Originally posted by: werk
All I have to say is
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So you're telling me you have no faith...
Originally posted by: HotChic
Okay, advice from a Christian female here:
STOP PURSUING GIRLS! Seriously. Because you are so focused on "girls" as an objective, and not one girl because you're attracted to her, you're pretty much worthless as a bf. You seem like a loser because you don't have any other apparent object in life.
Get a life, some hobbies, some interests, some ministries, learn to HONESTLY focus on those things as your top priority, focus on God as your top priority, and you're going to be much more interesting to Christian girls. Make yourself somebody that people of all types like the hang out with and make friends with some females without wondering about dating them (I can tell that you're the type girls avoid because they know showing any friendship at all will lead to an uncomfortable period of you being interested in them regardless of their romantic interest level.)
Take a mental break from females, thinking about sex, thinking about relationships, and learn that there's a little more to life than that.
I never said you were worthless to a girl because you're looking for a girlfriend. However, because you're focused on girls in general rather than your attraction to a specific girl, a specific girl is less likely to be attracted to you. You see, girls like feeling like they're special, that there's something unique about them that draws a worthwhile guy. As long as you're spamming the female population, as it were, with your overall interest in female company and attention, the girls you're interested in just feel like they're one of many that would be "good enough." And trust me, they can tell.
Absolutely. But a girl isn't going to see YOU as dateable unless you have other interests in life. You want to get to know a girl to see if she's dateable - what do you look for? Is she fun, does she do cool things, does she have a sense of humor, share your religious views, is she smart, educated, take care of her body? A girl is going to be looking for those qualities in you too, and you're only going to have those qualities to offer if you spend some serious time developing them. As it is, all your attention seems to be going into... girls. That's not going to impress a date very much
think your desperation is showing here. You have this perception about what WILL happen, when in reality everything differs. You may need to date a lot, you may need to date once. What difference does it make? Just know what you're looking for in a mate
You've taken it a bit further than average, or even further than above average.
As for thinking less of a woman who thinks like you, don't think less but be wary. Any woman who thinks about men like you think about women is going to be a handful and VERY hard to keep a relationship with.
Sorry, all women are like that, except for chronic flirts. Girls don't like being in the uncomfortable position of having a guy like them when they don't like him back. It necessitates turning the guy down at some point, or being mean to him until he stops liking them (from a normal girl's point of view). A chronic flirt won't care.
You'll have trouble (are having trouble?) attracting a female without having more to offer and interest her than just "I want to get a relationship and get laid." Sorry.
*shrugs* Suit yourself, but most guys will probably tell you they didn't get their mates by looking for one
If I release the reigns of control in my life, and leave it up to fate to determine my destiny, I doubt I will find a woman. I am an introvert at heart. I also just dont think that I am a type of guy that girls are attracted to
Props to you, HC, for taking the time to try and explain it to Skywalker...patience is a virtue. I don't understand why he isn't heeding advice of females. This is his #1223355679211 post on how to get a girl and he still won't hear what we have to say...personally I don't think it has anything to do with religion or waiting for the tide to roll in (whatever), and lots of inexperienced people also giving their 0.02. I think you hit the nail on the head when you suggested he develop other parts of his life (or lack, thereof).
Originally posted by: BD2003
The only people that go out and get women like that are players, of which you are not.
When people talk about meeting a girl by accident, they arent talking about storybook we bumped into each other on the street and lived happily ever after. Its more like there was this cute girl in my class and we got to talking....or one of my friends introduced me to this girl and....etc etc
No one is telling you to just wait until a girl falls into your lap, because she's not going to. They are telling you to bide your time and wait for the proper opporunity to pursue.
I love the "I've received similar advice from a lot of Christian girls, and it seems like they are all brainwashed into giving me this message" part. Hmm, they couldn't possibly be saying it (nearly ALL of them, mind you) because they think it's true and it's what their experience tells them?
Originally posted by: skywalker66
I love the "I've received similar advice from a lot of Christian girls, and it seems like they are all brainwashed into giving me this message" part. Hmm, they couldn't possibly be saying it (nearly ALL of them, mind you) because they think it's true and it's what their experience tells them?
