YAGT: Just found out she didn't cheat on me

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: eits
no, it's not just the lying... it's the fact that it wasn't you. it's the subconscious punch in the gut that says, "you're not good enough, so i got it from someone else".

That is the type of thinking you need to get away from. She might have cheated on a guy that is complete scum and has a 3 inch erection and chronic flatulence. Don't compare yourself to the "other guy". Sometimes people just aren't compatible, sometimes we go into a relationship and don't realize its not what we want until later. But both people need to be honest about it, and communicate.

There is nothing wrong with you.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: 50cent1228

Originally posted by: KoolDrew
:brokenheart:

And this whole time I thought she really loved me...

wow that sux...it should be the other way around...u got da shaft

It seems like she was the one who got the shaft

 

[KoolDrew]

i'm not excusing it... i'm just saying that it's dumb to pass judgment and say that they don't love their significant other just because of a mistake or bad choice they made and regret. it's not that black and white.

I see what you're saying, but she couldn't even admit that she made a mistake. Instead she lied about it and started bitching at me like I somehow was the one that ****** up. :roll:

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

Having sex with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is not a "mistake." Filling up with the wrong gas is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake. Locking yourself out of the house is a mistake.

Having sex with another person when you are in a relationship is a pre-meditated and calculated decision where a person weighs the prospect of satisfying their curiosity vs the likelyhood that they will be caught. The other person's feelings don't come into play in that equasion. And when you act against your SO without regard to their feelings then there is no love there. Guilt, maybe. But I'd say love is out the window.

nah, i disagree. you feel guilt because you still love the person...

the reason why you do it to begin with, most of the time. is because you get caught up in the moment of something different. when you're with your s.o. for so long, things become routine. people start flirting and thinking that it'll never go farther than that, but at one point it does and you let it keep going because it's different and nice... then, you get caught in the moment.

i'm not speaking from my own experience... i'm speaking from the experiences of many others.

 

[Cookie]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

Having sex with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is not a "mistake." Filling up with the wrong gas is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake. Locking yourself out of the house is a mistake.

Having sex with another person when you are in a relationship is a pre-meditated and calculated decision where a person weighs the prospect of satisfying their curiosity vs the likelyhood that they will be caught. The other person's feelings don't come into play in that equasion. And when you act against your SO without regard to their feelings then there is no love there. Guilt, maybe. But I'd say love is out the window.

Exactly. And anyone who says different has never truly been in love.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: eits
no, it's not just the lying... it's the fact that it wasn't you. it's the subconscious punch in the gut that says, "you're not good enough, so i got it from someone else".

That is the type of thinking you need to get away from. She might have cheated on a guy that is complete scum and has a 3 inch erection and chronic flatulence. Don't compare yourself to the "other guy". Sometimes people just aren't compatible, sometimes we go into a relationship and don't realize its not what we want until later. But both people need to be honest about it, and communicate.

There is nothing wrong with you.

oh, i know there's nothing wrong with me... i wasn't cheated on or anything. i'm just saying that that's the kind of feeling many people feel, deep down, whenever they get cheated on. it's the feeling of inadequacy and the validation from their significant other cheating on them.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: KoolDrew

i'm not excusing it... i'm just saying that it's dumb to pass judgment and say that they don't love their significant other just because of a mistake or bad choice they made and regret. it's not that black and white.

I see what you're saying, but she couldn't even admit that she made a mistake. Instead she lied about it and started bitching at me like I somehow was the one that ****** up. :roll:

maybe she was on the defensive because she felt like shyt about it and didn't want to feel worse... i know people like that.

either way, chalk this one up for experience and try moving on. your next relationship should be better

to get over it, just think to yourself about whether or not you want to waste MORE time and drama over her. she's obviously not worth it, so just tell yourself that it's not worth the drama, emotions, energy, and/or time... it really helps you move on.

hang out with friends. DON'T go trying to get over her with someone else... that'd only backfire, trust me.

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: Cookie

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

Having sex with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is not a "mistake." Filling up with the wrong gas is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake. Locking yourself out of the house is a mistake.

Having sex with another person when you are in a relationship is a pre-meditated and calculated decision where a person weighs the prospect of satisfying their curiosity vs the likelyhood that they will be caught. The other person's feelings don't come into play in that equasion. And when you act against your SO without regard to their feelings then there is no love there. Guilt, maybe. But I'd say love is out the window.

Exactly. And anyone who says different has never truly been in love.

i know i've truly been in love, but i also disagree.

to make an analogy, you're saying that all criminals are bad people. i'm saying it's possible for a criminal to be a good person. it's possible for someone who's killed someone who lives next door to you to be the friendliest guy on the block and help you rake your leaves and pick up your mail for you when you're away and give you tickets to sporting events or something, but that doesn't excuse them from the crime...

it's possible for someone to cheat on their significant other and still love them... not so much if they KEEP cheating on their significant other.

