YAGT: I like a married woman. Anyone have experience with this?

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: cherrytwist
Yes
70 votes 28.46 (%)
They Left Their Other SO For Me
8 votes 9.76 (%)

Happily married for going on 5 years. The first 5 years were great too.

Each individual situation is different. Just follow your instincts.

wow. were there harsh times at the beginning? was it a hard transition for her at first?

 

[nospittingfan]

Question: Where the heck is everyone's conscience who thinks adultery/cheating is ok? Probably in their pants.

I don't personally have experience, but I have a friend who is in pretty much the same boat as you... It was his high school sweetheart, they had a horrible break up, then reconnected later after college, but by this time she was already married. They've been having an affair for at least a year now, long distance... Her husband has some kind of consultant/business job where he travels a lot. Must be a complete idiot or HAS to have some idea that something is going on that one weekend a month... We even joked that my friend tried to leave his razor behind to give a clue. Anyways, from his perspective, he tells me he's totally in love with her, and would marry her if she left her husband.

However, it's been over a year...and my friend is finally starting to get tired of it. He's realizing that she'll probably never leave her husband (he's a good man, similar to your gal's husband), and just wants some extra action on the side of their marriage because he's gone so often. However, my friend being a guy, he likes this too, but I think now it's getting old.

It's been said that couples who get together from affairs don't usually end up lasting anyway, usually because the excitement of it all is gone, and there's no substance in the relationship besides the physical aspect (not implying that you're only attracted to her for physical reasons).

So in my opinion:
1) The ends does NOT justify the means. I don't believe you can ever justify "cheating", even if you "love" someone. I think the word "love" itself is thrown around way too carelessly, and self-sacrificial, love is rare these days. I hope you could be a better man than the dogs who commented "hit it".

2) It's a bad idea to become an opposite gender's "Best friend" to someone who's married! In fact, I really dont think people of the opposite sex can be "best friends" unless they both end up liking each other or someone is homosexual. It's just asking for heartache and trouble.

3) People always want what they can't have. Like Dwayne Perkins once said, "You know what the problem with today's world is? All the men are chasing the same three women." So true, so true.

4) Girls are attention craving. Just because she calls you and texts you all the time and grabs coffee with you, doesn't necessarily mean that she likes you. She may just want attention and you're her emotional attachment - "the nice guy".

5) She might make a nice girlfriend, but not a good wife...as other people have posted, her husband's doing all the dirty work around the house, and she's this princess that's doing nothing. Maybe you're not looking for a long-term relationship, but if you are, this is something to think about.

Hope you make the right decision.

 

[chr6]

just say no to homewrecking

 

[BudAshes]

Everything is transitory, keep that in mind.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: nospittingfan
Question: Where the heck is everyone's conscience who thinks adultery/cheating is ok? Probably in their pants.

I don't personally have experience, but I have a friend who is in pretty much the same boat as you... It was his high school sweetheart, they had a horrible break up, then reconnected later after college, but by this time she was already married. They've been having an affair for at least a year now, long distance... Her husband has some kind of consultant/business job where he travels a lot. Must be a complete idiot or HAS to have some idea that something is going on that one weekend a month... We even joked that my friend tried to leave his razor behind to give a clue. Anyways, from his perspective, he tells me he's totally in love with her, and would marry her if she left her husband.

However, it's been over a year...and my friend is finally starting to get tired of it. He's realizing that she'll probably never leave her husband (he's a good man, similar to your gal's husband), and just wants some extra action on the side of their marriage because he's gone so often. However, my friend being a guy, he likes this too, but I think now it's getting old.

It's been said that couples who get together from affairs don't usually end up lasting anyway, usually because the excitement of it all is gone, and there's no substance in the relationship besides the physical aspect (not implying that you're only attracted to her for physical reasons).

So in my opinion:
1) The ends does NOT justify the means. I don't believe you can ever justify "cheating", even if you "love" someone. I think the word "love" itself is thrown around way too carelessly, and self-sacrificial, love is rare these days. I hope you could be a better man than the dogs who commented "hit it".

2) It's a bad idea to become an opposite gender's "Best friend" to someone who's married! In fact, I really dont think people of the opposite sex can be "best friends" unless they both end up liking each other or someone is homosexual. It's just asking for heartache and trouble.

3) People always want what they can't have. Like Dwayne Perkins once said, "You know what the problem with today's world is? All the men are chasing the same three women." So true, so true.

