YAGT... I need wisdom and advice

[BigToque]

I've been with my GF for over 2 years now and an couple of things have come up and I'd like you to give me your thoughts.

First, my GF went to India last July and before she went, I told her that I was interested in using her being away as an opportunity to be part of a student exchange program and taking a 6 month semester in Australia. It was promptly met with a "You'd better not go to Australia without me! I'll be really mad if you do because I've always wanted to go and I want to go with you."

Now it wasn't a serious statement, but I know she'd be unhappy/jealous if I went to a place like that without her. I wouldn't want to do something big like that without her anyway. I didn't go.

Now that she's done university, she's looking at specializing in marine biology. One of the places she's looking to go is possibly Australia. This makes me really mad because I gave up an opportunity to go because I could see that she didn't want me to experience it without her.

Anyway, what the whole situation is about is that she's likely going away to some coastal city far away for the next few years and I don't know how to deal with it. I love her to pieces and don't want to be with anyone else. I won't be ready to move anywhere for a long time and I hate the thought of seeing her once every few months, or if she goes to Australia not even once in the next 4 years! I don't think I could handle that.

She claims that our relationship is a huge priority in her life but that there are other priorities as well. Is it wrong for me to be upset that she is putting our relationship second to further her education? I don't want to hold her back, but I feel that if she really thought our relationship was so important that she wouldn't even consider going away to school in a place where I can't possibly go unless I dropped everything and started making minimum wage in a foreign country.

The second thing is about her wanting to take trips with her friends to places like Mexico and Las Vegas, etc. These are all things that we both want to do and these are "big trips" for us because we live way up north so we don't get many opportunities to make these kinds of trips.

I feel that we are at the stage in our relationship where I feel that we shouldn't be going on these kinds of trips without the other person. My attitude on this changed when my girlfriend told me why she didn't want me going to Australia. It's something special that one shouldn't be experiencing without the other.

We both have the same feelings on the subject but she thinks that the point one shouldn't go without the other is when we are married. I say that we are at the point now regardless of whether there is a piece of paper stating we are officially married or not.

Please give me your thoughts and feelings here. I'd like to hear what you think.

 

[TWills]

This reminds me of that movie with Nicholas Cage. The Family Man, or something.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: TWills
This reminds me of that movie with Nicholas Cage. The Family Man, or something.

What's her name was awesome in that....everyone i know fell in love with her

 

[sixone]

This is a test to see whether her priorities match yours. If they don't, the countdown is on for the breakup.

 

[Baked]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

Originally posted by: TWills
This reminds me of that movie with Nicholas Cage. The Family Man, or something.

What's her name was awesome in that....everyone i know fell in love with her

Téa Leoni was HAWT in that movie. I liked that movie too.

 

[JulesMaximus]

You're a fvcking pussy. You decided not to take the opportunity in Australia because she said "she wanted to experience it with you" and now you resent her for exploring a similar opportunity?

I think you should just keep sitting at home and waiting for all these experiences you are going to have together...:roll:

Seriously, make some decisions for yourself and go experience life. She's obviously not waiting for you to go off and live her life.

 

[hookinitup]

Originally posted by: Baked

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

Originally posted by: TWills
This reminds me of that movie with Nicholas Cage. The Family Man, or something.

What's her name was awesome in that....everyone i know fell in love with her

Téa Leoni was HAWT in that movie. I liked that movie too.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
QFT!!! she was hot in every movie she was in. in this one tho her bewbies seemed bigger than usual...as if she was a real mom.

 

[bootymac]

Meow

 

[myusername]

Okay, I'm not trying to sound like a dick (but I'm also not trying not to, either)

Your gf is absolutely right to pursue her education/dream. You were a tool for losing out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (exchange program) while she was away anyway. If you continue to let her shape your life like this, you will continue to be a big ball of misery and resentment.

we both have the same feelings on the subject but she thinks that the point one shouldn't go without the other is when we are married. I say that we are at the point now regardless of whether there is a piece of paper stating we are officially married or not.

She is either saying that she thinks you should be married, or that she is not interested in being married. Since at this point, she is discussing study in Australia without you, I think it is obvious what her priorities are.

It was a selfish and totally female thing to tell you not to go to australia without her. It would be selfish for you to do the same. The difference is that you were pussywhipped, and she is not.

