YAGT: Why EX's don't make good friend

[S Freud]

So my GF and I of three years broke up about three months ago. She was my first everything There had been a lot of deception on her part and I think she has a lot of insecurities. It seems like she moves from one boyfriend to another. I was at college and she was a highschool senior, recently she moved to the same university close to where I live, we remained friends for the most part and recently started hanging out more. I started to think that I could be falling for her again, and thought that maybe I should tell her this. Then last night when I was over at her house she told me that she should probably start getting ready for her date. Worst part being that I knew the guy.

I don't know why its so hard to hear that, being that I am the one that wanted the breakup. I guess its for the better, I just need to move on. I don't know why I find myself wanting to get back with her after all of her lying and deception...even to this day she still does the same things but I hear about her moving on and it kills me. Mainly becuase I am going nowhere right now becuase of work and an overloaded school schedule.

I know the people of AT don't care, sometimes it just makes it easier to right it down.

 

[TheoPetro]

you want to be back with the "old" her. The one you fell inlove with 3 years ago. She isnt that person anymore. My advice is to just make a clean break. Nothing will help like that will.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: TheoPetro
you want to be back with the "old" her. The one you fell inlove with 3 years ago. She isnt that person anymore. My advice is to just make a clean break. Nothing will help like that will.

Thats what people tell me, I went and got anything that I had at her apartment today. And told her I just thought things were better this way, it was hard to ignore the calls and messages from her. But its hard to watch her go out the door with another guy.

 

[erub]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So my GF and I of three years broke up about three months ago. She was my first everything There had been a lot of deception on her part and I think she has a lot of insecurities. It seems like she moves from one boyfriend to another. I was at college and she was a highschool senior, recently she moved to the same university close to where I live, we remained friends for the most part and recently started hanging out more. I started to think that I could be falling for her again, and thought that maybe I should tell her this. Then last night when I was over at her house she told me that she should probably start getting ready for her date. Worst part being that I knew the guy.

I don't know why its so hard to hear that, being that I am the one that wanted the breakup. I guess its for the better, I just need to move on. I don't know why I find myself wanting to get back with her after all of her lying and deception...even to this day she still does the same things but I hear about her moving on and it kills me. Mainly becuase I am going nowhere right now becuase of work and an overloaded school schedule.

I know the people of AT don't care, sometimes it just makes it easier to right it down.

Its tough man, I think that I am still in love with my ex, even though I also was the one who wanted the breakup because she moved 1000 miles away - the distance made the relationship no fun and a chore. Except for those last few months, with lots of fights on the phone and stuff, we had the perfect relationship..sometimes I think that I shoulda married her.

I even dated one girl for a few months in the interim (who, I think still likes me - even though i moved 1000 miles away from her, bah) but at least she knows that I won't do a LD relationship wtih her, because she didn't even compare to the other ex (still get friends with benefits when I'm in town though, which is nice)..but I think the ex that I still like has definitely moved on, and its tough to hear that. We barely talk anymore, maybe like once a month. I considered inviting ex #1 to come visit, but after toiling it over many times in my mind, something made me decide against it. Probably the fact that if I see her it will only be worse, and the fact that I know that when she finishes her current job she will put her career/own goals in front of me again (and how can I blame her, it would be stupid to not do so)?

 

[S Freud]

erub, I know exactly what you mean, I have tried to date and see other girls at parties but it doesn't seem to change my opinion of my ex, I think being around her has made it hard to move on. Maybe the clean break will help me see other girls and not compare them.

 

[hellokeith]

clean break is the hardest but the best way

 

[LongCoolMother]

its tough, man. i know. My gf and I are going through a similar rough patch and i dont know if it will work out. i know ill be heartbroken if we part ways, but right now, its me who is reconsidering the relationship. just hang in there as best you can and know that its for the best in the long run.

 

[S Freud]

its definantly rough, but its just the part of seeing/hearing about her with other guys. Maybe its the whole, "want what you can't have."

 

[mattjbak]

Just think of yourself as Jerry and her as Elaine

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: mattjbak
Just think of yourself as Jerry and her as Elaine

How does that help?

<----- not a big seinfeld watcher

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Hanging around is never good. Just distance yourself from her.

It always feels easier to fall in back in love with someone because you have already gone through the getting to know each other part. You know what to expect and you know what you like about it. Don't fall into a rut, just get out meet new girls and move on with your life.

 

[Mattd46612]

My ex of over 2.5 years did nothing but lie and cause trouble for me. The whole time i was with her I knew I should have gotten rid of her, but I didnt because for some crazy reason I loved her. I still do, and tried the whole friends thing but couldnt take goin to her apartment and seein pics of her with another guy and hearing about that crap. Now the bad part for me is.. I have a kid with her so I have to see her and deal with her. But believe me a clean break is the best way to do it. Now I only talk to her if it involves the kid and I wont set foot in her apartment. Women for some reason love torturing guys with stuff like this... She set you up like that on purpose. Save yourself the trouble ignore the calls, texts, ims. If it was really meant to be it will happen, but thats a ****** thing hanging out with you then saying I have to get ready for my date. Every time you have the urge to call her just think of how u felt that moment and that she coulda cared less for your feelings.

