You guys have been a great resource of diversified opinions the last week. Another situation. Friend getting married.

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: purepolly
'I agree completely. How can you expect to have a good relationship when she places demands on things as silly as a subscription to Playboy."

To you it might be a silly thing. To her it is not.

When I first met the ex, I would have agreed with you. I didn't care either way if he had porn. But in retrospect, his reaction to porn should have been a huge red flag for me. It was just one of many ways to get his fix.

What matters is in a relationship is compatibility. I think the girl is pretty cool because she is being upfront about what she needs and expects in the relationship. Whether or not you think it is silly is irrelevant.

How can they be compatible when she makes demands on a man who has had a subscription for that many years. It's obvious he enjoys the magazine. His reasons are his own. I think that she should respect the fact that he enjoys the magazine. As Amish said, marriage isn't about demands, it's about compromise and compatibility. She's heading for a collision even if he does agree to cancel the subscription.

 

[bleeb]

he shoudln't be needing those issues for a while...

 

[purepolly]

"That sucks but what are you going to do,treat every other dude you come across as if they were the jerk who hurt you?

The only one who gets hurt then is you..."



No, but I do have my eyes very wide open before I get into a relationship now.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: bleeb
he shoudln't be needing those issues for a while...

actually, the way that relationship is going, he better keep those issues

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: purepolly
"That sucks but what are you going to do,treat every other dude you come across as if they were the jerk who hurt you?

The only one who gets hurt then is you..."



No, but I do have my eyes very wide open before I get into a relationship now.

You shouldn't be judging relationships with your eyes. They can easily be deceived.

Judge with your heart, your stomach, or your head.

amish

 

[purepolly]

"You shouldn't be judging relationships with your eyes. They can easily be deceived.

Judge with your heart, your stomach, or your head."

So true!


Brutuskend - Sorry, I didn't mean to come down on you personally.

 

[Brutuskend]

Brutuskend - Sorry, I didn't mean to come down on you personally.

It's no big thing.

I've been put down by PROS! (my ex)

Sad though, after all this time I still love her. Though she's working on marriage #4. Worse part about it is that NOW I really don't care to be in a relationship. Oh well.


nuf said

 

[Spac3d]

I'd call off the wedding.

 

[AmerDoux]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: AmerDoux
"My friends have all told him that it's BS since Playboy is no big deal. It's not like barely legal or some other crapola.
He's going to cancel with sorrow heart.
I told him that's a battle he shouldn't lose, since he's probably going to have to cater to all her whims.
What do you think?"


She was asking her future husband to respect her. You boys turned this into a win or lose battle.

It's not a "win or lose" battle. There should be NO BATTLE when marriage is concerned. They obviously are mis-matched and shouldn't be wedded in the first place.

Nothing good can come of this.

amish

I agree with you that this should not be a win or lose battle. Agreed too that there should be no battle in marriage.
I am refering to the original post:
"I told him that's a battle he shouldn't lose, since he's probably going to have to cater to all her whims.
What do you think?"

While he (and his buddies) have no issue with Playboy magazine, she obviously does. Yes, there has to be concessions in marriage, but there are also other items where a wife may not be willing to concede. Apparently this magazine is offensive enough to her that she is asking him to give it up. Doesn't matter what your opinion, or my opinion, or his buddies opinions are to the content of the magazine. She has asked him to do something for her.

 

[purepolly]

I wasn't talking PORN, I was talking ANY movie with ANY sex or nudity.

"I have NO mag. collection.

I have NO porn videos.

I don't frequent strip clubs.

And she admitted that she KNEW I would never cheat on her.

She had poor self image and my looking at other women made it worse.

I understood that about her, though I don't know if SHE understood it about herself. I loved her anyway. We broke up and her judgment of ME effects me to this day. 11 years later. I have had no women friends since her because she damaged MY self image because of her low esteem. Funny how that works huh?"

Brutus - SNAP OUT OF IT. It had nothing to do with you. God her 4 marriages should make that pretty damn clear to you.
She made you feel like crap because she felt like crap.

 

[Brutuskend]

Like I don't know that?

It's just not worth it to me anymore.

At first I felt guilty looking at or talking to another woman (after we broke up) then I was out of practice. Then I got used to being by myself. Now I just don't miss it that much anymore.

Well there ARE some things I miss, but all in all it's almost worth it.

 

I can only speak for myself. I will not tolerate my spouse having collections of Playboy in our house. I could even excuse it if we weren't married, as he wouldn't be obligated. However, it won't happen once we are married. It doesn't mean I'll force him to stop. It just means that I won't marry that kind of guy unwilling to give it up. And I'm not sure I would stick with him if I made the mistake of marrying him without knowledge that he was hiding it.

It seems very much paradoxical to me. I mean, on the one hand someone is arguing that Playboy is a part of him so that it becomes insignificant. Yet if that is so, why is it a problem for him to give it up? I'm afraid it means it's an addiction.

At some point, it is no longer a question of the magazine itself and its nature. Rather, it becomes an issue of someone's addiction, willingness to compromise or sacrifice, or his honesty or lack thereof once he starts to conceal such things. On the other hand, it could say something about how controlling the other party is. She is likely a jealous or controlling person if she still marries him yet nags and doesn't leave him.

In this particular case, I'm inclined to believe that the lady has issues. It sounds like this is the guy's nature and she knows that already. It is likely that his calibre matches his choice of magazine in this case. If she doesn't like her man reading such magazine, then she should find someone more fitting rather than marry him whilst nagging or driving him to hide behind her back. (Pardon my mixed train of thought.)