own choices, in your own best interest, is.
Originally posted by: BigToque
She has made it clear that she doesn't condone anything that he has done, to both myself and to him. She reamed him out the last time he tried threatening me (and that may have also been part of the reason they broke up). She doesn't treat me badly. I just find it disrespectful on her part, that she associates with someone who has treated me the way he has. I don't know how she feels about it, she's just said "it's her right to invite him or anyone else". She's not trying to be disrespectful. She has never, ever gone out of her way to be disrespectful to anyone, including me. This is something I know, even though you may disagree and think she's somehow walking all over me because I let her.
My best interest, as a person, is to be the best person I can. To me that means that I should be friendly (or at the very least, not unfriendly) to others. This has nothing to do with me not having any respect for myself.
Originally posted by: yowolabi
Maybe I missed the thread explaining all this, but i'm suprised AT is accepting your actions as if they're normal.
Are you bringing your own new gf along? If not how long do you plan to wait for someone who's shown no interest in resuming the relationship? Till she's bringing 3 other ex bf's with her to the festival and you're trying to be friendly with all of them while hoping she notices your "maturity" and falls back in love?
Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: BigToque
She has made it clear that she doesn't condone anything that he has done, to both myself and to him. She reamed him out the last time he tried threatening me (and that may have also been part of the reason they broke up). She doesn't treat me badly. I just find it disrespectful on her part, that she associates with someone who has treated me the way he has. I don't know how she feels about it, she's just said "it's her right to invite him or anyone else". She's not trying to be disrespectful. She has never, ever gone out of her way to be disrespectful to anyone, including me. This is something I know, even though you may disagree and think she's somehow walking all over me because I let her.
My best interest, as a person, is to be the best person I can. To me that means that I should be friendly (or at the very least, not unfriendly) to others. This has nothing to do with me not having any respect for myself.
She DOES condone it, by giving him more chances to do the same thing again. And so do you.
Originally posted by: BigToque
You don't sentence someone to life in prison because they stole a loaf of bread twice. Not until the third offence.
She understands why he's acted towards me the way that he has and understands that people make mistakes and act out when they are upset about something.
There have been two incidents between me and this guy. I don't imagine that she would put up with it if it happend again.
I have a point where I can say that I've done all I can to be a good person. If it did happen again and she didn't get rid of the guy, I'd just stop talking to her.
Originally posted by: sixone
One way to find out, I guess.
Originally posted by: BigToque
She phoned me last night saying she was angry that her friends were angry at her because she invited this guy and that they weren't going to the festival because of it. She also said that one of her friends said that I wasn't going because the guy was showing up (which wasn't true, I'm still going regardless).
Originally posted by: sixone
Update?
Originally posted by: BigToque
Originally posted by: sixone
Update?
I forgot about this thread...
What ended up happening was that I went to the festival and had an absolute blast. I got along with everyone and didn't pay any attention to the guy that nobody liked. He made an ass of himself and that was the night. As far as I know, my friend doesn't talk to the guy anymore.