YAGT: I like a married woman. Anyone have experience with this?

[Greenman]

This thread will be solid gold if her hubby reads Anandtech.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: Greenman
This thread will be solid gold if her hubby reads Anandtech.

LMAO it would be, and i would have new pics of my bloody face to post up. luckily he doesn't use a computer, and only 2 RL friends of mine use these forums and they both do not know the girl

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: kmrivers

Originally posted by: MazerRackham

Originally posted by: essasin
Karma is a bitch.

QFT. Leave her alone, she's already taken bro. Don't be that guy.

Karma doesn't exist.

"Don't be that guy?" What guy? Speaking from experience are we?

Some of you are big wussies. If she wants to leave her husband for the OP, so be it.

If she wants to cheat, so be it. If the OP is that detached that he just wants to lay a married woman. Ok. THey have to deal with the ramifications for their actions.

It is up to the OP to decide what he should do. He doesn't have to leave her alone, should he sleep with her? That is something he should decide. So what if she is taken, would that stop you from pursuing someone you loved? It wouldnt stop me. But my judgements wouldnt let me sleep with her while she was taken.

I am not saying cheat, but telling him to back off is quite silly. No he shouldnt cheat, he should attempt to make sure she is doing what she wants while not intentionally hurting her husband.

yeah the main point of this thread was not to really asked what i should do. Someone earlier said "you will do what you want to do" which is true why else do we go against the advice of our parents for so long. I wanted to post to share the situation i am in and possibly get advise from others on our THEIR similar sitations had gone since i am still in the early stages or not having done anything but have the oppertunity to. I wanted to hear from those who did do something and how it ended, and those who didn't and how it ended.

 

[MazerRackham]

Originally posted by: kmrivers

Originally posted by: MazerRackham

Originally posted by: essasin
Karma is a bitch.

QFT. Leave her alone, she's already taken bro. Don't be that guy.

Karma doesn't exist.

"Don't be that guy?" What guy? Speaking from experience are we?

Some of you are big wussies. If she wants to leave her husband for the OP, so be it.

If she wants to cheat, so be it. If the OP is that detached that he just wants to lay a married woman. Ok. THey have to deal with the ramifications for their actions.

It is up to the OP to decide what he should do. He doesn't have to leave her alone, should he sleep with her? That is something he should decide. So what if she is taken, would that stop you from pursuing someone you loved? It wouldnt stop me. But my judgements wouldnt let me sleep with her while she was taken.

I am not saying cheat, but telling him to back off is quite silly. No he shouldnt cheat, he should attempt to make sure she is doing what she wants while not intentionally hurting her husband.

Really? Well, I have experienced this first hand. I did what the OP proposed to do, though not as severe. I enticed a girl who had been dating a guy for nearly 5 years to cheat on him. She broke up with him not soon after, and then we dated for a year or so. The whole time we both felt guilty about what we had done, and it eventually ruined our tenuous relationship.

That might be something that you would enjoy, but I'll never do it again. There are PLENTY of women who aren't in serious relationships/married, and it's not that hard to find good ones at that.

Things like this start off as exciting because of all the "creepin" around, but after a while all you're left with is a mess. No thanks.

To each his own, but I know I'll never attempt something like that again.

 

[mercanucaribe]

She's Catholic- that marriage can be annulled.

The people saying to forget about it because she's married are simplifying the situation. Her marriage should have never happened.

 

[Captante]

This isn't going to end well ... marked for later!

 

[Balt]

If you really care for her maybe you shouldn't mess up her life.

 

[kmrivers]

Originally posted by: MazerRackham

Originally posted by: kmrivers

Originally posted by: MazerRackham

Originally posted by: essasin
Karma is a bitch.

QFT. Leave her alone, she's already taken bro. Don't be that guy.

Karma doesn't exist.

"Don't be that guy?" What guy? Speaking from experience are we?

Some of you are big wussies. If she wants to leave her husband for the OP, so be it.

