YAGT: How to deal with this problem:

[jman19]

You are expected to "just know" what the problem is. If she has to tell you, you aren't sensitive to her feelings, or you don't understand her, blah blah blah...

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: jdini76
Think back about some sort of philosophy about getting married you mentioned thinking it was no big deal. It was to her.

That is why I had trouble ignoring it. Sure, she might be able to wait, but I'm left wondering was it something about our serious discussions or was it something about our choice of dinner last night? Was it a marriage related topic? Or was it a joke I told that she doesn't like? I was just left hanging.

Most likely, I think it was a comment I made in passing about school. She attended an all girls private school, I attended a public school. Both of us are successes. I can show you studies that factor out family upbringing (income, race, parental caring, etc) that says private and public schools give the exact same results. Top students do well in both, low students do poorly in both, average students do average in both. Multiple studies are coming out now showing that. I mentioned in passing that single-gender schools have some advantages but they have significant drawbacks too. I THINK this is what it is about. Something minor as it doesn't affect us in any way, but something that she really wants to defend.

I think she is under a mistaken circular argument. Top private schools get to be selective in their clients, the top rich students with parents who care can get in, thus it is full of only top students and get top scores, thus it is considered a top school, thus top students attend, etc. It isn't the school that made them successes (studies show these kids would do equally as well in other schools). They were successes because they were already bright students with parents who cared about a good education.

Of course, I could be wrong in that guess.

Originally posted by: jdini76

Originally posted by: Descartes
20 months without an argument? Damn.

Yea sounds good on the surface, But apparently she keeps everything bottled up. It will eventually let lose and all hell will break lose!

That is the way things go sometimes. I'd rather be blunt and let things out, bottleing things up doesn't help either of you. But I'm also quite easy going. I don't fight over anything that is minor. I'll gladly enter a debate, but keep things civil and not actually argue.

 

[Steve]

Take her to a strip joint.

 

[Mxylplyx]

You say "I'm dumping your sorry ass, and I'm not telling you why"

 

[Arschloch]

Originally posted by: jdini76

Originally posted by: Descartes
20 months without an argument? Damn.

Yea sounds good on the surface, But apparently she keeps everything bottled up. It will eventually let lose and all hell will break lose!

Serenity now!

 

[dirtboy]

You can either ignore her and tell her you don't care if she's mad or not. I like this one.

Or

You can tell her you're ticked at her and that someday it will cause a fight. Don't tell her the reason for the future fight is her being mad and not telling you, but throw it in her face then.

 

[spanner]

My likely response-

"UUUUUh, I'm sorry you're mad. Let me know when you feel like telling me. (no hint of sarcasm)

Though be warned, people who are looking for drama and arguments from me usually leave unsatisfied since I can't be bothered.

 

[ITJunkie]

"Well, since you're already pissed I might as well go enjoy myself. Bye"

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

Please tell me you didn't tap it for the first time, then roll over and go to sleep

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

Oh, come on! This is ATOT; your secret's safe with us!

 

[mugs]

Don't respond to it at all. Just act like nothing is wrong. Eventually she'll realize her tactic has no effect and she'll tell you what's wrong. If you let her know that it bugs you, then she's gotten the effect she desired.

 

[toolboxolio]

she probably fvcked another guy and wants to make YOU feel guilty.

 

[mobobuff]

Just means she's mad at you but she knows it's unsubstantiated and just another one of those nonsensical girly things.

 

[her209]

Rearrange the kitchen. When she confronts you, say you thought she was mad at you for not putting the pots and pans back after using them.

Rinse. Repeat.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: her209
Rearrange the kitchen. When she confronts you, say you thought she was mad at you for not putting the pots and pans back after using them.

Rinse. Repeat.

That's an interesting tactic...

 

[Fox5]

Originally posted by: toolboxolio
she probably fvcked another guy and wants to make YOU feel guilty.

Seconded.

That, or she just wants to find out if you tell her everything or not. She may figure you have done something at some point (however minor) that you know she would disapprove of, and she just wants to find out so she can lord it over you.

 

[Shawn]

Solution: Kick her in the ovaries.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: dullard
So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

So just because the others did it, she will too? Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

No wonder she doesn't want to get into it with you.

WTF are you talking about?

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Tell her to grow up and spill the beans, otherwise she should STFU cos it's obviously not worth discussing.

 

[Roguestar]

Originally posted by: GuitarDaddy

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
What happened this weekend?

1) Discussions about whether or not we are compatable for marriage. But that'll still be a long way off.
2) Decisions about my career track. I've been considering a big change that will affect both of us.
3) A few things that I'm not supposed to talk about, she doesn't like kissing and telling.

Please tell me you didn't tap it for the first time, then roll over and go to sleep

Maybe he missed the intended target and kept on going anyway.

And now she's sore about it.

 

[NakaNaka]

Update? I'm curious what it was.

 

[Steve]

Originally posted by: NakaNaka
Update? I'm curious what it was.

He's too mad at you to tell you.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: NakaNaka
Update? I'm curious what it was.

I don't have much of an update (that is, the update is too boring to bother posting). But I don't need to have a spider post either.

She said it wasn't anything and that she realized she overreacted. I still don't know what it was.

I told her that I dislike they type of approach. She said she will try not to do it again.

 

[Tiamat]

hahaha, i hate that crap. Been through that sh1t several times and i always tell my gf she is full of it when she does that. She keeps trying to force me to play her damn guessing game (which I refuse causing her to get more angry).

After the 3rd time of this "guess why I am angry with you" games (which I "lost" all 3 times), I sat her down and told her that I wasn't gonna stand for any more BS. No more guessing games, no loaded questions. On the occasion it comes up, I just tell her "Thats a loaded question, or I'm not playing your guessing game" and it gets stomped out before an arguement can ensue.

So far, haven't had any problems, then again, I got her addicted to WoW, but thats a different story.

 

[NakaNaka]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: NakaNaka
Update? I'm curious what it was.

I don't have much of an update (that is, the update is too boring to bother posting). But I don't need to have a spider post either.

She said it wasn't anything and that she realized she overreacted. I still don't know what it was.

I told her that I dislike they type of approach. She said she will try not to do it again.

{Shakes head} Women ...