 

[AreaCode707]

You shouldn't be comparing your "sacrifices" to hers. If you wanted to make that trip, you should have done it. It shouldn't have any bearing on her decision now. If you really want to go do this, why don't you go with her instead of moping and trying to hold her back? She was stupid to ask you to stay, so don't make it worse by also being stupid.

 

[KarenMarie]

she did not want you to go.
she wants to go without you.

nuff said.

 

[aidanjm]

seems like a bit of a double standard. she gets to go to India, etc. but you can't go to Australia

 

[tfinch2]

First she goes to India without you, now she's going to another place without you, but when you said you wanted to go to Austrailia she said no. She is a hypocrite and you are pussywhipped beyond belief.

 

[Baked]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
she did not want you to go.
she wants to go without you.

nuff said.

Listen to this woman, she's telling you what the other side's really thinking!

 

[Vinney]

1) About her going far away for marine biology: At some point in every potentially serious relationship, compromises have to be made if the relationship is going to last. If her marine biology program is only for a couple of years at most, I could see a relationship that might have you on opposite sides of the same country if you're both willing to travel often to see each other. Wanting to go to Australia for 4 years, however, I think is her telling you that she values that opportunity over being with you, because let's face it - that's not much of a relationship. If this is a relationship you want to last, you should express that to her but let her make her own decision about where to go. She's probably trying to weigh 2 things that are unfortunately mutually exclusive but that are both important to her and ultimately she'll have to pick which one matters to her most.
2) About taking big trips apart from you: I think in the ideal relationship, she shouldn't want to do that. If she is trying to justify being able to take these trips without you (presumably with just her friends?) and she is talking about going far away (for a long time) to finish her studies, it sounds to me like she's not at a place where she feels ready to be so settled down (committed to one person). How much have you talked about your future together, and marriage, etc.? If she's just finished college, you're both very young and a lot of people at that age aren't ready to settle down yet, they want to explore things they haven't had the chance to explore yet. It seems to me she'll have to make that decision between settling down with you or exploring/doing things she's wanted to do.

 

[xSkyDrAx]

Did you ever bring up that point about her not letting you go in any of this?

 

[Aenslead]

It is very usual for a male to be offered oportunities of growth, and somehow it is easier to achieve them than it is for females. When they get the chance, they basicly feel its the most important thing that they could do in their lives.

I suggest you realize that she will be going without you whether you like it or not. She has made up her mind and from what you've posted, her personal/professional growth is more important than being next to you whatever the reasons.

Should you love her that much, then accept a long distance relationship, because I doubt you're getting anything better.

 

[yllus]

I'm sure you're drag this relationship onwards until you're finally parted with it kicking and screaming, but for the record she's out becoming a person of the world and you don't fit into that worldview. You're the guy from her small town/hometown that she's getting very close to outgrowing.

 

[Doboji]

ride it out to it's fiery end. But for godsakes man... start figuring out what you want in your life. Beyond her. So that you can see if you two are truly meant for each other.

-Max

 

[QuitBanningMe]

its over...sorry

 

[cchen]

She has every right to pursue her studies, to go after her dreams. Be a man. Seriously. If thats what she wants, let her.

 

[The Stigenator]

im sorry stephan, yourrelationship has taken a downward turn and spiraling down.. unless both ppl are willing to work and there is no jealousy, insecurity and there is plenty of trust.. this will end soon.

 

[BigToque]

I'm talking with my GF again tonight so I'll see how things go...

 

[phisrow]

Maybe my perspective is somewhat warped, by having loved only as a student another as a student; but I'd be very, very nervous about trying to put anything in front of education. Your training in the academic discipline that you desire to follow is one of the most important, if not the most important, things that will ever happen to you. Hopefully, you'll manage to weather the period of seperation that her studies would entail, or find some way to ameliorate that seperation; but her not studying is no sort of solution. Even if she agreed to suspend them, you would both know, forever, that you were responsible(in no small part) for that suspention. The last thing you want is to be the agent of someone's broken dream.

 

[biostud]

I thought relationship was all about beeing there for the other part, not holding eachother back. If you live in different part of the world I can't see why one of you going to a better place can harm the other one. It's not like you can never go back to Australia later both if you would like to.