YAGT: Moving in pains

[Metron]

Recognize that she's coming from a situation where she had to be much more frugal, but at the same time she needs to recognize that you're in a different income bracket. Patt has a very good suggestion above for dealing with the issue.

If she still wants to argue, be blunt. Explain to her that while you understand her concern, you're not willing to change such basic patterns of behavior. You need to tell her that if she wants to argue over soy milk, internet, and cable that she should re-consider her interest in a long term relationship with you.

 

[olds]

You are so fvcked and you don't even know it.

 

[Viper GTS]

On the Cox/HDTV issue are you SURE you can't just rent the HD box & get some basic HD? Of course they want you to buy full digital cable but you may get some with just a box rental. With Comcast I get most of the major networks + a few extras without paying anything extra for digital. Basic cable + $5.99 for the monthly box rental is all I pay.

In fact, IIRC cable networks are required by law to provide local HD unencrypted (anything that is broadcast OTA). You can likely get your basic networks in HD if your TV has a tuner that's compatible. You may not even need the settop box.

Viper GTS

 

[rh71]

Well this is exactly the reason for couples to live together before they sign their names on the marriage certificate. :thumbsup:

It's not even just a "man card" issue anymore. You guys gotta compromise - one person making the rules is not going to cut it. Put your foot down without acting like you're the only one making rules though. Otherwise, this relationship is headed for divorce court.

BTW, separate bank accounts + a joint account is definitely the way to go. What we do is we buy whatever we like (within reason) with our own money. Joint stuff is for utilities, groceries, and mortgage. Whenever you guys go out to eat, you'd be treating her with your money... so I don't see how this would be a bad deal.

 

[PingSpike]

Ok, I can see a few ways to go here.

Fighting fire with fire: What are her expenses? If she's giving you sh|t about drinking a glass of milk and "eating to much" there really is nothing of hers that you can't critise financially now! I mean the other stuff is annoying, but she nags you on food costs? Its on! She's opened the door to everything. Next time she makes a sandwich, give her sh|t that she used more than one slice of cold cuts on it. When she wants to eat out for dinner, tell her its a waste of money. Buy nothing but ramen noodles and apple juice when you go grocery shopping. Nag her about the clothes and shoes she buys, tell her she already has enough clothes and shoes. Allude to the fact that you think you should have gotten a cubic zirconia instead of a real diamond in her ring...it was a waste of money. Start talking about selling your funiture and using that perfectly good couch you saw lying next to the dumpster instead!

Show her the meaning of cheap.

Just do whatever you feel like anyway: Its a jerk move and will piss her off, but just go ahead and order the services anyway and pay for them out of your own bank account. Dirtboys advice applies here. I am what I am. Deal with it.

Suggest putting off the wedding until later. That outta put things in perspective.

Or you could always dump her. But I doubt you want to do that. Did you guys just move in together now? I take it you haven't lived with eachother before?

It sounds like she's really not compromising with you, which is really a bad omen.

 

[purbeast0]

hold on, so i'm confused ...

who paid for your cable tv and broadband and your soy milk BEFORE you moved in together with her? wasn't she aware of your habits before you moved in together? i don't live w/my GF yet but I plan to probably in a year or so, and she knows exactly how much I need my broadband (for internet and xbox live) as well as my HD service (she loves watching 24 in HD as well) and she knows what i already have to pay and what not.

i'm just confused as to why she's not letting you pay for that stuff when you are living together, but she didnt have a problem with it when you weren't living together.

 

[TheBlondOne]

I am frugal, my boyfriend is not. We've "practically" lived together for a year now (we share most expenses, including apartment, etc). Here is my take on it:

1. Digital Cable--would you be satisfied w/ a happy medium? My boyfriend wanted digital SOMETHING, so we got digital basic. I didn't want to pay for digital cable either. PLUS, IMHO cable is a waste of one's time.

2. Broadband Internet--I'd do it for my b.f. b/c he's obsessed w/ computers and far be it for me to deny him of that. Having said that, I expense it to my company so I don't give a sh*t.

3. Food in general--food is one thing I would never deny a guy. Now, if my b.f. wanted to eat $15 steaks every day, yes I'd have a problem. But food in general is something that guys love and unless you're seriously strapped for cash, should not be an issue. (Going out to eat all the time is MUCH more of an issue with me than cooking more expensive food oneself.)

Lastly, I wonder if she's been raised in a family where finances were always a concern. I was, and it made me as frugal as I am. When you're raised that everything is "too expensive," it makes you nervous as hell to spend money on anything.

Sarah

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
Allude to the fact that you think you should have gotten a cubic zirconia instead of a real diamond in her ring...it was a waste of money.

LMAO. Although, I don't recall Doboji posting here that she bitched about the cost of her engagement ring when he proposed not so long ago....:roll:

 

[Metron]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: PingSpike
Allude to the fact that you think you should have gotten a cubic zirconia instead of a real diamond in her ring...it was a waste of money.

LMAO. Although, I don't recall Doboji posting here that she bitched about the cost of her engagement ring when he proposed not so long ago....:roll:

Tell her you want to ring back to replace it with a cubic zirconia...

 

[DeadByDawn]

Is she Nordic?

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: TheBlondOne
Lastly, I wonder if she's been raised in a family where finances were always a concern. I was, and it made me as frugal as I am. When you're raised that everything is "too expensive," it makes you nervous as hell to spend money on anything.

