YAGT: Got a new job and have a crush on a co-worker

[PandaBear]

Me: 28, engineer, recently married but wife lives out of town

Wife: 27, works in the bio-tech industry, very good looking, perfect wife

Co-Worker: 25, engineer, looks alright (slightly chubby, excellent hair care), but reminds me of a former fantasy of mine (a girl that i went after in college but didn't get). There is one guy in my dept going after her, but I don't think she is interested in him. We didn't talk much.

I tried not to keep an eye contact with my co-worker, but the more I tried, the more I fancy her.

Suggestion on what to do to make me not have a crush?



CLIFF:

1) I am not going to cheat, never had, and never will.
2) Stop telling me to hit it or score the office chick, I am asking for help not to get more involved
3) There will be no pic to protect everyone's privacy.
4) It is an ego thing: grass is greener on the other side, a crush because she reminded me of someone, and I am always attracted to women with high self esteem, etc.
5) I trust my self control, just want some encouragement and support to get over this crush.



[edit]
Wife stop by for the weekend, started cooking dinner before I came home. I brought some takeout and had a great time.

:beer: for the wife. Crush no longer an issue. :heart: I should have more confidence in myself, and definitely start planning to find another job closer to her (or she find a job closer to me).

 

[KLin]

Originally posted by: PandaBear
Me: 28, engineer, recently married but wife lives out of town

Wife: 27, works in the bio-tech industry, very good looking, perfect wife

Co-Worker: 25, engineer, looks alright (slightly chubby, excellent hair care), but reminds me of a former fantasy of mine (a girl that i went after in college but didn't get). There is one guy in my dept going after her, but I don't think she is interested in him. We didn't talk much.



I tried not to keep an eye contact with my co-worker, but the more I tried, the more I fancy her.

Suggestion on what to do?

Do not DO it!

 

[Special K]

If you are married I wouldn't think there would be a question.

 

[RedArmy]

If you are even REMOTELY thinking about this then I think you have some issues to work out.

 

[PandaBear]

I do have some issue to work out, and I need all your support. People said if you talk about your problem (and admit you have a problem) is the first step in correcting it.

Help guys.

 

[Special K]

If your wife is very good looking and perfect why would you even be thinking about this?

 

[Bateluer]

You are married, should be a no brainer. You can't do nothing but be a friend and coworker.



Unless your wife is into threesomes . . .

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: PandaBear
Wife: 27, works in the bio-tech industry, very good looking, perfect wife

Co-Worker: 25, engineer, looks alright (slightly chubby, excellent hair care), but reminds me of a former fantasy of mine (a girl that i went after in college but didn't get). There is one guy in my dept going after her, but I don't think she is interested in him. We didn't talk much.

404 Brain not found

Forget our vows did we?

 

[RedArmy]

It's good that you realize you have a problem but I think the best thing to do would be to see a marriage counselor or some other type that can help you through any insecurities or other issues you may have.

 

[DAGTA]

It's normal to find other people attractive, but it is your actions that define you in those situations. Spend only as much time as you need to with co-worker. Don't see her outside of work. Don't go to lunch together. Don't spend break time together. Keep your time with her to a minimum and do not flirt in any way.

 

[CanOWorms]

I suggest you start a relationship with the guy in your dept who is going after her. That seems like it would send the right message to your crush.

 

[bleeb]

becareful... you're playing a VERY dangerous game.

 

[Atomicus]

Originally posted by: bleeb
becareful... you're playing a VERY dangerous game.

i.e. russian roulette with all chambers loaded?

 

[CraigRT]

why do you need suggestions? just don't get involved. super easy.

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Originally posted by: Specop 007

Originally posted by: PandaBear
Wife: 27, works in the bio-tech industry, very good looking, perfect wife

Co-Worker: 25, engineer, looks alright (slightly chubby, excellent hair care), but reminds me of a former fantasy of mine (a girl that i went after in college but didn't get). There is one guy in my dept going after her, but I don't think she is interested in him. We didn't talk much.

404 Brain not found

Forget our vows did we?

QFT

Let it go. Be the wingman for the other guy if it helps you but DON'T f*ck with your marriage.

 

[Skunkwourk]

think of how long it took to find someone to settle down with, is this new girl worth the gamble?

 

[chambersc]

gj on cheating your wife.

 

[NickelTitanium]

get it out of your system. hit it and leave it. your wife will never find out.

Here is your bat - come back in a week for the ball

 

[Baked]

I'm sure your perfect wife won't mind you screwing some fatty, you should just call her now and invite her for a 3 way in your bed. Yeah, perfect wives love that sh!t. :roll: I mean what's the worse that could happen? Divorce? But you're gonna do that down the road anyway right? After you got 2 kids, a huge mortgage and some sh!tty german automobile that breaks down every other month. Ah yes, the perfect American Dream.

 

[MichaelD]

I can understand your problem. You love women, period. Even though you have one, and she's a good one, you STILL want to sample the other wares.

You are thinking that sex has nothing to do with love. You love your wife, you don't love this woman (yet...) so it would be just sex.

But you're incorrect. You WILL fall in love if you have sex with the new woman because it WILL be great sex. So, you'll have sex with her for a week or two, skillfully fending off any questions about "are you married?" or things of that nature.

When woman #2 finds out you are married, one of three things will happen; none of them good for you.

1. She stops seeing you immediately and hates your guts for all eternity and speaks poorly about you to everyone you work with. Your professional life becomes a living hell and eventually you are asked to resign or you quit on your own.

2. She calls your wife (really evil women have been known to go FIND your wife, sometimes flying cross country!) and tells her everything. Your wife leaves you and you lose your ass in the divorce.

3. She foolishly believes that you will divorce your wife and marry her. Even if you eventually do that, woman #2 WILL CHEAT ON YOU b/c she had no qualms about knowingly carrying on a relationship with a married man.


Dude, you're married. I love women too. I mean...I REALLY love women. I've been on both sides of the cheating coin, and it really sucks. I've finally come to a point in my life where I am ready to settle down and be a good boy.

Maybe you should rethink this marriage thing...if you cheat on your wife, you will not sleep at night b/c of the wondering if she's doing the same thing. She may be. She may not be. Either way it'll be a bad thing.

Do not flirt with your coworker. Flirting-->Lunch--->Dinner--->Sex---->your life is hell

 

[PandaBear]

1) I did not cheat at all, not physically, not mentally.

2) The co-worker and I didn't talk more than 1 sentence per week, let alone flirting.

3) I am paranoid, because if it follows the pattern of how I fall in love before, I wouldn't be able to control my desire.

4) She does not have a crush on me for sure. I can tell by her eye contacts.

5) Everyone at work knows that I am married.

It is #3 that I am most concerned with. The suggestion of be-friending with the guy who goes after her is a good one, I will give that a try. After all, you don't steal your friend's hoe, right?

 

[kumanchu]

if you just want to remove the temptation, just be a real asshat to the girl sometime and then never appologize.

you'll never have a chance after that

 

[PandaBear]

Did that at my last job (got into a big argument with a pregnant dumb hoe), got a bad review afterward on my otherwise perfect performance. Will not be an option.

 

[Brutuskend]

Bench vise + testicles + PRESSURE = The LAST CRUSH you will EVER have!

 

[newnameman]

If in doubt...