 

[S Freud]

matt, thats rough about the kid thing tying you to her for life. But I totally agree with you 100% about everytime I think about calling her, thinking back to that moment when she "casually" brought up that she had a date.

 

[Mucho]

Thats quite an analysis Herr Freud.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So my GF and I of three years broke up about three months ago. She was my first everything There had been a lot of deception on her part and I think she has a lot of insecurities. It seems like she moves from one boyfriend to another. I was at college and she was a highschool senior, recently she moved to the same university close to where I live, we remained friends for the most part and recently started hanging out more. I started to think that I could be falling for her again, and thought that maybe I should tell her this. Then last night when I was over at her house she told me that she should probably start getting ready for her date. Worst part being that I knew the guy.

I don't know why its so hard to hear that, being that I am the one that wanted the breakup. I guess its for the better, I just need to move on. I don't know why I find myself wanting to get back with her after all of her lying and deception...even to this day she still does the same things but I hear about her moving on and it kills me. Mainly becuase I am going nowhere right now becuase of work and an overloaded school schedule.

I know the people of AT don't care, sometimes it just makes it easier to right it down.

eh.. i dated a girl for a couple of years.. she cheated on me, stayed friends, and didnt bother me when she went out w/other guys.

then again, i didnt care about her (?)

 

[Triforceofcourage]

Going through a similar situation now also, I really felt the urge to call her today but this thread helped me not to. Thank you.

 

[Rumpltzer]

It's tough man, but you need to walk away and not look back.

Good luck.

 

[alkemyst]

I love my ex-wife still, but there is a reason she is an ex.

You tend to remember all the good times and with us there were alot. She was passionate and sexy, smart and amazingly beautiful.

However; she would just spend money without concern, take on debt, not show up for work or other responsibilities. Plus being so sheltered as a kid, wanted to go out and do the things she missed like party all night with drugs. I didn't mind the partying but when you have people just taking pills that have no idea what they are....it's not my kind of deal.

It's been 10 years+ now, but still I think about her time to time...mostly due to bill collectors still hunting her down. No one I know knows of where she is, even her old friends have called to see if I know how they can get in touch with her.

Å

 

[her209]

Friends with an ex is never a good thing. Inevitably, she will start sharing her sexual experiences with you; how guy x wants to do this and that to her in bed and she agreed to it only to find out that guy x was just using her for sex... and so on and so on.

 

[AudiPorsche]

Im going through the same situation. its soo hard not to phone or message her. I keep telling myself its gotta be a clean break. But its friggin hard as hell to stop communication with someone you loved for 3yrs

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So my GF and I of three years broke up about three months ago. She was my first everything

Has there yet been a second for you? If not, it will continue to be tough to get over this until you do move on.

There had been a lot of deception on her part and I think she has a lot of insecurities.

Yeah? How so?

 

[S Freud]

There has been a second, I haven't had a second girlfriend but there was one other girl that I met at a party. I thought thats what I wanted when I broke up with her, to date other girls and experience other things, I don't know now.


The deception was lying to me about her past, always accusing me of things and calling me a liar constantly. Even to this day she would still decieve me, telling me that she wants to be with the and only me, then she tells me she has a date that she has to get ready for. After all of this things though its still hard just to end communication with her.

 

[alkemyst]

It really depends if you are ok with them being just friends...more often than not this is just an excuse to still try to get them back in some way.

The same ex I mentioned above and I divorced and still were intimate at times. It wasn't rare to talk about new relationship while in bed. We were both ok with it, but it wasn't like we got graphic.

Things started changing more due to our partners than our own relationship and eventually my ex's current b/f thought he would escalate things and started threatening me and my family via series of stupid phone calls. I know his family was extremely wealthy, and those that knew him that I knew said he thought he could get away with anything because of his dad.

This happened in all of one day. He ended up calling a company I didn't work for for 2 years and got another person with my same name. I don't know exactly what he said, but the guy had SWAT and half the police force at the building to escort him out. A girl I had lived with for a while heard about it (she still worked there and also hated my ex, they were best friends at one time) and let one of the friends I was trying to part ways with know about it thinking I was in trouble.

The guy with about 5 big dudes went to my ex's b/f's business and dragged him out and took him for a literal ride. He wouldn't tell me any of the details, just said I don't have to worry about it and it was between him and the other guy now. I lived in suburbia...didn't really want this kind of thing.

When I got home I had about 3 messages threating me and my family, one from my ex g/f at the job telling me what happened and asking if I was ok and maybe I should go to the police, another from the friend that told me it's going to be taken care of, and then a last one from my ex wife's b/f giving me a 5 min apology.

After that was when no one saw my ex anymore, she wasn't hurt or anything; but we all think she moved away.

I think it's the new relationships you and your ex will end up having that destroy the friendships.

 

[Babbles]

I get along well-enough with the last girl I dated, which lasted somewhere around four years. I wouldn't say we are best friends, but we call each other on the phone occasionally to shoot the bull. I moved out of state and I think if I still lived in the same area we would probably hang out on occasion, which we did before I moved.

However she is the only one like that, everybody else I have ever dated I have steered clear from.

 

[ballmode]

Been there done that as the OP

it sucks and I don't want to be friends with the person, it just a gossip fest and wanting to be nosy.