YAGT: So my girlfriend went to chill with a guy friend...

[reverend boltron]

Originally posted by: pontifex

no, i originally asked why that guy got a vacation and the other idiots in this thread that said things 10x worse didn't get anything, but i rechecked and they did get banned also, so i edited it to say nm.

Word

 

[2deuce2]

Dude, if she was really cheating on you, she prolly wouldnt have called you in the first place to let you know what she was doing. This is clearly a test, dont let her f with your head. The best way around the male friend thing, is to have them know you. Go out of your way to meet these male friends for a number of reasons. You show that your an active presence, and put a face to the name. Mark your territory. You know where he lives and what he looks like if you find out somethings going on. Its better than screaming at your girlfriend for not spending that time with you.

 

[hysperion]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Why I am mad:
1. She does NOT understand why I was mad. I wasn't upset because I was jealous. I was upset cause I was so worried about her safety and well being.
2. She doesn't understand why I have no trust in her. It's not because of her "evil" intentions that I can't trust her, yet because of her lack of "common sense." (As you can see in another thread and many other examples I havent mentioned.)
3. She thinks her guy "friends" are her true friends. (uhhh... sure)
4. She thinks I'm such a horrible boyfriend for being upset and getting worked up like this.
5. She CANNOT admit or realize that it was her mistake.

I really wish I could be with my gf or even marry her in future. But, the part of her where she can't even see what she did wrong or admit her mistakes just pisses me off. This kind of problems will probably visit me again unless she's willing to open her mind and see her mistakes which probably wont happen. I dont know if I should break up with her or not as of now.

1) Shens! You're mad because you thought she was cheating on you- why lie to ATOT and yourself? Besides, who can blame you- I'd be damned if my girlfriend was out screwing around with another guy @ any time of the day unless the guy is family.

2) You don't trust her because she's a woman. Women cheat- as do men- and you don't want to be posting another YAGT next week about it......

3) That's what she tells you.

4) She already thought you were a horrible boyfriend or she wouldn't be out with other guys til midnight in the first place..

5) She'll admit to her friends that you were the mistake in a week or so.

Best advice I can give is to put your foot down and mean it- otherwise you just look like a b1tch. If you feel as strongly as you do then tell her that it won't happen again while you're dating her and mean it.....

 

[newParadigm]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Background: Girlfriend of 3 years of serious relationship went out with a guy friend and Im worried & upset.

She had ended her job interview at 4:20PM and called me saying, "I got done with my job interview and my friend xxxxx is gonna pick me up and hang out. My battery is really low and my phone's about to die. Bye." So, it's 11:31PM and it's been 7hours and 11minutes. Her phone is dead and she's not home yet. I have no way to contacting her since her cell is dead and I wonder what a girl and a guy could do for this long on a Tuesday. I'm worried and upset. I barely know this guy. Am i being unreasonable and should i act upset when who knows when she gets home? What should I do?!


Update #1
First, I'd like to say that she does not lie to me. Many of you would say that I'm a fool or blind, but I know it for a fact. She never lies to her parents or anybody, that's just how she is believe it or not. Second of all, she's a very rightous person where she's 100% convinced that she would not do wrong things and even if she did make a mistake since it was not her intention she thinks she's not at fault.

So, the story continues...

It seems she turned off her phone when it was on the verge of death cause she needed to use it in case she needed to call her family. She called me back on the way back but phone died right after. But, this is where I made the first mistake by saying, "WTF R U DOING?!" I could tell she was upset with what i said when she called me from home at 1:30AM. Then, we proceeded to have the "talk" for couple hours...

I don't think it's necessary to go into the details of the conversation but this is the general idea of what's wrong or not.

Why she is mad:
1. She thinks I'm mad because I was jealous that she went out with some guys late.
2. She thinks I have no trust in her.
3. She thinks I'm doing this because I like to be in the "control."
4. She thinks it was perfectly okay to not to call me, because coming home late isn't something that big of a deal since she's done it many times before with me and her friends.
5. She hates the fact that I swear or hang up the phone when Im too fraustrated or mad.
6. She thinks she's the perfect girlfriend and I dont appreciate that.


Why I am mad:
1. She does NOT understand why I was mad. I wasn't upset because I was jealous. I was upset cause I was so worried about her safety and well being.
2. She doesn't understand why I have no trust in her. It's not because of her "evil" intentions that I can't trust her, yet because of her lack of "common sense." (As you can see in another thread and many other examples I havent mentioned.)
3. She thinks her guy "friends" are her true friends. (uhhh... sure)
4. She thinks I'm such a horrible boyfriend for being upset and getting worked up like this.
5. She CANNOT admit or realize that it was her mistake.

I really wish I could be with my gf or even marry her in future. But, the part of her where she can't even see what she did wrong or admit her mistakes just pisses me off. This kind of problems will probably visit me again unless she's willing to open her mind and see her mistakes which probably wont happen. I dont know if I should break up with her or not as of now.

My best advice to get her to admit to her fault in the situation would be to appolagize for what she accuses you of, even if you believe you were at rights to do it at the time.

