YAGT: How to deal with this problem:

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: dullard
Thanks everyone for the advice.

Originally posted by: KB
Tell her you care about her and want to be there for her... but that you don't know how to be there for her unless you know what it is.

That is what I tried, but it got nowhere.

I'll try to ignore it for now. But it really put a pall over my day. We took some major strides forward in our relationship this weekend, and I thought things were going very well. Then this. I hope it is not related to something big we did, but instead I hope it is related to something small I said.

If it comes up again, I'll confront her and tell her that tactic makes me mad (I shouldn't sit here mad at her and not tell her why either - I don't want to be a hypocrite).

What happened this weekend?

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

 

[Captante]

Do the best you can to forget about it ... eventually you'll have to deal with it & they'll be time to worry about it then.

 

[Descartes]

I've been there many times. I don't know of any successful maneuver that can elicit the appropriate information. I'm still not sure why they do it.

20 months without an argument? Damn.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
why isn't ignoring it an option? If its important it will rear its ugly head in an obvious manner at a later time. don't play her little games.

QFT! you're not a mind reader. my gf used to pull these things. at first, id probe and probe until she told me. then i got sick of it. id probe a couple times then just ignore it. over time she learned that im not a mind reader and wont fix whats bothering her and she'll be the only person that's affected until she opens her mouth and tells me whats bothering her.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: McGyver
picture or banned!

Oops.

I'd hit it

TriforceOfCourage and EGGO have the right idea. Tell her you don't have the time/effort/desire to play her stupid little mind games, and that when she's ready to act like an adult to let you know. Until then, she's acting like a kid, and that would make you a pedophile. :Q

- M4H

 

[vi edit]

It's a defense mechanism. She knows that her reason for being mad has no logical basis and trying to discuss it would result in you completely dissecting her reasoning.

She's stalling until she can figure out a way to rationalize it to you or just waiting for it to blow over.

 

[dmcowen674]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

Sounds like keep her but marry another girl.

 

[IFICUDIWUD]

just forget about it. Its not worth worrying about... I promise she will tell you when she is ready to talk about it. You have done all you can for now.. You asked! Leave it there..STOP bringing it up..The more you piss her off the worse it's gonna be...let it lay brother

 

[maziwanka]

first, like others have said, if she won't tell you, then stop giving a crap about it.

second, tell her to stop acting like she's 10 years old and tell you what the problem is; if she refuses and you honestly have no clue, then just tell her that the issue is resolved in your mind and that you're not discussing it anymore.

stories like this piss me off. if you're old enough and in a relationship for long enough, stop fscking playing games. if you're pissed off, tell the other person why; it's a lot healthier and productive for the relationship.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
It's a defense mechanism. She knows that her reason for being mad has no logical basis and trying to discuss it would result in you completely dissecting reasoning.

She's stalling until she can figure out a way to rationalize it to you or just waiting for it to blow over.

Yep. I've got ten bucks that its that time of the month. She doesnt want to talk about it because either its irrational, or she'll become irrational once its talked about.

Just tell her that if she isnt going to tell you what it is, then it obviously isnt worth discussing, and youre not in the mood for games, and she can either bring it up or drop it.

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: IFICUDIWUD
just forget about it. Its not worth worrying about... I promise she will tell you when she is ready to talk about it. You have done all you can for now.. You asked! Leave it there..STOP bringing it up..The more you piss her off the worse it's gonna be...let it lay brother

agreed. leave it alone. personally i feel it's a manipulative ploy. take away the power it lords over you by ignoring it completely. once she gets it, that it doesn't work, she'll be reluctant to do it again. been down this road many times.

if she hints around it, ignore them.

 

[CKent]

Use an escort service. In the long run it costs less. You can see more than one girl. You don't have to deal with rugrats. And an escort service can't divorce you & leave you homeless & without a car.

Edit: Forgot to mention - you age, but the girls don't

 

[yhelothar]

Originally posted by: dullard
Whelp, 20 months into our relationship my otherwise perfect GF just brought out my most dreaded female tactic. Completely out of the blue on a day when we were having a good time, she says that she is ticked off at me and won't tell me why.

I probed a bit, and she didn't budge. So later last night, I probed again and she said it was minor so she won't bring it up. But then she said it will someday turn into our first argument (ie it isn't minor). Something about my philosophy on an issue.

So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

And NO, dumping her isn't an option up for consideration.

Perfect GF?
A perfect GF is one that would constructively work out problems with you... not one that appears to never have any problems. There's no such thing as a problem-free relationship, only a BS one.