If she wants to cheat, so be it. If the OP is that detached that he just wants to lay a married woman. Ok. THey have to deal with the ramifications for their actions.

It is up to the OP to decide what he should do. He doesn't have to leave her alone, should he sleep with her? That is something he should decide. So what if she is taken, would that stop you from pursuing someone you loved? It wouldnt stop me. But my judgements wouldnt let me sleep with her while she was taken.

I am not saying cheat, but telling him to back off is quite silly. No he shouldnt cheat, he should attempt to make sure she is doing what she wants while not intentionally hurting her husband.

Really? Well, I have experienced this first hand. I did what the OP proposed to do, though not as severe. I enticed a girl who had been dating a guy for nearly 5 years to cheat on him. She broke up with him not soon after, and then we dated for a year or so. The whole time we both felt guilty about what we had done, and it eventually ruined our tenuous relationship.

That might be something that you would enjoy, but I'll never do it again. There are PLENTY of women who aren't in serious relationships/married, and it's not that hard to find good ones at that.

Things like this start off as exciting because of all the "creepin" around, but after a while all you're left with is a mess. No thanks.

To each his own, but I know I'll never attempt something like that again.

That doesn't equate to Karma. And in my opinion that was a poorly handled situation.

1: You convinced her to cheat. Personally I think cheating isn't cool. Telling someone that you don't want to be with them is fine by me and that should be the course of action.

2: You chose to be with a girl who would cheat on someone with a little convincing. Bad judgement on your part.

3: Your guilt is just that, your guilt. You felt wrong about what you did. Whether or not you should have is beyond the point and everyones own decision. You broke up because of it, if that is the case so be it.

I am not sure what you are getting at. Are you trying to imply that I enjoy sleeping with married women and wrecking marriages? If that is the case you should read my posts again.

I am simply saying that there are futher judgements to be made before the pants come off. If she is still married, would the OP want someone who is not capable of handling situations in their life and wrecklessly destroying someone elses by cheating? Personally I would not, but that is the OPs decision.

Is it wrong to cheat? For me, yes. To others it may not be. TO each their own as you say. But please don't attempt to make value judgements about me as you share your sad but equally meaningless story about failed love because of your poor decisions.

I am simply challenging the OP to look at it through a different lens. Without definitive ethical judgements, because frankly there are none.

 

[flexy]

>>>
that i def have a chance at gettnig her into bed if nothing else.
>>>

whow...you are my hero.

NOT.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: Balt
If you really care for her maybe you shouldn't mess up her life.

nah i wouldn't, like i said we are close friends and i care about her more than she knows. More than she knows because i do not express my feelings towards her more than friendship. I have never encouraged her to leave her fiance/husband or to cheat. We have never done anything physical other than hug nor have i tried. The worst thing we have done is ver heavily flirt and talk about our sexual interests etc and talk about things that we we coul do together that would be fun. however those things started a year ago and stopped soon after. That was one of the reasons i stopped talkign to ehr earlier int he year, because it was not going to go anywhere andd a few other reasons (if i stopped talking to her for just that reason it would mean we were never really friends to begin with and i just wanted 1 thing). It just had to do with our friendship, where it was headed, her relationship with her then fiance, and what was better for both of us.
So i have gone out of my way not to ruin things for and seperated myself from her initially to protect the both of us and yes not ruin her life, or complicate mine.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: flexy
>>>
that i def have a chance at gettnig her into bed if nothing else.
>>>

whow...you are my hero.

NOT.

and one of her closest friends told me that i def have a chance at gettnig her into bed if nothing else.

sounds so much worse when you don't quote the whole sentence doesn't it

 

[flexy]

"forced to marrY" "husband is an a$$" etc..etc..blah blah blah

Not that anyone would expect YOU to write praises about her HUSBAND....OF COURSE you would rant and rave about him because you want her.