 

[giantpinkbunnyhead]

Ahh, I remember the last time my ex cheated on me... Came home at 3am, walked upstairs, and saw her sitting on some dudes lap, topless, with her boobs in his face. When it happens in your own house... you feel there is no more safe place to go.

Even after that, even after the counseling that followed (at her insistence even) she still ended up seeing another different guy behind my back and began to date him before ending it with me. So, in short... cheating is not a mistake, it indicates bigger underlying problems. And if it IS a mistake, it then indicates a serious flaw in one's intelligence or reason, in which case you can do better anyway. Either way... the magic trust has been compromised and she's already moved on.

Welcome to the club man!

 

[KoolDrew]

hang out with friends. DON'T go trying to get over her with someone else... that'd only backfire, trust me.

Thanks for the advice. Hopefully tomorrow I will be going out for the day to play paintball with a bunch of buddies. So that should help.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

it's not that black and white... the only thing that's black and white is what you do after you find out your significant other cheated on you: stay or leave. if you believe that she's extremely sorry and still loves you and you still love her, you try to work it out as best you can, if you can. if you don't believe she still loves you or if you don't love her anymore, you leave.

unless you're on the receiving end, cheating really isn't the most cut and dry thing, guys.

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Cookie

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

Having sex with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is not a "mistake." Filling up with the wrong gas is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake. Locking yourself out of the house is a mistake.

Having sex with another person when you are in a relationship is a pre-meditated and calculated decision where a person weighs the prospect of satisfying their curiosity vs the likelyhood that they will be caught. The other person's feelings don't come into play in that equasion. And when you act against your SO without regard to their feelings then there is no love there. Guilt, maybe. But I'd say love is out the window.

Exactly. And anyone who says different has never truly been in love.

i know i've truly been in love, but i also disagree.

to make an analogy, you're saying that all criminals are bad people. i'm saying it's possible for a criminal to be a good person. it's possible for someone who's killed someone who lives next door to you to be the friendliest guy on the block and help you rake your leaves and pick up your mail for you when you're away and give you tickets to sporting events or something, but that doesn't excuse them from the crime...

it's possible for someone to cheat on their significant other and still love them... not so much if they KEEP cheating on their significant other.

That kind of person is a psychopath.

And while I would never try to make such a comparison to someone who cheats on their SO, it is similar. Point is, if you truly love someone, not just like them a lot, you just don't do those things. You stop yourself before it gets that far. You don't allow yourself to be caught in situations like that.

 

[mrrman]

women...

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

it's not that black and white... the only thing that's black and white is what you do after you find out your significant other cheated on you: stay or leave. if you believe that she's extremely sorry and still loves you and you still love her, you try to work it out as best you can, if you can. if you don't believe she still loves you or if you don't love her anymore, you leave.

unless you're on the receiving end, cheating really isn't the most cut and dry thing, guys.

Well when someday you finally figure out what love really is, then you may understand. But it is that simple. If she was truly in love it never would have happened. She has probably also yet to find out what love really is.

 

[Rage187]

and now you know shes not the one.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Cookie

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

Having sex with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is not a "mistake." Filling up with the wrong gas is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake. Locking yourself out of the house is a mistake.

Having sex with another person when you are in a relationship is a pre-meditated and calculated decision where a person weighs the prospect of satisfying their curiosity vs the likelyhood that they will be caught. The other person's feelings don't come into play in that equasion. And when you act against your SO without regard to their feelings then there is no love there. Guilt, maybe. But I'd say love is out the window.

Exactly. And anyone who says different has never truly been in love.

i know i've truly been in love, but i also disagree.

to make an analogy, you're saying that all criminals are bad people. i'm saying it's possible for a criminal to be a good person. it's possible for someone who's killed someone who lives next door to you to be the friendliest guy on the block and help you rake your leaves and pick up your mail for you when you're away and give you tickets to sporting events or something, but that doesn't excuse them from the crime...

it's possible for someone to cheat on their significant other and still love them... not so much if they KEEP cheating on their significant other.

That kind of person is a psychopath.

And while I would never try to make such a comparison to someone who cheats on their SO, it is similar. Point is, if you truly love someone, not just like them a lot, you just don't do those things. You stop yourself before it gets that far. You don't allow yourself to be caught in situations like that.

i should have better explained the person... the neighbor killed a guy a long time ago and really regretted it and couldn't believe what he'd done... he was wrapped up in the moment and it happened. he didn't premeditate the crime or anything. does that make him a bad person? sure, it gives you second thoughts about living with a guy who you might think to be volatile, but that's about it.... the same goes with relationships after you found out she cheated on you. you wonder whether or not she's worth being with and wondering whether or not it can happen again, no matter whether she loves you or not.

that's why i'm saying it's not that black and white of a situation.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

it's not that black and white... the only thing that's black and white is what you do after you find out your significant other cheated on you: stay or leave. if you believe that she's extremely sorry and still loves you and you still love her, you try to work it out as best you can, if you can. if you don't believe she still loves you or if you don't love her anymore, you leave.

unless you're on the receiving end, cheating really isn't the most cut and dry thing, guys.