Sarah

This is true, but only to a point. I am a free-spender when my parents weren't. I see it so much more now that I'm out of their house. Fact is that I'm making my own money and I can spend it on life's luxuries (so long as it's within my means). I really don't see any reason for working hard / making money if you can't even enjoy it (life, or the toys). Simple, but very true. Same reason why I can't understand frugal people... and what they're actually saving for... if they now have the money.

Like I say in all the "how to be a millionaire" threads... what good is money when you're 50 or 60 ? Ever notice how many Porsche drivers there are, with gray hair ? Your best years were when you were in your 20s & 30s... don't let it pass by. Who gives a s#!t about the old dude in the Porsche ?

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn
Is she Neurotic?

Fixed

 

[Metron]

Many women fail to see the "bigger picture" of maintaining the relationship, rather than worrying solely about money. If she's so fixated on that one issue, ultimately she will drive you away.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Metron
Many women fail to see the "bigger picture" of maintaining the relationship, rather than worrying solely about money. If she's so fixated on that one issue, ultimately she will drive you away.

QFT!

 

[Last Rezort]

Originally posted by: Mwilding
Take her to the mall this weekend. If she buys ANYTHING - dump her.

lol

 

[GasX]

Originally posted by: rh71

Like I say in all the "how to be a millionaire" threads... what good is money when you're 50 or 60 ? Ever notice how many Porsche drivers there are, with gray hair ? Your best years were when you were in your 20s & 30s... don't let it pass by. Who gives a s#!t about the old dude in the Porsche ?

How do you know? Are you 30 yet? 40 yet? 50 yet?

Your fundamental misunderstanding of what wealth is and what wealth means doesn't detract from its value to those that do.

 

[Pepsei]

I so want to be in your shoes, it's better than a woman that put you in the poor house.

HDTV? you don't need that crap with internet and games

Internet, you can't give that up, tap into next door's wireless if you have to.

Soy milk? hmmm, delicious, try to get a cheaper source, like china town for their jugs of soy milk.

 

[JasonSix78]

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn
Fix it now or don't get married.

That's my advice.

QFT.

A couple of my freinds have married women who are bossy and controlling.....I cringe when I think about being in that situation. How do guys put up with it? I don't. Relationships involve compromise on behalf of both the man and woman. My girlfriend respects me enough where she doesn't boss me around and treat me like I'm a 12 year old.

If you are a responsible, mature person then you should sit her down and explain to her that you love her but you can't be bossed around and you won't put up with it. If she has a problem with something tell her to come to you in a calm manner and have a normal discussion about it and you'll listen to what she has to say.

-Jason

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: bunker
Draw up a spreadsheet of income and expenses showing her how much you'll have left over after savings (meaning putting some away). If she still complains, time to find a new woman, your marriage will be a literal hell.

What he said ^

I said "no" to a girl who asked me to marry her 3 years ago (my old high school GF) because I thought she didn't understand the word "budget."

Your fiancee is deep in the other direction, So I imagine arguements willl ensue. Stop them now or you are doomed.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Mwilding

Originally posted by: rh71

Like I say in all the "how to be a millionaire" threads... what good is money when you're 50 or 60 ? Ever notice how many Porsche drivers there are, with gray hair ? Your best years were when you were in your 20s & 30s... don't let it pass by. Who gives a s#!t about the old dude in the Porsche ?

How do you know? Are you 30 yet? 40 yet? 50 yet?

Your fundamental misunderstanding of what wealth is and what wealth means doesn't detract from its value to those that do.

He has a bit of a point. While we save for our retirement, we also spend money on things we want (not necessarily need) and go where we want.
Our plan is to die broke, not leave a million bucks to the kids. We are enjoying our money now.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Mwilding

Originally posted by: rh71

Like I say in all the "how to be a millionaire" threads... what good is money when you're 50 or 60 ? Ever notice how many Porsche drivers there are, with gray hair ? Your best years were when you were in your 20s & 30s... don't let it pass by. Who gives a s#!t about the old dude in the Porsche ?

How do you know? Are you 30 yet? 40 yet? 50 yet?

Your fundamental misunderstanding of what wealth is and what wealth means doesn't detract from its value to those that do.

You're right, I'm not there. What about the frugal people who worked hard every day during their 20s and 30s to save money, allowing no free spending or time during those years ? I read the "Millionaire Next Door" book that so many people touted... these people are being frugal during their younger years - you can certainly call that wealth, but they are not enjoying what they can actually afford. What good is wealth then - 15-20 years is a lot of young spirit in years to pass by. If they want to slave away or live frugally for that long, then I do feel sorry for them in a sense.

I don't know how anyone can say 40s+ is better than 20s & 30s if they had the option to spend the same way. And for that reason, I'm not jealous of the guy who's 40+ and drives a Porsche. If he had it since he was 25, then the story would be different. They'd be living the good life in their prime.

 

[sonambulo]

doboji, how do the finances break down? is stuff paid 50/50 or are you bearing the lion's share?

 

[oogabooga]

Originally posted by: Doboji

I make double the salary she does... I feel like I oughta be able to say "ooga booga, me man, me make money, me drink soy milk". Argh... ATOT help me save my man card... this is getting ridiculous.

-Max

whoawhoawhoa! leave me outa this!

i dont think flexing the "i'm the breadmaker so go in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich" attitude is going to fix it. But definatley work this out (talk to her, explain how you feel) before you get married.

 

[FoBoT]

tell her where to go
or just do it your way and let her figure it out

you should have gone through all of this BEFORE she moved it, what were you thinking?

 

[Ladies Man]

You're screwed.... This relationship isn't going to work