Although..the irnoy....why the **** is she togeteher with him such a long time ? So..there must be something to their relationshipp..whether you like it or not. if she is SO UNHAPPY and "forced" and blahblah as you say....she is an adult eprson and has very well the freedom to leave/divorce whatsoever.

SInce she obviously does NOT..and NOT TELLS YOU "oh...ok, i lave my husband. He is an a$$, i hate him. I was only forced to marry him" <--- does this statement come from HER or from YOU ???? If it doesnt come from HER....then why not ? Ever thought about it ? It would speak NOTHING against her saying i leave me husband and be with you..but she doesnt.

 

[LS20]

jim and pam?

married = tampered. 3000000000 females in the world, why bother with one who's already taken, regardless of circumstances?

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: flexy
"forced to marrY" "husband is an a$$" etc..etc..blah blah blah

Not that anyone would expect YOU to write praises about her HUSBAND....OF COURSE you would rant and rave about him because you want her.

Although..the irnoy....why the **** is she togeteher with him such a long time ? So..there must be something to their relationshipp..whether you like it or not. if she is SO UNHAPPY and "forced" and blahblah as you say....she is an adult eprson and has very well the freedom to leave/divorce whatsoever.

SInce she obviously does NOT..and NOT TELLS YOU "oh...ok, i lave my husband. He is an a$$, i hate him. I was only forced to marry him" <--- does this statement come from HER or from YOU ???? If it doesnt come from HER....then why not ? Ever thought about it ? It would speak NOTHING against her saying i leave me husband and be with you..but she doesnt.

wow did you even read my whole post!?
i ahve VERY little experience with her husband and have only met him a few times. What little i do know about him i either know through her or her friends. From the way he treated her before the marriage everyone agreed he was an arse and so would you if she herself told you some of the things he has said and done. If you also read the post you will see that i mention how since they have gotten married he has been really nice to her. He treats her nice, tries to be nice to her friends and actually hangs out with her friends rather than having her always hang out with his, he cleans, cooks, goes out of his way of her, and is working long hours at work trying to move up to make more money so she can start working part time rather than fulltime so she can finish school. She herself said he has been a lot better and way different from before they got married and he is really trying. However she is still very nonchalant about the whole thing as if it doesn't change the way she feels. Her best friend tells me she is still unhappy and not excited about any of it. She herself told me it's "whatever" when i told her that is awesome that he is better now. In the end it wouldn't matter if he was always the best guy in the world to her, if she doesn't want to be married to him she just does't.
I also mentioend int he OP how i do not doubt that she cares for him and that there is something there, but i don't think she really loves him int he way she needs to to spend the rest of her life with him. She is the one that told me herself before we stopepd talking that she cared for him but he isn't who she wants to marry definitely not yet (5 months before they got married).
She is also the one who told me how her parents threatened her about getting married, i didn't hear it from anyone else. After she told me i ran to her best friend and talked to her about it and she said yes it was true and it sucks because alls he wnated to do was get away from her fam without having to be marrie which i had been told before.

Look i am glad she is being treated better and i VERY much wish she was happy because of it. If she came and told me today that she is VERY happy with this guy it would be the best news in the world, i would be endlessly happy for her and i would never do or say anyhtign to ruin it. Any feelings i have i would from then on keep to myself. But this is not the case. Hwoever she does not come out compalinig or calling him an ass, she complains very little about anything at all it is just the way she was raised and complaining about your husband is the last thign you are supposed to do so now she just says thigns are "fine" even though she isn't completely happy.

