YAGT: Had drinks with ex-gf the other day (I'm married) **UPDATE**

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Double standard... I would not ever want to meet, have drinks with or communicate, in any way, with any of my b/f ex's. But neither would he, so I guess there is no problem there. I guess if he remained friends with an ex b4 he met me, I might be ok with it, but he has had no contact with any of them since the day we met, so if he started now, I would ... well, I would not take it well and would wonder... wtf?

I hate double standards, and will never, ever again date a woman who maintains them.

Agreed. I had one gf who maintained the exact same double standard throughout a year of dating in high school. In retrospect it should have been a sign.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: dirtboy

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: dirtboy
I don't communicate with any of my ex's. What's would be the point of it?

Well if you have a civil parting that just based on the fact that you make good friends more than lovers.

Why would I want to be friends with them? Nothing good comes from it. The only reason is if one of the two still likes or is in love with the other. New partners won't understand this weird friendship. Keeping in touch often doesn't allow one to get over the other. They get jealous when one starts a new relationship before the other.

I have no interest in hanging out with ex's. Unless I was some loser that needed acceptance from everyone or had to remain friends with everyone I met, then I could see doing that. All I know is that when I meet a girl who is hanging out with her ex's that tells me one of two things: either she still likes him and can't move on or he is a complete loser who can't let go.

Are you still in high school or something?

WTF is the loser title getting thrown out there and how is it that the ex-g/f must like 'him' still, yet he can't let go? Something tells me you want to label it this way due to your own seething jealousy should your b/f or g/f still remains friends with their exes.

As an *adult* there are several possible reasons to remain friends....I never said you were pals hanging out daily and what not but here is a few scenarios:

You have dated a co-worker. Unless you are going to change jobs sort of hard to not deal with them.

You have dated a vendor, or someone else in your industry. You see this person at tradeshows, conventions, etc....

You have dated someone that hangs out at the same places you do...it's inevitable to not run into them...rather than reliving high school: running and hiding, starting a fight, etc...you say hi in passing or whatever.

There is a big percentage though of exes that still see each other are also still at least partially messing around...it's really up to your partner...if you trust them and they have agreed to a commitment you just got to trust the situation. They are not a pet you can keep on a leash.

I am friends with a few exes, enemies with some, and a few my wife is friends with and knows that we were sexually involved. I have no desire to sleep with any of my exes now. Perhaps if I was single ever again and we were out together it would be different, but the reasons we did split is because we were just good friends and sex buddies...we didn't have the serious traits to make a life-long relationship with.

 

[Drizzy]

Yeah keeping a relationship with an ex is just going to cause problems in your current relationship. Get over the past and live with who you are with now.

 

[y2kc]

"never look back" is my motto. I just cut my ex a few days ago, told her that all contact must cease for us to move on without complication.

 

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
Are you still in high school or something?

High school people want to be friends with their ex's. Are you still in high school or something?

WTF is the loser title getting thrown out there and how is it that the ex-g/f must like 'him' still, yet he can't let go? Something tells me you want to label it this way due to your own seething jealousy should your b/f or g/f still remains friends with their exes.

Something tells me that the people I know that still make an effort to hang out with their ex's and be their friends are losers. Why would I be jealous over something I don't want and that I think is stupid??

As an *adult* there are several possible reasons to remain friends....I never said you were pals hanging out daily and what not but here is a few scenarios:

You have dated a co-worker. Unless you are going to change jobs sort of hard to not deal with them.

You have dated a vendor, or someone else in your industry. You see this person at tradeshows, conventions, etc....

You have dated someone that hangs out at the same places you do...it's inevitable to not run into them...rather than reliving high school: running and hiding, starting a fight, etc...you say hi in passing or whatever.

1. I don't date co-workers.
2. Don't date people I have to work with.
3. I could care less if someone hangs out where I hang out. I can be friendly, but I don't have to be friends with them. Being friends implies hanging out, talking, doing things together. If you follow the basis of this thread, it implies those things as well.

There is a big percentage though of exes that still see each other are also still at least partially messing around...it's really up to your partner...if you trust them and they have agreed to a commitment you just got to trust the situation. They are not a pet you can keep on a leash.

Yea, old feelings are hard to break, which is why I said that I would be suspicious of a girl who often talks fondly of her ex and hangs out with said ex.

I am friends with a few exes, enemies with some, and a few my wife is friends with and knows that we were sexually involved. I have no desire to sleep with any of my exes now. Perhaps if I was single ever again and we were out together it would be different, but the reasons we did split is because we were just good friends and sex buddies...we didn't have the serious traits to make a life-long relationship with.

Good for you. I see no value and no point of being friends with my ex's.

 

[Red Dawn]

All my exes live in Texas so no, I don't keep in touch with them

 

[krunchykrome]

I dont spek to any of my exgirlfriends...AT ALL. Most of them have tried to communicate with me after the break up, and I ignore them. It can only cause problems, besides, I have enough friends.

