YAGT: Is this controlling?

[multiband8303]

Want my girlfriend for quite some time here... to stop talking to her ex boyfriend. She has lied to me about her communicating with him, and she says nothing is up. I do believe they have not seen each other physically (as I am with her...alot) but she doesn't want to break the guys heart ( I guess his wife cheated on him, etc )

Do I sound controlling?

 

[Aimster]

hell no.

she has no right to be talking to him.

 

[sixone]

Nope. She destroyed your trust by lying about another guy. Kick her sorry ass to the curb.

 

[Leros]

Originally posted by: Aimster
hell no.

she has no right to be talking to him.

She has the right to talk to him, whether or not she should is up to the couple to decide. Now the fact that she lied about it is another issue.

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

Yes. You want to control her by disallowing communication (something that she wants to do). Ease up.

 

[multiband8303]

Update: she said she will no longer talk to him at all - however I wanted her to text him and say - do not talk with me anymore, she refused to do that - and she also said that she cant stop him from calling her - I said dont answer his calls, so he'll get the hint - and she said she would do that.

Is this acceptable?

 

[Kadarin]

How would she feel if you were talking to and possibly getting cozy with your ex g/f, and stating that you don't want to break your ex's heart?

 

[Encryptic]

No, you're good. Even if she's not doing anything, lying to you about her contact with this guy is a problem, and her "rationale" is questionable.

 

[Old Hippie]

She has lied to me about her communicating with him,

What's that tell'ya? :roll:

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

Originally posted by: multiband8303
Update: she said she will no longer talk to him at all - however I wanted her to text him and say - do not talk with me anymore, she refused to do that - and she also said that she cant stop him from calling her - I said dont answer his calls, so he'll get the hint - and she said she would do that.

Is this acceptable?

No. You need to ease up and trust that she won't do anything to hurt your relationship (e.g. cheating)

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: multiband8303
Update: she said she will no longer talk to him at all - however I wanted her to text him and say - do not talk with me anymore, she refused to do that - and she also said that she cant stop him from calling her - I said dont answer his calls, so he'll get the hint - and she said she would do that.

Is this acceptable?

So how is she going to let him know that she won't talk to him any more?

 

[Aimster]

she is not going to stop talking to him

I see a YAGT in the future with a face

 

[MisterJackson]

Like it or not telling a girl what to do, even if you're "in the right" will ALWAYS be viewed as controlling.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: multiband8303
Update: she said she will no longer talk to him at all - however I wanted her to text him and say - do not talk with me anymore, she refused to do that - and she also said that she cant stop him from calling her - I said dont answer his calls, so he'll get the hint - and she said she would do that.

Is this acceptable?

I suspect it's not sincere. Also, forcing her to text him and so forth is silly; either she will continue to talk to him or not, and nothing you force her to do will change that.

Is this acceptable? That's for you to decide. However, my belief is that if she has feelings for the guy still, you're screwed.

 

[Encryptic]

Originally posted by: multiband8303
Update: she said she will no longer talk to him at all - however I wanted her to text him and say - do not talk with me anymore, she refused to do that - and she also said that she cant stop him from calling her - I said dont answer his calls, so he'll get the hint - and she said she would do that.

Is this acceptable?

Yeah, I'd say that's pretty reasonable. She needs to let the guy deal with this stuff on his own and not put herself in a position that makes you feel uncomfortable. Although there's no guarantee she's even going to do this. However, pushing the issue WILL make you look controlling, despite the fact that she's already lied to you.

 

[yowolabi]

Ordinarily I'd say yes. She shouldn't have to end her previous relationships just because she met you... as long as they are only friendships.

However once she lied to you about him, all bets are off. Since she's given you a reason to distrust her with this guy, it's perfectly reasonable for you to say her still communicating with him makes you uncomfortable and make her choose between the two of you.

When you make a demand like that, you have to mean it though. I hope this really is a serious enough issue for you that you're willing to leave her if she makes the wrong choice.

Edit: Don't make her text him. Let her end it in her own way. If you can't trust her to do that after she said she would, then you need to just end it now.

 

[BD2003]

The question isnt whether or not shes allowed to...but why does she want to? Doesnt want to break his heart? She already did...thats a sham reason. And lying about it too. Doesnt sound right.

 

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: Aimster
hell no.

she has no right to be talking to him.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: multiband8303
Want my girlfriend for quite some time here... to stop talking to her ex boyfriend. She has lied to me about her communicating with him, and she says nothing is up. I do believe they have not seen each other physically (as I am with her...alot) but she doesn't want to break the guys heart ( I guess his wife cheated on him, etc )

Do I sound controlling?

You are trying to control her, but I am not sure that is bad in this circumstance. Unless they share something that can't be unshared (like a child or maybe a pet), she really should have very little reason to continue contact.

I would be more worried about her lying though. People generally don't lie unless they feel they need to hide something. In that case, they feel they have done something that shouldn't have been done or are embarrassed about. Either way is not a good sign.

 

[jmdeathsquad]

pics?

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious

No. You need to ease up and trust that she won't do anything to hurt your relationship (e.g. cheating)

The thing is she is already cheating. The worse kind of cheating.

No OP, you're not being controlling at all. Call the dude up and tell him it's over and to never contact her again. She's being completely and totally disrespectful to you. I'd presonally dump her over that level of disrespect.

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

Originally posted by: BD2003
The question isnt whether or not shes allowed to...but why does she want to? Doesnt want to break his heart? She already did...thats a sham reason. And lying about it too. Doesnt sound right.

Sometimes break ups are amicable and the two remain friends. Lying about it could have been brought about by the OPs controlling nature and her desire not to escalate a benign situation into a maelstrom. I don't know the exact situation, but this is what I have gathered.

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious

No. You need to ease up and trust that she won't do anything to hurt your relationship (e.g. cheating)

The thing is she is already cheating. The worse kind of cheating.

No OP, you're not being controlling at all. Call the dude up and tell him it's over and to never contact her again. She's being completely and totally disrespectful to you. I'd presonally dump her over that level of disrespect.

...someone has been burned fairly bad before. What's your rationale for your view?

 

[LanceM]

Ask her if she thinks that her ex still has feelings for her. Tell her that if he DOES have feelings for her, she's only stringing him along and making it worse for him.

It is VERY possible for her to be friends with an ex without the risk of it getting physical, but her ex doesn't seem in the right frame of mind for this.

 

[Chryso]

She is wrong for lying. You are wrong for telling her who she can talk to.