 

[Safeway]

I would do it. She is very, very attractive. If you are as good of a match as you think you are, it will work out just fine.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: LS20
jim and pam?

married = tampered. 3000000000 females in the world, why bother with one who's already taken, regardless of circumstances?

who is Jim and Pam?

i tried not to. She came back into my life and i honestly care for the girl. I have not tried anything at the moment i have just entertained the idea of it. Like it has been said here before, you can't help who you care for or love. It would def be another story if she was happy with who she was with or only saw me as a friend, it wouldn't be the first time someone i wanted or wnated to get to know wasn't interested in me big deal i would move on. But i really care and if we were together i could see it working out and from what she has told me, the way she is with me, and what our friends tell me, she is interested aswell. Circumstances aren't ideal for it though so nothing has happened and i have no intention of donig anything anytime soon other than be her friend. I did want other peoples opinions based ont heir past experiences though since it has been getting closer to a point where she might actually say something and i would like to make a rash move or give her more than a "i will get back to you on that" lol

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: Safeway
I would do it. She is very, very attractive. If you are as good of a match as you think you are, it will work out just fine.

eh looks aren't being factored in any of this. I have been interested in many girls both very attractive and ones that many people would not find attractive or as attractive. Everyone has different tastes and often it takes only 1 feature that i like for me to be attracted physically. Personality matters a lot to me, i have stopped seeing girls who were very attractive but just didn't click with and got sh1t for it from friends lol. Her and i click very well and we def click, she was the first to say so and show interest which suprised me since i thought we were just friends and was in denial about her being interested like i normally am in fear of being wrong.

 

[maximus maximus]

I pity her husband.. from what you write
- he works 10+ hours a day
- comes back home and ooks and cleans the house

Man... just by looking at the pics, I would say "hit it", but thinking about her husband, I would say "dont do it... he really loves her."

I would hate to be in her husbands shoes right now man.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: maximus maximus
I pity her husband.. from what you write
- he works 10+ hours a day
- comes back home and ooks and cleans the house

Man... just by looking at the pics, I would say "hit it", but thinking about her husband, I would say "dont do it... he really loves her."

I would hate to be in her husbands shoes right now man.

yeah... i am not sure if he really loved her since i do not know hte guy, everyone use to say the opposite that he would just show her off like arm candy, not let her talk or be herself, was controlling etc but he is showing a very different side of him now that they are married. He is pretty much being the perfect husband, any time he is not at work he is spending time with her or doing something for the both of them. There is that saying though "too little too late" he treated her different for the first 5 years and is only now changing so maybe that is why she doens't care about the changes? or it wouldn't matter how he is she just doesn't see him liek that? There is a girl i have been in love with for 7 years, she is my best friend now! We tried dating 3 different times and it just never works we are perfect together but there is something that i lack that she is looking for in a SO and i have always treated her perfect everyone always asks why we aren't together but if there is something missing it will just never be. I am not tryign to make assumptions about their relationship just possible reasons why things are the way they are.

 

[maximus maximus]

Originally posted by: BillyBatson

Originally posted by: maximus maximus
I pity her husband.. from what you write
- he works 10+ hours a day
- comes back home and ooks and cleans the house

Man... just by looking at the pics, I would say "hit it", but thinking about her husband, I would say "dont do it... he really loves her."

I would hate to be in her husbands shoes right now man.

yeah... i am not sure if he really loved her since i do not know hte guy, everyone use to say the opposite that he would just show her off like arm candy, not let her talk or be herself, was controlling etc but he is showing a very different side of him now that they are married. He is pretty much being the perfect husband, any time he is not at work he is spending time with her or doing something for the both of them. There is that saying though "too little too late" he treated her different for the first 5 years and is only now changing so maybe that is why she doens't care about the changes? or it wouldn't matter how he is she just doesn't see him liek that? There is a girl i have been in love with for 7 years, she is my best friend now! We tried dating 3 different times and it just never works we are perfect together but there is something that i lack that she is looking for in a SO and i have always treated her perfect everyone always asks why we aren't together but if there is something missing it will just never be. I am not tryign to make assumptions about their relationship just possible reasons why things are the way they are.

hmm.. the best solution for ths problem is if she can get out of her current relationship.
That way you wont have to feel guilty about destroying someone's married life. I think you should tell her upfront about how you feel about her and what is stopping you from going ahead with a relationship with her.