4) Girls are attention craving. Just because she calls you and texts you all the time and grabs coffee with you, doesn't necessarily mean that she likes you. She may just want attention and you're her emotional attachment - "the nice guy".

5) She might make a nice girlfriend, but not a good wife...as other people have posted, her husband's doing all the dirty work around the house, and she's this princess that's doing nothing. Maybe you're not looking for a long-term relationship, but if you are, this is something to think about.

Hope you make the right decision.

this isn't just about attraction no and there is actually no excitment about it. Before they were married and now that they are there has never been excitment or danger especially since nothing has ever happened. Even the times we have coffee it isn't like we are sneaking around, the starbucks is right around the corner from her house and we meet for coffee. When she calls it isn't from a phone booth at 3am it is from her cell while she is in her home. Other than the fact that i know she is married i really only see her as another girl. if she were to become single and date me there would be no loss of anything where it would get old.

1) i agree that cheating is bad on any level, there isno good excuse if you love someone more or whatever then you should leave the person you are with before doing naything with someone else. I never claimed i loved this girl as it takes more than a strong friendship and attraction to feel love. I think the possibility of it is there but i myself do not go throwing those words around.... i am not going to be a dog. i have been thinking about it for a while and i have had several really good responses here. i have decided that i will definitely NOT be physical with this girl as long as she is with her husband and it is all she wants. it will just serve to ruin out friendship, cause drama, put myself in danger of her husband coming after me lol, and most likely hurt myself in the end because i would have wanted more and settled for a lot less. i may regret it as i do think she is gorgeous and lord knows i am curious since we have spoken about it but that is a part of being an adult, making the right choice and not being a child who has to have everything. I may look back at it when i am 40 like ppl have said and wish i had but as long as i am happy with my like and have someone else i love i don't think i will ever feel that way

2) the friends with someone of the opposite gender is a complicated one and i think that's sad. i do however know it is possible but it is different from case to case. My best friend in the world who i love dearly is a girl however she is also my ex. We broke up 5.5 years ago and have had some VERY hard times since including a 1 year span where we were not on speaking terms. Also there has been 1 other short period of time where we did try and date and it didn't work and there was a 6 month span where we were physical with one another but just friends. She has now been dating a guy for 6 months and we are still close. It hasn't been easy especially with the both of us being jealous people but we are not jealous in an unhealthy way. I have other female friends that i care for and would never be physical with let alone date. I have also had female friends where it did not go well and one of us wanted more, or more happened and it ruined the friendship. So like i said it all depends.

3) again i don't want this girl because i can't have her or it is a challenge. i am sure i could have had her back in march when i stopped talking to her so that i wouldn't. there is no excitment of danger or attraction to a challenge. iif anythign i see it more as drama which is a turn off

4) oh i know this and i do know she loves attention but doesn't go out of her way to get it. i mentioend before in earlier posts that there are other guys out there after her before and after her marriage but she doesn't do the same with them. if she did or this was a habit for her or i was not the first i would definitely not read much into it but i know it is different with me. if you read earlier posts i mention how they broke up for 1 year and in that 1 year she only casually dated 1 guy who realllllly wanted to be with her but she stopped seeing him and 5 months later got back with her fiance. for whatever reason i am an exception?? which is weird for me since i do not always have much confidense when it comes to the ladies.

5) I am not sure what sort of wife she would make. i never said she didn't do ANYTHING around the house, she use to do all of it (she would be there all the time when not at home) and he was the one who would sit on his arse but now that they are married he goes out of his way to do things to try and make her happy. I know she has left work and rushed home to try and clean before her husband comes home only to get there anf find out he got home earlier than her just to clean for her and then went to bed. He will also tell her not to cook and ask what she wants and then makes it as if he is going out of her way to help her not do anythign as if it will make her happy. But also liek is aid she does liek attention and she is a girl who wouldn't want someone doing stuff for them so i dunno.

i didn't mean to make it sound like i am going against everything you said, i do agree with some of what you said, others i don't think it is as black and white. i really appreciate your input and i hope my responses cleared something up or at least added a lil more info.
I feel for your friend and i hope things work out to where he doesn't get hurt or regret any time or emotion he might have invested in his situation.

 

[ZeroEffect]

If you love her, tell her to leave the husband and the two of you can give it a try.