 

[spidey07]

none whatsoever.

nothing good can come from it...your wife is harboring some resentment I'm sure. She's just not telling you.

 

[Feldenak]

I only keep in real contact with one of my ex-gfs. We were friends before long before we were a couple and we've been friends long since. Her brother was my best friend growing up and I was a groomsman in his wedding (paired wierdly enough with his sister). She sat at the table with my fiancee and I at the wedding reception and my fiancee actually invited her down to our house (they got along famously).

I generally try to follow the "break all contact" rule but sometimes there are exceptions.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
All my exes live in Texas so no, I don't keep in touch with them

You bastard, you never call & after all we've been through

:brokenheart:

 

[Schadenfroh]

Originally posted by: Sysadmin

Originally posted by: dirtboy
I don't communicate with any of my ex's. What's would be the point of it?

Same here Fvck that...

 

[Pliablemoose]

I just threaten to throw mine in jail

It's working great, I collect child support, she stays the fvck away

 

[prvteye2003]

Originally posted by: Megatomic
I have no contact with any of my ex's. There's a reason why they're ex's.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: spidey07
none whatsoever.

nothing good can come from it...your wife is harboring some resentment I'm sure. She's just not telling you.

I have been friends with my exes b/f's at times...it's those with hang-ups that have the problem.

Sounds like quite a few in here can use quite a bit of therapy. It's quite common for divorced parents to get along quite well with each other and their new mates and even do vacations together.

Again though it's not all exes and not even most of them...I am sure many here though can count there total dating history on two hands...not even mentioning the lower number of sexual partners.

 

[DrPizza]

Hmmmmmmm........ I did the math...
You were 18, and she was 14?! Cradle robber!
So, you, as a high school graduate old were dating a freshman in high school?

oh, and nothing wrong with keeping in touch. I don't keep in touch with any of my ex's. I had one that apparently kept track of me. We had crossed paths, said hi, and she gave me a summary of what she knew of me over the previous 10 years. I'd bet she regrets dumping me (we only dated for 2 weeks though) and that maybe someday she'd have a chance at getting back together. (I went on to have a career and family, she went on to become a single mom.)

 

[DaWhim]

Originally posted by: DrPizza
Hmmmmmmm........ I did the math...
You were 18, and she was 14?! Cradle robber!
So, you, as a high school graduate old were dating a freshman in high school?

oh, and nothing wrong with keeping in touch. I don't keep in touch with any of my ex's. I had one that apparently kept track of me. We had crossed paths, said hi, and she gave me a summary of what she knew of me over the previous 10 years. I'd bet she regrets dumping me (we only dated for 2 weeks though) and that maybe someday she'd have a chance at getting back together. (I went on to have a career and family, she went on to become a single mom.)

owned!

 

[ColdFusion718]

Ex'es should be exactly that, an EX <---someone you used to do sh!t. The key words are "used to"

 

[badluck]

wow...you guys are slow....

pics???

 

[Klixxer]

Well, with one ex, we have kids together so i don't have much of a choice, not with the others though.

 

[allisolm]

One man + one wife + one ex-girlfriend who was around during man's drug dependent/depressed era = recipe for trouble. In a perfect world how lovely it all would be as the three of you held hands and skipped along to "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood." In the real world marriages face enough challenges without adding unnecessary ones. Just what an addict needs - someone to hash over the old "drug haze" times with. Stay far away!

 

[biostud]

Heh, when I read the title I thought you got drunk and ended up marrying your ex-GF

But, no I don't stay in contact with my ex-GF.

 

[cherrytwist]

**Update**

Well...after a long, painful, conversation last night with the wife, I've decided not to keep in touch with my ex. I'm not gonna go into details...but I've decided that nothing good can come from it.

My wife and I have enough on our table with the marriage anyway (as most do), not to mention moving 1200 miles away and starting new jobs.

Although I really enjoyed seeing her, I've been conflicted since (emotionally, not otherwise). It just stirred up old feelings that have no place in my current life. To recognize that and appreciate that is important.

 

[DougK62]

cherrytwist: A wise choice.

I keep in touch somewhat with an ex and we had a horrible break-up. Normally I wouldn't, but she hurt me really bad at the time and her life has been spiraling down the crapper ever since. I enjoy hearing about her failures and bragging about my achievements. Yeah I know I'm an arsehole - oh well.

 

[Night201]

I communicate with my ex about 2x a year. Just to catch up and say hello and stuff. My GF doesn't mind. She trusts me as she should. I would never cheat.

 

[ragazzo]

Originally posted by: cherrytwist
**Update**

Well...after a long, painful, conversation last night with the wife, I've decided not to keep in touch with my ex. I'm not gonna go into details...but I've decided that nothing good can come from it.

My wife and I have enough on our table with the marriage anyway (as most do), not to mention moving 1200 miles away and starting new jobs.

Although I really enjoyed seeing her, I've been conflicted since (emotionally, not otherwise). It just stirred up old feelings that have no place in my current life. To recognize that and appreciate that is important.

have a beer on me :thumbsup: