YAGT: How will I make my relationship last through college?

[brigden]

Originally posted by: KLin
You'll be broken up within a month.

There's the rub.

 

[Injury]

Originally posted by: archcommus
We discussed some things. She actually didn't cry as much as she used to, I think she's getting used to thinking about it.

Basically, I told her that I don't want to go to school in the mindset that we HAVE to stay together, because that will result in me avoiding all girls and any kinds of potential relationships. I said I need to go feeling open and free, so I can meet new girls, go on dates if I want, etc. She understood and realized that she'd want to do the same thing when she goes to college.

BUT, and this is the very important part, we realize that just because we see other people, that doesn't mean we INSTANTLY have to cut off all relations with each other. We can still see each other, we just won't be a strict couple anymore. For example, when I come home for breaks, we can still catch a movie, maybe go to dinner, basically just have fun as if we were any other two people going on a date. And, if at the end of the school year I'm still not dating anyone ELSE seriously, and if I still want to be with her, then that means our relationship survived a healthy test.

What do you think, do our thoughts on this sound good?

:thumbsup:

 

[desteffy]

you are basically doomed.

sorry

 

[djNickb]

Originally posted by: MazerRackham
Why would you want to date the same girl all the way through college? Dude, YOU CAN GET WITH SO MANY CHICKS IN COLLEGE IT'S SICKENING NOW THAT I'M OUT OF COLLEGE. STAY SINGLE IN COLLEGE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Seriously, my roommate was with the same girl through high school and college only to breakup just before graduation. Oh the irony - lol

 

[archcommus]

The plan that I posted above is essentially breaking it off with her. But what it's saying is that me and her can date just like me and anyone else or her and anyone else can date. It's saying that we don't have to break up with the idea that we'll never get back together again.

But, as spidey07 stated, there'd be a lot of wondering going around. We'd be trying to convert ourselves from formal couple in love to two people just dating. How can you down-grade a relationship like that? The more I think about it the more impossible it seems. Plus, what if one of us doesn't do much with other people, and the other does. Then, when I'm home from school for awhile, one of us could expect to see the other a bunch, but the other might be ready to cut it off 100%. So that makes me think, we either have to cut it off COMPLETELY, with no thoughts of dating ever again, or keep going completely, and stay a couple. Neither options work.

The plan I posted above, as was stated, sounds great on paper. But how can we realistically execute it?

 

[meltdown75]

Just do what I did. Don't make any drastic changes, just go to school with the promise that you will be a good boy. Try out the long distance thing, and if it doesn't work you can at least say you gave it some effort.

No offense, but when you're 18 you have your whole life ahead of you. I know it feels like crazy true love, and it might even be. But like you said, you want to keep your options open and basically just be free and have fun. No sluttiness implied - just good clean fun without having to worry about rushing back to your dorm room at a certain time so you don't miss that nightly phone call. I remember what that was like - literally. And to tell you the truth I felt a little chained down. On nights when I would miss the call, I'd hear all about it the next day and how she thought I was with someone else, yadda yadda. You might be different and not have any trust issues - if so that's awesome. But even the strongest, most unjealous woman in the world will go bananas if she thinks there are hot co-eds around every corner, no matter how much they trust you.

I say give it an honest effort to start. She's obviously cool enough for that, no? LD relationships are tough, but they're not impossible.

 

[archcommus]

There is a lot of trust both ways. I know she'd never cheat on me and I'd never cheat on her. That said, if I knew I didn't want to get involved with anyone on campus, she would be able to trust me and not go crazy if I don't call every night or something like that.

However, we all know it would be nearly impossible to stay true to one woman an hour away with all the other women around me daily. We KNOW I will be tempted to do physical things and we KNOW I will encounter females that I want to get to know better or perhaps date. This is especially true since I will only be seeing her maybe twice a month, and since it's my FIRST YEAR, and next year she will be going, too. That is why we're not even attempting to stay a strict couple. I can do what I want, she can do what she wants. If either of us find someone else, then it wasn't meant to be. If neither of us do, we'll come crawling back to each other naturally.

Sounds good on paper, but...I dunno. I'm afraid this plan will just result in a complete break-up, even if neither of us find someone else.

 

[meltdown75]

Well, generally when you allow yourself to see other people, that's kinda the idea. You'll begin to like the new p00n you're getting and might forget about old Sally.

Maybe the good thing to do would have been to do nothing at all. These things tend to work themselves out. anyway cheers :beer: and have fun at school.

 

[globalcitizen]

Its possible to keep it going. My roommate has a girl for 3 years now. They met in high school and are still very strong. The freaky part is that they have set a marriage date in 2011. Yikes.

 

[archcommus]

Well, us deciding that we should only date loosely and not be a strict couple comes from the fact that we know I will be interested in other girls once I get to school. Since we know that, we figure we should let ourselves do what we want, and if we still want each other later then we get back together.

But when I read some of the few stories that exist where couples last very well through something like this, I wonder: what if we should become one of those stories? What if no other girls will appeal to me like she does? What if I won't value getting, as you would say, p00n, to be worth losing my relationship? I don't want to realize that after we have already decided to cut things off.

 

[KEV1N]

I was in the same situation as you when I got to college. I was dating a girl for two years and we tried to keep it going, but it only lasted unti May of my freshman year.