 

[jdini76]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

This is raising a flag for me. It may be a long way off for you, but most likely not for her. she has already thought about what kind of wedding dress she wants.

Think back about some sort of philosophy about getting married you mentioned thinking it was no big deal. It was to her.

You said that she said her issue isn't a big deal but will one day(in the future) could be your first fight. This is ringing a bell with me.

 

[jdini76]

Originally posted by: Descartes
20 months without an argument? Damn.

Yea sounds good on the surface, But apparently she keeps everything bottled up. It will eventually let lose and all hell will break lose!

 

[Steve]

I can't give any advice that hasn't already been said, so all I can say is the people giving advice here are on the right track.


Make sure at the end of it all you make it clear to her that you never want her to ruin your day like that again.

 

[toolboxolio]

Just walk out of the room and say "Your exactly like your dumb mom" just loud enough where she can hear you but will wonder if you didn't want her to hear you.


This is of course when you DO get into the inevitable argument that she so wants to have with her most cared about person in her life.

 

[jdini76]

Originally posted by: toolboxolio
Just walk out of the room and say "Your exactly like your dumb mom" just loud enough where she can hear you but will wonder if you didn't want her to hear you.


This is of course when you DO get into the inevitable argument that she so wants to have with her most cared about person in her life.

Interesting. I like your style. By doing this you are taking the control away from her by deciding when'This first argument' will happen.

Who is she to say when you guys will have the first argument! I say pick a fight now! You decide! Grow a pair!

 

[purbeast0]

you should try dating girls over the age of 13 (or ones that atleast act like they are over the age of 13).

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: dullard
Whelp, 20 months into our relationship my otherwise perfect GF just brought out my most dreaded female tactic. Completely out of the blue on a day when we were having a good time, she says that she is ticked off at me and won't tell me why.

I probed a bit, and she didn't budge. So later last night, I probed again and she said it was minor so she won't bring it up. But then she said it will someday turn into our first argument (ie it isn't minor). Something about my philosophy on an issue.

So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

And NO, dumping her isn't an option up for consideration.

So just because the others did it, she will too? Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

No wonder she doesn't want to get into it with you.

 

[purbeast0]

Originally posted by: Aharami

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
why isn't ignoring it an option? If its important it will rear its ugly head in an obvious manner at a later time. don't play her little games.

QFT! you're not a mind reader. my gf used to pull these things. at first, id probe and probe until she told me. then i got sick of it. id probe a couple times then just ignore it. over time she learned that im not a mind reader and wont fix whats bothering her and she'll be the only person that's affected until she opens her mouth and tells me whats bothering her.

sounds like me and my girl. typically if my girl is pissed at me, she won't tell me right away for the sheer fact that if we argue/talk while she's heated, she doesn't want to say something she will later regret.

so now if she gets mad at me, i will typically ask her whats wrong and she usually won't answer me, and i'll jus go do my own thing until she's not heated anymore and we can talk like 2 adults.

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: Gnrslash4life
Tell her or act like you dont give a crap what it is.

I wouldn't just act like i don't give a crap... I seriously wouldn't give a crap. I'd make my best most sincere effort to bring it out of her, then i'd just forget about it. I'll deal with the argument if and when it comes up. Until then she's choosing for it to be only her problem, so i'll honor her wishes. Seriously, if she doesn't think it's big enough to talk about, i don't think it's big enough to worry about.

 

[yllus]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: dullard
Whelp, 20 months into our relationship my otherwise perfect GF just brought out my most dreaded female tactic. Completely out of the blue on a day when we were having a good time, she says that she is ticked off at me and won't tell me why.

I probed a bit, and she didn't budge. So later last night, I probed again and she said it was minor so she won't bring it up. But then she said it will someday turn into our first argument (ie it isn't minor). Something about my philosophy on an issue.

So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

And NO, dumping her isn't an option up for consideration.

So just because the others did it, she will too? Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

No wonder she doesn't want to get into it with you.

AT Female Defence Force in effect! No logical leap too large!

 

[CKent]

Originally posted by: yllus

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: dullard
Whelp, 20 months into our relationship my otherwise perfect GF just brought out my most dreaded female tactic. Completely out of the blue on a day when we were having a good time, she says that she is ticked off at me and won't tell me why.

I probed a bit, and she didn't budge. So later last night, I probed again and she said it was minor so she won't bring it up. But then she said it will someday turn into our first argument (ie it isn't minor). Something about my philosophy on an issue.

So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

And NO, dumping her isn't an option up for consideration.

So just because the others did it, she will too? Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

No wonder she doesn't want to get into it with you.

AT Female Defence Force in effect! No logical leap too large!

:thumbsup::laugh: