YAGT: Why are you with me?

[Atlantean]

So last night I was with the girl I have been seeing for the past month or so. We were sitting in the hot tub when she asked "why are you with me?" I was not really sure how to respond, so I said because I enjoy your company, and like being with you. Not really sure if thats the response she was looking for, and I wasn't really sure what to say to that question. Its only been a month and I suspect she was looking for a "Because I love you" or something like that which I don't want to say if I don't mean it. She said that it seems like all I want to do is just fool around when we are together and that I don't pay complete attention to her when she is trying to talk to me. Not really sure what I should say or do, any advice?

 

[nitsuj3580]

gotta love mind games.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Atlantean
So last night I was with the girl I have been seeing for the past month or so. We were sitting in the hot tub when she asked "why are you with me?" I was not really sure how to respond, so I said because I enjoy your company, and like being with you. Not really sure if thats the response she was looking for, and I wasn't really sure what to say to that question. Its only been a month and I suspect she was looking for a "Because I love you" or something like that which I don't want to say if I don't mean it. She said that it seems like all I want to do is just fool around when we are together and that I don't pay complete attention to her when she is trying to talk to me. Not really sure what I should say or do, any advice?

Honesty is the best policy

"Because you're here in this hot tub with me"

 

[hypn0tik]

"I will answer your question with a question of my own. Would you prefer if I wasn't with you?"

 

[Fraggable]

cuz ur hot

 

[j00fek]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome

Originally posted by: Atlantean
So last night I was with the girl I have been seeing for the past month or so. We were sitting in the hot tub when she asked "why are you with me?" I was not really sure how to respond, so I said because I enjoy your company, and like being with you. Not really sure if thats the response she was looking for, and I wasn't really sure what to say to that question. Its only been a month and I suspect she was looking for a "Because I love you" or something like that which I don't want to say if I don't mean it. She said that it seems like all I want to do is just fool around when we are together and that I don't pay complete attention to her when she is trying to talk to me. Not really sure what I should say or do, any advice?

Honesty is the best policy

"Because you're here in this hot tub with me"

:thumbsup:

 

[George P Burdell]

When in doubt...

 

[Hyperlite]

Originally posted by: j00fek

Originally posted by: krunchykrome

Originally posted by: Atlantean
So last night I was with the girl I have been seeing for the past month or so. We were sitting in the hot tub when she asked "why are you with me?" I was not really sure how to respond, so I said because I enjoy your company, and like being with you. Not really sure if thats the response she was looking for, and I wasn't really sure what to say to that question. Its only been a month and I suspect she was looking for a "Because I love you" or something like that which I don't want to say if I don't mean it. She said that it seems like all I want to do is just fool around when we are together and that I don't pay complete attention to her when she is trying to talk to me. Not really sure what I should say or do, any advice?

Honesty is the best policy

"Because you're here in this hot tub with me"

:thumbsup:

:beer:

 

[mrrman]

women....they are all the same...same game different women

 

[imported_Devine]

Some girls are crazy, they ask ?'s like this to where if you answer honestly they dont like the answer. I believe that they know what we would honestly say before they ask but yet they expect us to lie to make them happy. But how could one who knows the person lied be happy about it? Its like a 8th month preggo chick asking her man if she looks fat, well honey you got a 8ish lb bowling ball in your belly, what do you think? If you tell them that though, well .. .. . yeah .. ..

 

[Alienwho]

Always answer those questions with a question of your own. It's the only way.

 

[mikelish]

I think you answered well.

I'd imagine she feels you don't pay attention to her when she talks might be a hear say thing. Maybe make better eye contact. Recall stuff later that she talked about earlier. Surprise her.

 

[Atlantean]

Originally posted by: Alienwho
Always answer those questions with a question of your own. It's the only way.

I did, and all she said to my question is "You didn't answer my question" Seemed like she was mad at me after we got out of the hottub, and she didn't really want to fool around after. So should I just lie to her? Or make up something? I guess I will just have talk to her a bit and not fool around or sleep with her for a week or so... women drive me insane.

 

[z42]

Originally posted by: Alienwho
Always answer those questions with a question of your own. It's the only way.

:thumbsup:

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: Atlantean
So last night I was with the girl I have been seeing for the past month or so. We were sitting in the hot tub when she asked "why are you with me?" I was not really sure how to respond, so I said because I enjoy your company, and like being with you. Not really sure if thats the response she was looking for, and I wasn't really sure what to say to that question. Its only been a month and I suspect she was looking for a "Because I love you" or something like that which I don't want to say if I don't mean it. She said that it seems like all I want to do is just fool around when we are together and that I don't pay complete attention to her when she is trying to talk to me. Not really sure what I should say or do, any advice?

I highlighted the important part. Obviously she wants to know if you are just wanting to have sex with her or if there is more to your attraction than that. Her statement says that she thinks you don't care about her as a person, don't respect her, and blow off her ideas when you're together. She's not looking for "Because I love you".

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: mrrman
women....they are all the same...same game different women

Insecurity masks itself in guys too. Guys who are insecure tend to be more confrontational as well, but in a way that is more straightforward. Girls are more passive in the way they confront things.

It is a mind game for sure.

 

[Cookie]

Maybe you should confront her and ask her what it is she is playing at and what she means by all these questions. Perhaps she just wants to know 'Where is this relationship going?' If you stop fooling around with her, it MIGHT backfire and she might think you are losing interest. I'd bet she just wants to know what your intentions are.

 

[Arschloch]

Without knowing you or this girl, I'm going to go out on a limb and make a suggestion:

Maybe she's not playing mind games. Maybe you actually don't listen to her as well as she'd like you to.

If she's interested in having a more serious relationship, fooling around obviously isn't enough.

Of course, if you aren't interested in having a more serious relationship, then I don't blame you for not feeling like paying close attention is of paramount importance.

Just wanted to point out that not all women are playing "mind games" when they say something like that.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Just tell her you are with her for the same reason she is with you, then while she thinks about that, ask her if she would like something to drink.

 

[Cookie]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: mrrman
women....they are all the same...same game different women

Insecurity masks itself in guys too. Guys who are insecure tend to be more confrontational as well, but in a way that is more straightforward. Girls are more passive in the way they confront things.

It is a mind game for sure.

Do you mean insecure girls are more passive in the way they confront things? Or are you generalizing about all women?

I'd agree completely with the former.

 

[DVad3r]

All girls want to know if they are being used for sex. Sounds like your girl was just asking that. She want's to know if she can depend on you for the long term or will you be another bf in her life that goes away. Tell her the truth, unless you want pvssy.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Just tell her you are with her for the same reason she is with you, then while she thinks about that, ask her if she would like something to drink.

Depending on the girl that could backfire because a lot of the times that kind of question is a question they are asking themselves at that moment. The best bet is to just make the girl emotionally feel appreciated because that is usually why they ask that question.

In this guys situation, physical intimacy went to fast and now she is questioning if it is just a physical relationship (bad move OP).

My suggestion is to say the things you appreciate about her personality and mind (maybe something about yourself that you have learned through this relationship). If you can't think of anything, it may just be a physical relationship, which is bad in the long run, mmmkay.

Then if that was acceptable, plan something to wow her that isn't physical in nature. Something that will sweep her off her feet. Hope that helps.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Cookie

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: mrrman
women....they are all the same...same game different women

Insecurity masks itself in guys too. Guys who are insecure tend to be more confrontational as well, but in a way that is more straightforward. Girls are more passive in the way they confront things.

It is a mind game for sure.

Do you mean insecure girls are more passive in the way they confront things? Or are you generalizing about all women?

I'd agree completely with the former.

Yes, I am generalizing. Passive, because they rarely address the issue they are really thinking about, but address side issues, expecting you to knwo the real issue. Guys will outright say what they think usually and go from there. (It is a mind game, but it spurs from insecurity)

 

[Cerpin Taxt]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Just tell her you are with her for the same reason she is with you, then while she thinks about that, ask her if she would like something to drink.

Can I get you a Roofie Colada, perhaps?

 

[Cookie]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: Cookie

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: mrrman
women....they are all the same...same game different women

Insecurity masks itself in guys too. Guys who are insecure tend to be more confrontational as well, but in a way that is more straightforward. Girls are more passive in the way they confront things.

It is a mind game for sure.

Do you mean insecure girls are more passive in the way they confront things? Or are you generalizing about all women?

I'd agree completely with the former.

Yes, I am generalizing. Passive, because they rarely address the issue they are really thinking about, but address side issues, expecting you to knwo the real issue. Guys will outright say what they think usually and go from there. (It is a mind game, but it spurs from insecurity)

But if it spurs from insecurity isn't it safe to say that women who are not insecure would generally get to the point and not avoid the issues? Therefore it is safe to say that insecure women are more passive in the way they confront things, but not to generalize that all women are?

That said, I agree with you completely, regarding insecure women. Having been one through most, if not all of High School I'm sure I've asked those types of questions. But I am also sure that I am no longer insecure and no longer ask leading questions to avoid the issues. (I'll double check with my bf tonight though just to be sure).

Also, I've dated guys in the past who were obviously insecure and would ask similar questions which were obviously dancing around the issues. It is very annoying, but luckily for me, a lot less common in men.