If not, move on... find a great girl with no husband. Relationships are hard enough
without all these complications. Good luck.

 

[Doctor Nyse]

I'm all about the search for 'true love', but, as others have said, homewrecking is not the way to go. If there really is something between you two that lies beyond a playful infatuation, then I'm sure her marriage will fizzle out and you two will be together soon enough. Either way.. good luck.

 

[animi12]

After looking at her pictures, I say you owe to yourself to tap that @$$.

That being said, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

Right way: Make sure she's interested in more than just a fling. When the circumstances are right, let her know you're into her and would like to have a relationship with her. If she responds in kind, let her know the only impediment to the relationship is her being married and that you have to stay platonic until she gets divorced or at least legally separated. If she balks, you need to walk.

Wrong way: Rush head first into a physical relationship. Try to convince her to get divorced while you're shagging her, thereby guaranteeing she will never get divorced. Her boyfriend will eventually find out about said physical relationship and will try to introduce his fist to your nose with extreme prejudice. Bonus points if you get her preggers during the fling.

In conclusion, the only way you can pull off a fling with a married women (or man) without getting caught is if it's a one night stand. Accordingly, you need to exercise control here if you think she's worth it in the long run. If the stigma of divorce is so great that she's willing to put up with a loveless marriage, she's not the girl for you.

Also, make sure you can convince her to get divorced before she pops out any babies. People are much more likely to get divorced if there are no kids in the picture. The idea of a "starter marriage" is a lot easier to stomach that a "broken family."

 

[IEC]

Originally posted by: kmrivers
If she is unhappy, which I would assume she is, tell her to end it. I personally wouldn't want a women who isn't strong enough to get herself out of a bad situation, but instead went behind my back and kept it a secret all the while coming home to me.

I would rather her come to me and say, "Look this isn't working and I think I have found someone else that would suit me better." That would still hurt of course, but she would have told me before she took action.

If she isn't willing to do that with him, do you really want her? Do you really want someome who isn't willing to take a stand for what they want? Sure she may want you and you may have her, but she will stil be married. Is that how you want it to be? I mean really?

If she isn't happy, tell her that before anything more happens she needs to make a decision about her husband. If she decides she can't leave him, then nothing should happen. If she does, let her go through with those proceedings before you start anything.

 

[bluestrobe]

Originally posted by: archcommus
Don't be a home wrecker, leave her the fvck alone.

True. If she is going to cheat on her husband she will cheat on the next man too (you). Cheating is usually a never ending cycle once it starts until something bad happens.

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: bluestrobe

Originally posted by: archcommus
Don't be a home wrecker, leave her the fvck alone.

True. If she is going to cheat on her husband she will cheat on the next man too (you). Cheating is usually a never ending cycle once it starts until something bad happens.

NO NO NO NO. all evidence points to the contrary. Certain people will cheat in certain situations, but once out of those situations they do not do the same. There has NEVER been a study done indicating that once someone cheats they will always cheat

 

[luckyinfil]

i'd hit it

 

[raildogg]

I don't have experience but I can say that try not to get involved in a situation involving a married person. It may seem like a good thing but I don't know. It is usually bad.

 

[SampSon]

Run with it.

 

[Buck Armstrong]

Originally posted by: Accipiter22

Originally posted by: bluestrobe

Originally posted by: archcommus
Don't be a home wrecker, leave her the fvck alone.

True. If she is going to cheat on her husband she will cheat on the next man too (you). Cheating is usually a never ending cycle once it starts until something bad happens.

NO NO NO NO. all evidence points to the contrary. Certain people will cheat in certain situations, but once out of those situations they do not do the same. There has NEVER been a study done indicating that once someone cheats they will always cheat

Sure there has, its called using your eyeballs. Most men and women I've ever met who fvcked around on their SOs also fvcked around on the next SO. Once you become the kind of person who talks yourself into believing that "what they don't know won't hurt them", you really can't be trusted in a serious relationship, at least until you are proven wrong by having it done to you.

Sure, people can grow up or otherwise change their behavior, and no-strings sex/dating/hanging out is one thing, but I wouldn't invest any emotion, hope, or dreams in a woman that I knew was a cheater, and I certainly wouldn't consider marrying and/or having kids with her. As a man, the deck is already unfairly stacked against me should it come to divorce, so why throw additional risk on top of that?!