 

[Journer]

my g/f has no guy friends and i intend to keep it that way...i could care less if she goes out and hangs with her stupid friends all night...her friends are retarded and immature...

anywho...sucks for you...tell her she doesnt need guy friends...she wont understand and it will probably end up in a break up...but oh well..life moves on

 

[Iron Addict]

Originally posted by: hysperion

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Why I am mad:
1. She does NOT understand why I was mad. I wasn't upset because I was jealous. I was upset cause I was so worried about her safety and well being.
2. She doesn't understand why I have no trust in her. It's not because of her "evil" intentions that I can't trust her, yet because of her lack of "common sense." (As you can see in another thread and many other examples I havent mentioned.)
3. She thinks her guy "friends" are her true friends. (uhhh... sure)
4. She thinks I'm such a horrible boyfriend for being upset and getting worked up like this.
5. She CANNOT admit or realize that it was her mistake.

I really wish I could be with my gf or even marry her in future. But, the part of her where she can't even see what she did wrong or admit her mistakes just pisses me off. This kind of problems will probably visit me again unless she's willing to open her mind and see her mistakes which probably wont happen. I dont know if I should break up with her or not as of now.

1) Shens! You're mad because you thought she was cheating on you- why lie to ATOT and yourself? Besides, who can blame you- I'd be damned if my girlfriend was out screwing around with another guy @ any time of the day unless the guy is family.

2) You don't trust her because she's a woman. Women cheat- as do men- and you don't want to be posting another YAGT next week about it......

3) That's what she tells you.

4) She already thought you were a horrible boyfriend or she wouldn't be out with other guys til midnight in the first place..

5) She'll admit to her friends that you were the mistake in a week or so.

Best advice I can give is to put your foot down and mean it- otherwise you just look like a b1tch. If you feel as strongly as you do then tell her that it won't happen again while you're dating her and mean it.....

1) WRONG
2) WRONG
3) WRONG
4) TR... WRONG
5) WRONG

 

[Iron Addict]

oops

 

[Iron Addict]

Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

 

[Whisper]

In all honesty, and in my opinion, you seem a bit possessive.

Besides that, I'm one of the people who believes that it's quite possible to have friends of the opposite sex. I have more than a few myself, on whom I'd never imagine making a move, boyfriend or no. I've met up with many of them in 1-on-1 type settings (usually for something like lunch or coffee), and never had any problems. If their boyfriend would've been upset, then it didn't happen, but by and large there weren't any issues.

 

[OhioState]

man just buy her a car charger from wal-mart for 9.97

 

[Fox5]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict

Originally posted by: Mo0o
Do you have any particular reason to suspect she would be willing to cheat on you?

I'm 99.8% sure she's not cheating on me. She wouldn't, i kno her well. She will break up with me if she's got the urge to cheat.

Yeah, a girl's who's phone battery dies and then doesn't call you for 7 hours is really the direct type, I'm sure the first thing she'll do when she decides you're too controlling and there's a guy that she's "having a moment with is" to call you and say "Hey honey, I'm breaking up with you, bye."

When she finds what she wants the old suit goes in the trash.

QFT.

i just got a call from her... she heading home. Apparently, she went out with different group of people afterwards...

You know, I used excuses like that with my parents all the time back when I lived with them. They were never true. Ask her for a detailed recount of the night's events and watch her slip up, she may come out with a cohesive story in the end, but it won't be very good or told with confidence.

This guy and the guy with the GF who just started college and wants to drink and party should get together and write a tome on "How to be a modern, spineless, progressive doormat of man."

Whatever happened to that other guy?

I dunno, it's becoming more and more normal. I know plenty of other girls with BFs who don't know where that line is. They dont know because they ARE completely innocent. They don't truly understand the way guys are.

I've noticed the other way around, they've gotten really good at acting innocent when they're nothing but. Give them some credit for their intelligence, they'd recognize basic urges and attractions.

BTW, if she's started to cut back on time she's spending on you or withholding sex a little bit, then she's 100% cheating on you or about to break up wtih you anyway.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

hahahahahah damn.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

so next week we'll see another yagt from you telling us she did the opposite of what you agreed on....AGAIN...

man, you sure are whipped or something. she did the opposite of what you asked once (a few days after she agreed on it) and you trust her not to it again???????????????

you doing a 3 strikes and you're out type deal or what?

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

so next week we'll see another yagt from you telling us she did the opposite of what you agreed on....AGAIN...

man, you sure are whipped or something. she did the opposite of what you asked once (a few days after she agreed on it) and you trust her not to it again???????????????

yeah. this poor kid. its going to take walking inon her and this guy getting it on to get the message hah.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

so next week we'll see another yagt from you telling us she did the opposite of what you agreed on....AGAIN...

man, you sure are whipped or something. she did the opposite of what you asked once (a few days after she agreed on it) and you trust her not to it again???????????????

yeah. this poor kid. its going to take walking inon her and this guy getting it on to get the message hah.

I'm sure he'll overlook that when she tells him the other guy was just trying to give her a massage.

 

[Feldenak]

This girl must be a phenomenal lay for you to be this big a pushover. Listen, no piece of ass is worth this much hassle. You're not married or engaged, just hit it one last time and walk.

