Originally posted by: S Freud
So my GF and I of three years broke up about three months ago. She was my first everything There had been a lot of deception on her part and I think she has a lot of insecurities. It seems like she moves from one boyfriend to another. I was at college and she was a highschool senior, recently she moved to the same university close to where I live, we remained friends for the most part and recently started hanging out more. I started to think that I could be falling for her again, and thought that maybe I should tell her this. Then last night when I was over at her house she told me that she should probably start getting ready for her date. Worst part being that I knew the guy.
I don't know why its so hard to hear that, being that I am the one that wanted the breakup. I guess its for the better, I just need to move on. I don't know why I find myself wanting to get back with her after all of her lying and deception...even to this day she still does the same things but I hear about her moving on and it kills me. Mainly becuase I am going nowhere right now becuase of work and an overloaded school schedule.
I know the people of AT don't care, sometimes it just makes it easier to right it down.
Originally posted by: Babbles
However she is the only one like that, everybody else I have ever dated I have steered clear from.
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Babbles
However she is the only one like that, everybody else I have ever dated I have steered clear from.
This is very true. I would say 90% of my exes, there is no reason to speak to them. Some stupid fire broke out one night/day and they just went off the handle...end of relationship.
Others you learn that you have fun together, but just aren't going down the same path. Should be no hard feelings in this, but many make it to be a test to get even or make the other out to be a monster....the sane ones just admit it and move to dating non-seriously only or just being friends.
It's easier as an adult than in your teens or early 20's to remain friends. When you are younger, friends are easy to come by....as you get older your base to pull friends from shrinks...keeping the good ones is important. I know so many in their 30's and 40's that have no friends outside family and the few associates they work with, but never hang out with.
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Originally posted by: KingGheedora
Quit sulking. It's up to you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah it's a b!tch but everyone has been through it, and gets over it. Before you reach to complain to someone whether in person or online, ask yoursel what you can do about it. What can you do about this feeling, what can you do to prevent yourself from thinking it? The answer is to simply stop feeling. Once you understand this, you will be cold and dead inside, but it beats the pain doesn't it? Doesn't it.
Originally posted by: S Freud
I'm just feeling pretty depressed sitting here all day thinking about her going out with that other guy, usually I would be over at her house.
Originally posted by: S Freud
I'm just feeling pretty depressed sitting here all day thinking about her going out with that other guy, usually I would be over at her house.
Originally posted by: hellokeith
clean break is the hardest but the best way
Originally posted by: LongCoolMother
Originally posted by: S Freud
I'm just feeling pretty depressed sitting here all day thinking about her going out with that other guy, usually I would be over at her house.
believe me, millions of us knows how it feels. its really, really, really bad. it suffocates, and its terrible because its so hard to escape your own mind. the best you can do is to try to distract yourself with other activities/people. of course, no one is going to tell you that will take away the pain--it wont. but thats the truth of the matter; that only time will heal. do your best to keep your mind off of it, and understand that its natural to feel hurt (especially in your position). it will eventually get better- only over time.
Originally posted by: mattjbak
Just think of yourself as Jerry and her as Elaine
Originally posted by: Xstatic1
wow, it's kinda cool to read/hear a male's perspective in how you guys can still carry a torch for your exes. kinda going thru something right now with my ex-BF who i hadn't spoken with in like 4 months until recently. just reading these posts (most of 'em anyway) have made my day.
Originally posted by: Koing
Chin up OP, it sucks ass but you just have to go on.
Get back in to the gym and try to widen your circle of friends :thumbsup:
Koing
Originally posted by: Xstatic1
wow, it's kinda cool to read/hear a male's perspective in how you guys can still carry a torch for your exes. kinda going thru something right now with my ex-BF who i hadn't spoken with in like 4 months until recently. just reading these posts (most of 'em anyway) have made my day.
Originally posted by: S Freud
Originally posted by: Koing
Chin up OP, it sucks ass but you just have to go on.
Get back in to the gym and try to widen your circle of friends :thumbsup:
Koing
Best post yet, thanks man.
Originally posted by: Erssa
If you really love a person, you will continue to do so even when it's over. I broke up with my ex 3 years ago and I still miss her sometimes, even though the way our 5 year relationship ended was a mess. She ended up leaving me for my friend. Betrayed by two people at the same was something that I can pervertedly appreciate now, because I hit rock bottom and got through it without doing anything stupid, like starting to smoke again. Although the whole process fcked up my studies for that year, I stopped going to classes, and eventually it lead to me doing some soul searching and I quit my IT-studies. I wanted a fresh start and so I applied to a university in another city to study social economics and here I am now.
I went through the classic five steps of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And eventhough I got through the acceptance, I still got jealous for her dating other people (after my "friend" dumbed her). At some point I had a fck buddy thing going on with her and she even asked me back year and a half ago, but I told her it wouldn't work out. Couple of months later she started to date another friend of mine (shows a lack of imagination). And I haven't spoken to her or my "friend" for over a year now. Even though it had been 2 years and I had rejected her, it still felt really bad, especially because the guy used to be a really good friend of mine and I had just been spending time with him on his summer cottage drinking beer etc. and in the meantime he was dating her behind my back. When I found out and confronted him and asked, why he didn't tell me sooner, he told me that he wanted to first see, if it would work out between them, meaning that had it not worked out, he'd never told me. This is the reason I won't prolly ever forgive that backstabbing bastard. At least my other friend felt really bad for what he had done and had so big moral issues that it lead to him leaving my ex.
We used to be close even after we broke up, so severing our contact still eats me sometimes. Last time we spoke I said something nasty, I don't exactly remember what it was, because I was so angry then, but I think I threatened to sleep with her mother and/or sister so she'd know what I felt. Of course I would never do it, first because here mothers fugly and secondly because I won't lower myself to her level. I think I also told her not to call me ever again, because I felt that the only times she called me were when she needed something from me. I think you are also in the danger of getting exploited, she knows you still love her and takes advantage of it, and I'm not talking just money here.
Couple of weeks ago I wrote a letter to my ex, where I would have apologised for the things I said to her last time we spoke. I sent it to her email, but her email account had expired. I was kind of expecting it and I didn't mind it, because I also decided not to send it to her in snail mail. It's like you said, sometimes it just feels better to write things down. I have decided not to be the first one to break the silence. I know that deep inside she still cares for me, so in a way my silence is a punishment for stealing my friends. I blame the guys too, for thinking with their dicks. Their punishment has also been pretty bad, because they lost their face and in the eyes of my friends. They got "excommunicated" and are no longer in our little circle of trust.
It doens't really matter what you choose to do now, because at some point you will regret the decision anyway. But if I were you, I would do a clean break. Atm you are just hurting yourself when you hang on to her, and you can't move on. There will come a time when you wish you had done things differently, but eventually you will feel better, and I'm not going to lie to you, it could take some time, maybe even years, but eventually... It took me three years to become ready to date again. I shut myself, because I felt that I would have so serious trust issues, that I wouldn't just end up hurting that other person. And not to fool myself, I'm pretty confident, that my trust issues are probably going to ruin my next relationship. But I just have to live with it.
I'm happy for having gone through all of it. Had I not gone through it all, I would probably be an unhappy engineer and a dick. I am now much better person then I used to be. And although I lost my trust in people and some of my selfconfidence, I have found inner strength in knowing that there's nothing that could bring me down anymore. Nothing can throw me away from balance.
My best luck to you.