Well when someday you finally figure out what love really is, then you may understand. But it is that simple. If she was truly in love it never would have happened. She has probably also yet to find out what love really is.

i know what love is, you pretentious douche. just because i don't see eye to eye with you on this subject doesn't mean that i don't know what love is.

i'm not excusing cheating... i'm saying that just because someone cheated on you one time and regretted it doesn't mean that they didn't love you. quit being ignorant and looking at the world in monochrome... it's not that easy.

 

[Al Neri]

pics>?

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

it's not that black and white... the only thing that's black and white is what you do after you find out your significant other cheated on you: stay or leave. if you believe that she's extremely sorry and still loves you and you still love her, you try to work it out as best you can, if you can. if you don't believe she still loves you or if you don't love her anymore, you leave.

unless you're on the receiving end, cheating really isn't the most cut and dry thing, guys.

Well when someday you finally figure out what love really is, then you may understand. But it is that simple. If she was truly in love it never would have happened. She has probably also yet to find out what love really is.

i know what love is, you pretentious douche. just because i don't see eye to eye with you on this subject doesn't mean that i don't know what love is.

i'm not excusing cheating... i'm saying that just because someone cheated on you one time and regretted it doesn't mean that they didn't love you. quit being ignorant and looking at the world in monochrome... it's not that easy.

Thanks for calling me names. At least it shows what kind of person you are.

I never said you were excusing cheating, and I'm not looking at the world in monochrome. Most people these days just don't know what love really is. You're one of them. In time, you will come to understand - or at least I hope that you do.

How old are you anyway?

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: FilmCamera

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If she truly loved him, she never would have done that. Period.

it's not that black and white... the only thing that's black and white is what you do after you find out your significant other cheated on you: stay or leave. if you believe that she's extremely sorry and still loves you and you still love her, you try to work it out as best you can, if you can. if you don't believe she still loves you or if you don't love her anymore, you leave.

unless you're on the receiving end, cheating really isn't the most cut and dry thing, guys.

Well when someday you finally figure out what love really is, then you may understand. But it is that simple. If she was truly in love it never would have happened. She has probably also yet to find out what love really is.

i know what love is, you pretentious douche. just because i don't see eye to eye with you on this subject doesn't mean that i don't know what love is.

i'm not excusing cheating... i'm saying that just because someone cheated on you one time and regretted it doesn't mean that they didn't love you. quit being ignorant and looking at the world in monochrome... it's not that easy.

Thanks for calling me names. At least it shows what kind of person you are.

I never said you were excusing cheating, and I'm not looking at the world in monochrome. Most people these days just don't know what love really is. You're one of them. In time, you will come to understand - or at least I hope that you do.

How old are you anyway?

and i know what kind you are... pretentious as hell.

 

[Cookie]

Originally posted by: eits

i should have better explained the person... the neighbor killed a guy a long time ago and really regretted it and couldn't believe what he'd done... he was wrapped up in the moment and it happened. he didn't premeditate the crime or anything. does that make him a bad person? sure, it gives you second thoughts about living with a guy who you might think to be volatile, but that's about it.... the same goes with relationships after you found out she cheated on you. you wonder whether or not she's worth being with and wondering whether or not it can happen again, no matter whether she loves you or not.

that's why i'm saying it's not that black and white of a situation.

Your analogy only really works if a long time ago this neighbor killed someone you love and broke your trust. Do you still move past it and forgive him or her because it was a 'mistake', if his mistake hurt you personally?

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy

Originally posted by: eits
just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you... it just means that she made a dumb and regretful choice. if she KEPT cheating on you, that'd mean that she didn't really love you that much.

No actually... that's a pretty good signal that she doesn't love you. If she even cared about you a little bit she wouldn't have done that.

sometimes people make bad choices. you honestly think that if someone cheats on the other person and regrets it because it was a mistake and they love their significant other that they really don't?

If you love someone, you dont make choices like that.

Dropping a cup on the floor = accidental mistake.
Cheating = intentional act of selfishness.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: IMaN00BieGF
Geez, this must be break-up season.

Its amazing how many guys on this forum actually have small penis's and can't satisfy their woman

Fixed

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Cheating is not a mistake. It is a calculated decision. It's not like you forget that you are in a committed relationship for a bit while you're off having sex with someone else.

That movie The Last Boyscout had the perfect line: "Accident? So what... you tripped and fell and accidentally got your d*ck stuck in my wife?"

Cheating automatically implies a lack of respect to and committment for the other person. Those are two things that very important in a loving relationship. When they are not there, neither is love for that person.