 

[NicePants42]

You actually wrote a list of things you don't want eachother to do? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You can't keep someone from dumping you and/or cheating by writing up contractual agreements. If you want to save the relationship, you be yourself, and let her be herself, and communicate in a civilized manner (i.e. try 'How'd it go?' rather than 'WTF R U doing?!')

You've said she'd never lie to you. You've said she's 'righteous' or whatever. If you can't deal with her social life, spare her the trouble of dealing with your dumb ass.

 

[EPCrew]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict

Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

1on1 isn't necessarily bad depending on circumstances. What if there was a third party that bailed at the last minute? Something to think about when these guys ask her to hang out... Did/would they also invite you to come along? If so, then it appears to be ok.

I had similar disagreements like this with my ex and I made it a point to know that I wasn't thrilled about the situation. After she kept insisting that this guy or that guy wasn't interested in her like that, I asked her "Did he ever invite me to join?" She had nothing to say to me after that. She knew that I was right.

 

[Alex]

well props for working this out but i dunno i'd at least want to meet this other dude and maybe have a chat with him 1 on 1 like dude don't ****** with me or something but not overly agressive just show him youre not a b!tch....

but anyway sorry but that's the beginning of the end... a written list of rules???? wtf rules are made to be broken dude... i'm not trying to be an asshole here but cmon i hope for your sake that this works out but in my experience when it gets to this point maybe you two just need some time apart to decide what you really want...

i mean the fact that she is doing all those things and doesn't think its a big deal to go out with the opposite sex and be secretive about it and not call etc... thats BS... sorry but it IS! i'm sure she wouldn't like it if YOU did that kinda stuff but she thinks its ok for her to do it???

honestly, i'll BET you that she knows she's wrong but she's just being stubborn and won't budge... thats the truth man...

now that you have the rules it might be a little late but i'd say you should have done the same thing... gone to hang out with a female friend and don't pick up the phone and just say you left it in the car or something... and you dont have any female friends she's be jealous of then go out with a buddy and lie about it! lol
not the most mature thing to do but sometimes ppl just need a taste of their own poison...

best of luck to ya dude! :beer:

 

[jman19]

Originally posted by: NicePants42
You actually wrote a list of things you don't want eachother to do? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You can't keep someone from dumping you and/or cheating by writing up contractual agreements. If you want to save the relationship, you be yourself, and let her be herself, and communicate in a civilized manner (i.e. try 'How'd it go?' rather than 'WTF R U doing?!')

You've said she'd never lie to you. You've said she's 'righteous' or whatever. If you can't deal with her social life, spare her the trouble of dealing with your dumb ass.

The problem here is that there is no trust, so regular "civilized" communication is going to fail also. The list won't work; no trust = relationship failing.

 

[lightpants]

Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Update #2
We decided that we need to compromise to stay in our relationship and we arranged an agreement list of things when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender.
We've listed few things like no "1on1" date like settings, no giving phone numbers, introducing them first and etc. I guess I can be pretty satisfied as long as she acts accordingly.
Anything you guys think I should add to the list?

Sorry bud...

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: jman19

Originally posted by: NicePants42
You actually wrote a list of things you don't want eachother to do? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You can't keep someone from dumping you and/or cheating by writing up contractual agreements. If you want to save the relationship, you be yourself, and let her be herself, and communicate in a civilized manner (i.e. try 'How'd it go?' rather than 'WTF R U doing?!')

You've said she'd never lie to you. You've said she's 'righteous' or whatever. If you can't deal with her social life, spare her the trouble of dealing with your dumb ass.

The problem here is that there is no trust, so regular "civilized" communication is going to fail also. The list won't work; no trust = relationship failing.

they already tried this before and it didn't work. its obvious that it won't work this time.
if anything, she'll follow the list for as month or so hoping he forgets about it and then she'll go out with a guy again.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

women like to have the next guy lined up before the leave the current guy. As soon as she finds him you two are done. i give you guys a month tops.

 

[jman19]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: jman19

Originally posted by: NicePants42
You actually wrote a list of things you don't want eachother to do? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You can't keep someone from dumping you and/or cheating by writing up contractual agreements. If you want to save the relationship, you be yourself, and let her be herself, and communicate in a civilized manner (i.e. try 'How'd it go?' rather than 'WTF R U doing?!')

You've said she'd never lie to you. You've said she's 'righteous' or whatever. If you can't deal with her social life, spare her the trouble of dealing with your dumb ass.

The problem here is that there is no trust, so regular "civilized" communication is going to fail also. The list won't work; no trust = relationship failing.

they already tried this before and it didn't work. its obvious that it won't work this time.
if anything, she'll follow the list for as month or so hoping he forgets about it and then she'll go out with a guy again.

Yea, my point is that this relationship is likely screwed, it can only work if there is trust, and that trust has been broken.

 

[jman19]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
women like to have the next guy lined up before the leave the current guy. As soon as she finds him you two are done. i give you guys a month tops.

Definitely true. I know this one girl who usually "test drives" a guy for about a month before leaving her current SO.