 

[jakedeez]

The problem with relationship based on one member cheating on their current SO is that, aside from any moral or whatever issues, how can you ever trust the cheater?

 

[Trevelyan]

I will never understand how people can convince themselves that this is a good idea. But I suppose you can convince yourself of anything if you want it badly enough.

Welcome to the beginning of another one of life's regrets.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: Buck Armstrong

Originally posted by: Accipiter22

Originally posted by: bluestrobe

Originally posted by: archcommus
Don't be a home wrecker, leave her the fvck alone.

True. If she is going to cheat on her husband she will cheat on the next man too (you). Cheating is usually a never ending cycle once it starts until something bad happens.

NO NO NO NO. all evidence points to the contrary. Certain people will cheat in certain situations, but once out of those situations they do not do the same. There has NEVER been a study done indicating that once someone cheats they will always cheat

Sure there has, its called using your eyeballs. Most men and women I've ever met who fvcked around on their SOs also fvcked around on the next SO. Once you become the kind of person who talks yourself into believing that "what they don't know won't hurt them", you really can't be trusted in a serious relationship, at least until you are proven wrong by having it done to you.

Sure, people can grow up or otherwise change their behavior, and no-strings sex/dating/hanging out is one thing, but I wouldn't invest any emotion, hope, or dreams in a woman that I knew was a cheater, and I certainly wouldn't consider marrying and/or having kids with her. As a man, the deck is already unfairly stacked against me should it come to divorce, so why throw additional risk on top of that?!

i agree with Accipiter22, there is no indication that someone will keep cheating or not. I am a firm believer that once you do something just once no matter how good or bad it becomes easier the 2nd time around. However just because something becomes easier doesn't mean you will do it again. I know a girl who has cheated on every damn BF she has ever had! she just ended a 2 year relationship with a guy she not only never cheated on but never thought about it. It all depends on the person, their situation, and their reason to cheat in the first place. Someone who cheats may continue to do so the rest of their lives, never do it again, or do it again if they keep ending up in the same situation as the first time. No it isn't right to cheat and i look down on those who keep cheating because they could just as easily leave the person they are with and do it guilt free but everyone is different.

 

[NorthRiver]

Why are you posting this and not doing her??? She's hot, she hates her man, and she wants your d!ck! What's the problem???????

 

[alkemyst]

i dated a cop's wife in divorce, I was divorcing too. We worked together and came as a couple to the holiday party and there was a lot of good talk about it (we both knew a lot of the 200+ associates). We were already sexual prior to the party though, we kept it way down low. It was a good relationship, although each of us was looking for something more at the time. She and I both went on to serious relationships.

We both had different priorities in life. If we had the same ones I am sure we'd have kept it going.

 

[Ranger X]

Don't get involved until the coast is clear. If she's calling you at 3AM, sneaking out of the house for coffee, and getting angry at you because of other girls in your life, she most likely has a thing for you. However, the fact remains that she's still married to her husband. Until she gets a divorce, don't be a homewrecker -- like most have already said before me.

 

[Marinski]

Your 24? You look like your in your 30's.

 

[skywhr]

You should not do anything with someone who is married.

 

[alkemyst]

I think too many are projecting their own fears onto the situation. A single person is not the one doing any 'home-wrecking'. Any person in a marriage is free to do whatever they want.

If the other party cannot accept that then THEY need to move on. There is no right or wrong about it...it's just what and what not someone will accept.

If the other party is not ready to disclose what they are doing then that is dishonesty between their spouse and themselves, the single party has no claims or attachements to anyone in that relationship.

Also IMHO most of the times when someone ends up cheating it was from a total lack of attention to their needs and often was not decided upon lightly....this is often the wake up call the other person gets to be successful in their next relationship.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: miniMUNCH
Do not just hit and quit it... that would be just fvcking cruel, not to mention a Jerry Springer episode waiting to happen.

I know a few guys (I guess you could call them friends) that bed women regardless of their relational status... these guys leave a trail of ruined people and relationships behind them.

Don't be that guy.

IF you are sure you love her and want to live your life with her then tell her... if she feels the same, she needs to get a divorce. Then play ball...

Women are not always some delicate flower, many women today are happy if you just hit it and quit it.

I don't know many that are single and actively seeking a 'husband', most are playing the field. They claim they aren't messing around so much but after 3-4 dates today we all know they are past the peck on the cheek date.