- Aug 8, 2005
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I guess in all honesty, I would prefer them not to talk to each other, but if they are going to - I at least want to be aware of it. I want her to be open/honest with me on EVERYTHING.
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Update: She just wants to drop the conversation obviously......I guess I feel like I'm being too nosy, too controlling - I mean the way I found out - was by snooping on her phone - I feel like a dolt. But.....this isn't the first time she has lied about this guy.......and I'm not going to lie either - when we first wen tout - I did the typical guy thing, and lied about things to impress her (which I came clean on) but I can honestly say, I have never cheated on her. Ever.
Originally posted by: spidey07
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
We don't know the ex's motivation for talking to her, and it is not prudent to speculate. If the OP has a strong relationship with her, then he should trust that nothing is going to happen. It takes two to cheat.
That's what you don't understand. She is already cheating. She's having an emotional affair. If she keeps this up the relationship is doomed.
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Another problem - this guy I dont think even knows we are in a relationship......
I feel like a twerp - I do everything for this girl...everything. I'm not a bad guy, but I can come off mean, when I'm... "scared" - I use to never have this problem with any other woman, ever. However I was engaged, and my ex fiancee did cheat on me (a drunken night, not an excuse) and I'm starting to think - maybe there is a common demoinator - why women are cheating in my relationships....and that common deominator is me... I must be doing something wrong. I know money isn't everything - but I have thrown tons of money on this girl (she doesn't have a lot, and...I'm a trust fund baby...sorry not trying to have an e-penis fight here, but the way I was raised is you take care of a woman, any way you can) and I do.
All in all, I really love the girl - maybe her communication with this ex is innocent, but I think he wants to be with her. Even though she says, he hates her now.....
I love this girl with all my heart - and would do anything for her. But I can't get hurt again.
So what do I do? I do not want to give an ultimatum.....I just want advice...
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
Originally posted by: BD2003
The question isnt whether or not shes allowed to...but why does she want to? Doesnt want to break his heart? She already did...thats a sham reason. And lying about it too. Doesnt sound right.
Sometimes break ups are amicable and the two remain friends. Lying about it could have been brought about by the OPs controlling nature and her desire not to escalate a benign situation into a maelstrom. I don't know the exact situation, but this is what I have gathered.
Originally posted by: multiband8303
All in all, I really love the girl - maybe her communication with this ex is innocent, but I think he wants to be with her. Even though she says, he hates her now.....
I love this girl with all my heart - and would do anything for her. But I can't get hurt again.
So what do I do? I do not want to give an ultimatum.....I just want advice...
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Another problem - this guy I dont think even knows we are in a relationship......
I feel like a twerp - I do everything for this girl...everything. I'm not a bad guy, but I can come off mean, when I'm... "scared" - I use to never have this problem with any other woman, ever. However I was engaged, and my ex fiancee did cheat on me (a drunken night, not an excuse) and I'm starting to think - maybe there is a common demoinator - why women are cheating in my relationships....and that common deominator is me... I must be doing something wrong. I know money isn't everything - but I have thrown tons of money on this girl (she doesn't have a lot, and...I'm a trust fund baby...sorry not trying to have an e-penis fight here, but the way I was raised is you take care of a woman, any way you can) and I do.
All in all, I really love the girl - maybe her communication with this ex is innocent, but I think he wants to be with her. Even though she says, he hates her now.....
I love this girl with all my heart - and would do anything for her. But I can't get hurt again.
So what do I do? I do not want to give an ultimatum.....I just want advice...
Originally posted by: Garet Jax
I would be more worried about her lying though. People generally don't lie unless they feel they need to hide something. In that case, they feel they have done something that shouldn't have been done or are embarrassed about. Either way is not a good sign.
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
Speculation. You do not know if she has romantic/passionate emotions for this other guy.
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Another problem - this guy I dont think even knows we are in a relationship......
I feel like a twerp - I do everything for this girl...everything. I'm not a bad guy, but I can come off mean, when I'm... "scared" - I use to never have this problem with any other woman, ever. However I was engaged, and my ex fiancee did cheat on me (a drunken night, not an excuse) and I'm starting to think - maybe there is a common demoinator - why women are cheating in my relationships....and that common deominator is me... I must be doing something wrong. I know money isn't everything - but I have thrown tons of money on this girl (she doesn't have a lot, and...I'm a trust fund baby...sorry not trying to have an e-penis fight here, but the way I was raised is you take care of a woman, any way you can) and I do.
All in all, I really love the girl - maybe her communication with this ex is innocent, but I think he wants to be with her. Even though she says, he hates her now.....
I love this girl with all my heart - and would do anything for her. But I can't get hurt again.
So what do I do? I do not want to give an ultimatum.....I just want advice...
Originally posted by: spidey07
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
Speculation. You do not know if she has romantic/passionate emotions for this other guy.
Go read up on emotional affair. There doesn't have to be any romantic or passionate stuff. It's the connection. What she is doing is the very definition of one.
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Obviously I am one of the 95%.... lol
Originally posted by: RaiderJ
Who she talks to is really none of your business.
However, if she's talking to an ex and lying about it, that should be a HUGE RED FLAG that someone isn't ready to move on.
The point of dating is to figure out if someone is worth spending more time with... not trying to mold someone into what you think they should be doing.
Maybe I'm just old and lazy?
Originally posted by: multiband8303
Another problem - this guy I dont think even knows we are in a relationship......
I feel like a twerp - I do everything for this girl...everything. I'm not a bad guy, but I can come off mean, when I'm... "scared" - I use to never have this problem with any other woman, ever. However I was engaged, and my ex fiancee did cheat on me (a drunken night, not an excuse) and I'm starting to think - maybe there is a common demoinator - why women are cheating in my relationships....and that common deominator is me... I must be doing something wrong. I know money isn't everything - but I have thrown tons of money on this girl (she doesn't have a lot, and...I'm a trust fund baby...sorry not trying to have an e-penis fight here, but the way I was raised is you take care of a woman, any way you can) and I do.
All in all, I really love the girl - maybe her communication with this ex is innocent, but I think he wants to be with her. Even though she says, he hates her now.....
I love this girl with all my heart - and would do anything for her. But I can't get hurt again.
So what do I do? I do not want to give an ultimatum.....I just want advice...
Originally posted by: Saulbadguy
To be honest, after reading your posts, you sound like a wuss. (That's putting it nicely).
Demand that she end conversation with the guy. If he calls again, demand to talk to him, and put him in his place.
Women don't like weak men. However, if she still has the desire to talk to this guy (which she obviously does), perhaps you two aren't right for each other.
Originally posted by: spidey07
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
Speculation. You do not know if she has romantic/passionate emotions for this other guy.
Go read up on emotional affair. There doesn't have to be any romantic or passionate stuff. It's the connection. What she is doing is the very definition of one.
Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
There is no evidence for such a claim. I know very well what an emotional affair is, and I don't know where you drew that conclusion from.
Edit: You are starting to sound quite misogynistic.
Originally posted by: Leros
Originally posted by: Aimster
hell no.
she has no right to be talking to him.
She has the right to talk to him, whether or not she should is up to the couple to decide. Now the fact that she lied about it is another issue.