Christians arent supposed to 'worry' about their lifes needs, and 'silly' things like that. There's this propaganda going around that "God will find the one for you" and all that bullcrap going around. Don't act like that kind of message isnt going around, because it definately is. If you want to believe its true, then whatever I cant stop you, but just keep in mind that not every Christian 'common' view you hear is going to be true. (The Church can make mistakes too, and then people just pass that message on because they heard it from the Church or a trusted friend, and because it works for them.) Of course I could survive without a woman, I would just be quite unhappy. Maybe that would 'work' for me, but I want to try to do better than that, because I believe that I can.
you see, but at some point you eventually had to take initiative and ask her out, right? See, at what point is it considered okay to do that?Originally posted by: vshah
skywalker, seriously, listen to hotchic.
lemme tell you a little story about myself a year ago. i was 17, a virgin, had never had a girlfriend. i did have a strong, close group of buddies, but i think thats totally irrelevant.
i was pres. of a club in high school that fed homeless people in wash. DC over the weekend. through this, i met a female friend of a friend and started talking to her, purely as a friend. within a week of meeting her, i realized i had feelings greater than friendship for her, and from there, it basically took off. we're not dating anymore, the relationship lasted 3 months.
what i'm trying to say is that even if you don't actively try to find a girl, if you engross yourself in other things, it'll just make it that much easier to find someone you're compatible with. in my mind, compatibility and attraction are the two keys to a relationship.
i don't know how old you are, but you're in college, so know that you have a while to go, and you will by no means die a virgin.
anyway, that concludes my rambling....
-Vivan
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
Originally posted by: skywalker66
I love the "I've received similar advice from a lot of Christian girls, and it seems like they are all brainwashed into giving me this message" part. Hmm, they couldn't possibly be saying it (nearly ALL of them, mind you) because they think it's true and it's what their experience tells them?
Christians arent supposed to 'worry' about their lifes needs, and 'silly' things like that. There's this propaganda going around that "God will find the one for you" and all that bullcrap going around. Don't act like that kind of message isnt going around, because it definately is. If you want to believe its true, then whatever I cant stop you, but just keep in mind that not every Christian 'common' view you hear is going to be true. (The Church can make mistakes too, and then people just pass that message on because they heard it from the Church or a trusted friend, and because it works for them.) Of course I could survive without a woman, I would just be quite unhappy. Maybe that would 'work' for me, but I want to try to do better than that, because I believe that I can.
I give up on you. I hope your failures with women continue, and you'll be removed from the gene pool.
HotChic
Yep. Best way to meet girls you like is to do things you like, and run into girls who are there doing the same stuff you like doing!
Originally posted by: skywalker66
HotChic
Yep. Best way to meet girls you like is to do things you like, and run into girls who are there doing the same stuff you like doing!
Unfortunately I doubt I can find a girl who is into playing computer games. I know they exist but the ratio of them is far less than men, so getting a girl like that would be very hard to do.
I suppose I could always just change my hobbies, to ones that allow me to meet more people (girls in particular)
Originally posted by: her209
Girls are like money. You have to already have some in order to get more.
I'll decide what I want to be, thank you very much. And second off, you are wrong: for the guys that met their girlfriends not by accident, not all of them are players, and infact I can bet you that about at least half of them are not.
how are you supposed to know when the proper opportunity is to pursue? I could just be talking to some cute girl in my class, and you guys would probably be yelling at me saying that I'm desperate and trying too hard and obsessing about girls. How the hell do you draw a line?
You have to initiate at some point. At what point is initiating considered acceptable, and at what point is it considered desperate? Like name some social scenarios.
1 thing: Youth Groups
My girlfriend constantly meets guys there, and it kinda bugs me.
Originally posted by: skywalker66
1 thing: Youth Groups
My girlfriend constantly meets guys there, and it kinda bugs me.
1 thing: I'm 20 years old and out of highschool. There arent that many youth groups that have a place for fellers like me.
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Props to you, HC, for taking the time to try and explain it to Skywalker...patience is a virtue. I don't understand why he isn't heeding advice of females. This is his #1223355679211 post on how to get a girl and he still won't hear what we have to say...personally I don't think it has anything to do with religion or waiting for the tide to roll in (whatever), and lots of inexperienced people also giving their 0.02. I think you hit the nail on the head when you suggested he develop other parts of his life (or lack, thereof).
So maybe I do ask a lot of questions that are different every time, but lead to the same main question, "how can i get a girl?"
and you guys and girls have basically given one answer: "get a life instead"
and I refuse to accept that answer, because I see people around me who ALWAYS are dating somebody. people who just are blessed in the relationships realm, and enjoying a part of life that I'm not experiencing.
I guess what this comes down to is that I want a different answer. I want to be told how to become one of those people, instead of being told: 'leave it up to the hands of fate'