Since you know her since a long time, I think you can go ahead and tell her that. I am sure she would not feel abd about it and this will make you feel a lot better too.

BTW, do you currently have a steady GF?

 

[dbk]

To me, it sounds like your mind's already made up and you're just looking for some petty acceptance from ATOT. I'm not gonna tell you that you shouldn't be a home wrecker and you shouldn't break up a family but who am I to judge you? I don't even know you.

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: BillyBatson

Originally posted by: LS20
jim and pam?

married = tampered. 3000000000 females in the world, why bother with one who's already taken, regardless of circumstances?

who is Jim and Pam?

i tried not to. She came back into my life and i honestly care for the girl. I have not tried anything at the moment i have just entertained the idea of it. Like it has been said here before, you can't help who you care for or love. It would def be another story if she was happy with who she was with or only saw me as a friend, it wouldn't be the first time someone i wanted or wnated to get to know wasn't interested in me big deal i would move on. But i really care and if we were together i could see it working out and from what she has told me, the way she is with me, and what our friends tell me, she is interested aswell. Circumstances aren't ideal for it though so nothing has happened and i have no intention of donig anything anytime soon other than be her friend. I did want other peoples opinions based ont heir past experiences though since it has been getting closer to a point where she might actually say something and i would like to make a rash move or give her more than a "i will get back to you on that" lol

Based on my past experience there are more things that can go wrong than can go right. As long as she's married you should strongly consider backing off and respecting her vows (even though she may not want you too).

If she's truly unhappy with her mate she should leave and divorce him. If you two are meant to be you will, but first things first.

Finally, know this to be the absolute truth, She's doing it to her husband, She'll do it to you too buddy.

Be her friend, but the innapropriate acts should stop.

 

[jman19]

These threads are all the same... the other guy/BF/husband is always not a good guy, not good for her, she doesn't love him, and the OP is a saint who can't find another girl.

 

[topslop1]

hit it.

 

[kmrivers]

Originally posted by: y2kc

Originally posted by: BillyBatson

Originally posted by: LS20
jim and pam?

married = tampered. 3000000000 females in the world, why bother with one who's already taken, regardless of circumstances?

who is Jim and Pam?

i tried not to. She came back into my life and i honestly care for the girl. I have not tried anything at the moment i have just entertained the idea of it. Like it has been said here before, you can't help who you care for or love. It would def be another story if she was happy with who she was with or only saw me as a friend, it wouldn't be the first time someone i wanted or wnated to get to know wasn't interested in me big deal i would move on. But i really care and if we were together i could see it working out and from what she has told me, the way she is with me, and what our friends tell me, she is interested aswell. Circumstances aren't ideal for it though so nothing has happened and i have no intention of donig anything anytime soon other than be her friend. I did want other peoples opinions based ont heir past experiences though since it has been getting closer to a point where she might actually say something and i would like to make a rash move or give her more than a "i will get back to you on that" lol

Based on my past experience there are more things that can go wrong than can go right. As long as she's married you should strongly consider backing off and respecting her vows (even though she may not want you too).

If she's truly unhappy with her mate she should leave and divorce him. If you two are meant to be you will, but first things first.

Finally, know this to be the absolute truth, She's doing it to her husband, She'll do it to you too buddy.

Be her friend, but the innapropriate acts should stop.

That is not an absolute truth.

1: She isn't doing anything. At this point she in merely spending time with him. Liking someone is not a crime.

2: The OP and anyone for that matter should have the ability to know whether someone would continue to do that (cheat, or whatever). If you can't see it, then you are blinded by your foolish feelings of how you "need" someone and thus are willing to accept anything to have that person or someone in general.

3: Just because she doesn't love her husband does not mean she won't love the OP and do the same thing to him. Also see number 2 again.

Whether or not cheating is acceptable is up to the OP and the woman. If they are ok with doing that, it is there decision. As I said before, if the OP really likes her then he should be willing to wait to see the ending of the marriage, as those things can go sour.