I know you are really attached to right now, but trust me, when you finally get to school and the place is literally crawling with girls (so hot!), you are going to resent being tied down. You don't want to hinder yourself in this time of extremely accelerated social growth. So break it of amicably, have fun, and you never know, you might get back together later when you're both older and wiser. And have had a lot of p00n.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: archcommus
There is a lot of trust both ways. I know she'd never cheat on me and I'd never cheat on her. That said, if I knew I didn't want to get involved with anyone on campus, she would be able to trust me and not go crazy if I don't call every night or something like that.

However, we all know it would be nearly impossible to stay true to one woman an hour away with all the other women around me daily. We KNOW I will be tempted to do physical things and we KNOW I will encounter females that I want to get to know better or perhaps date. This is especially true since I will only be seeing her maybe twice a month, and since it's my FIRST YEAR, and next year she will be going, too. That is why we're not even attempting to stay a strict couple. I can do what I want, she can do what she wants. If either of us find someone else, then it wasn't meant to be. If neither of us do, we'll come crawling back to each other naturally.

Sounds good on paper, but...I dunno. I'm afraid this plan will just result in a complete break-up, even if neither of us find someone else.

Sorry to say this, but your line of thinking means you both don't truly love each other. If you really love somebody the thought of trying somebody else doesn't even enter your mind. Its over man - both of you guys are using each other as a backup. That's not a relationship. Break it off clean.

Or do what I would ultimately suggest, string her along as "bone in the back" for as long as you can.

 

[bunker]

Ehh... I saved myself the trouble and just dumped my girlfriend my senior year of highschool (we had been dating for almost 2 years). It's not worth the hassle. No girl is at that age, and if you think otherwise, you'll learn.

 

[Reckoner]

There is absolutely zero chance of this working out.

 

[Mo0o]

I got five bucks saying you wont last the year

 

[archcommus]

Well I made a big boo boo today, apparently. I thought things were alright after our talk earlier today, but when I just called now to say goodnight she was bawling her eyes out.

I'll post more in a bit.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: archcommus
Well I made a big boo boo today, apparently. I thought things were alright after our talk earlier today, but when I just called now to say goodnight she was bawling her eyes out.

I'll post more in a bit.

welcome to the guilt trip you will face every day. Either you love her or you don't, make up your mind. They use those tears as a tactical weapon and they absolutely CANNOT BE TOLERATED

Me? I loved my high school sweetie and she was my first love. But her drama and guilt trips finally set me free and I could finally discover who I was without her.

 

[Jzero]

I was dating a great girl when I left for college, but it just wasn't gonna work. I think we did ourselves a favor by just cutting it off and not wasting any more time than necessary when we knew in our hearts that it wasn't going to work.

 

[archcommus]

This is bad, I can't stop her (on the phone as I type).

I'm starting to think now that we really can't PLAN anything at all. We really have no idea. When I see her and when I'm with her I feel that I love her. I can't picture anyone ever replacing her. She's too unique and too perfect. She cares about what I care about more than anyone else ver could. She makes me happier than I could picture anyone else ever doing.

Who are we to say NOW whether that feeling will hold up in college or not? We have no fvckin' clue. I could meet every damn girl on campus and maybe make some good friends, but maybe desire nothing more with any of them. After not seeing her for a month, maybe I'll want to do is get to go home to see her.

Or, maybe I'll quickly give in to sexual tempatations and other girls' personalities, because maybe my feeling of love will fade very rapidly in her absence.

How are either of us to know now? I say we go into this with high hopes and try to keep it going. If I see myself faltering once I get there, then I know I don't love her and it's time to stop.

 

[dirtboy]

Break up before you leave and save yourself the headache. At least that way you'll be able to meet new girls at college from the get go.

 

[archcommus]

I'm just plain confused. We talked through her crying for a good while on the phone and neither of us know what to think.

There are a couple different trains of thought and we keep flip-flopping between them. They are:

1) It is inevitable I will want to act on physical temptations and date new girls. Since this is definitely going to happen, might as well end it now to save ourselves the heartache.

2) Yes, I will be tempted by other girls personalities and bodies, but there is a chance I will not want any of them more than I want her. Thus, we should stick it through until I start actually desiring other people more, which may not happen.

Earlier today we were saying 1, then we said 2, then 1 again...ugh...

 

[MercenaryForHire]

I say that you two should break up now and avoid the heartache. In my mind, if you were going to stick together this wouldn't even be coming up as a question - it would have been discussed when the errant feelings came up at college.

- M4H

 

[archcommus]

Well, this actually WASN'T a question until others planted it in our minds. Our original intentions for quite some time now were to stick together and hope that nothing pulls us apart. However, recently, friends and other people have put the idea in our heads that our break-up is inevitable, and that is why we should do it before I leave, 1) to avoid heartache, and 2) so that I am not tied down.

 

[Ranger X]

First of all, why do you have a serious girlfriend at 18? You should be out having fun and dating as many girls as possible. You may feel like you are in "love" now but once you're in college and while you're making new friends, your girlfriend will seem like yesterday's news.

Break up now and don't look back. If you remain together, expect her to constantly call you to check up on you. You cannot have a relationships without trust.

 

[archcommus]