You only get one shot at life...

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Special K

Originally posted by: rgwalt
I like my freedom, I like my free time. I like being able to do what I want, when I want without having to answer to anyone. I like not having to make excuses for not getting out of bed before noon on a Sunday, or spending $2500 on a new TV. I get a lot of gratification out of my freedom. However, I go to bed alone, and I realize there is a trade-off.

Perhaps the married AT'ers could comment on this, but as a single guy I would suspect that going from married to married + kids places much larger restrictions on your time and money than going from single to married does. If you're married without kids, you are likely both working and have 2 incomes to spend as you please. Obviously there is the whole issue of financial responsibility and living within your means, but beyond that it seems that married couples who each have their own separate careers still have a good deal of the financial freedom they had as singles. As far as time goes, are the committments on time to a married couple without children really that much more difficult than a single person?

I can see why going from married to married + children would have a huge impact on time and money, however. If one parent quits working to take care of the children, the family's income could take a significant hit. Combine this with the fact that children are expensive, and it's easy to see how they can severly restrict a family financially. Children also require a great deal of time to raise.

My main point is that while the author seems to associate married life and children with a huge restriction of free time and money, it seems to me that going from single to married has much less of an impact on free time and money than going from married to married + kids does.

Any married AT'ers care to comment?

I went from single in 2007 to married with child and another one coming today. I can say that the joy of watching your child take his first steps and the joy of your child running to you to hug you are priceless. I would trade all the treasure in the world for that.

And speaking of treasure, I would say I am even or saving money since being single. However, I was spending $1000-1500 on bars/restaurants a month back in my heyday. Plus my income is up 50% since then and my wife makes good money too...I guess I'm a bad example for that. It all depends on your lifestyle before and after. But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

 

[darkxshade]

Look

If you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted... one moment

Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

 

[JS80]

Pretty pathetic this guy. The only regret he's going to have is in his deathbed at 85 with no one there to share memories with.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: Special K

Originally posted by: rgwalt
I like my freedom, I like my free time. I like being able to do what I want, when I want without having to answer to anyone. I like not having to make excuses for not getting out of bed before noon on a Sunday, or spending $2500 on a new TV. I get a lot of gratification out of my freedom. However, I go to bed alone, and I realize there is a trade-off.

Perhaps the married AT'ers could comment on this, but as a single guy I would suspect that going from married to married + kids places much larger restrictions on your time and money than going from single to married does. If you're married without kids, you are likely both working and have 2 incomes to spend as you please. Obviously there is the whole issue of financial responsibility and living within your means, but beyond that it seems that married couples who each have their own separate careers still have a good deal of the financial freedom they had as singles. As far as time goes, are the committments on time to a married couple without children really that much more difficult than a single person?

I can see why going from married to married + children would have a huge impact on time and money, however. If one parent quits working to take care of the children, the family's income could take a significant hit. Combine this with the fact that children are expensive, and it's easy to see how they can severly restrict a family financially. Children also require a great deal of time to raise.

My main point is that while the author seems to associate married life and children with a huge restriction of free time and money, it seems to me that going from single to married has much less of an impact on free time and money than going from married to married + kids does.

Any married AT'ers care to comment?

I went from single in 2007 to married with child and another one coming today. I can say that the joy of watching your child take his first steps and the joy of your child running to you to hug you are priceless. I would trade all the treasure in the world for that.

And speaking of treasure, I would say I am even or saving money since being single. However, I was spending $1000-1500 on bars/restaurants a month back in my heyday. Plus my income is up 50% since then and my wife makes good money too...I guess I'm a bad example for that. It all depends on your lifestyle before and after. But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

I'll second everything he said with the exception of I have 1 kid who's 3 months old right now.

Since I've been married I have a lot more extra money actually even though I now have a house, a kid a new car, etc..

Combined incomes, no wasteful spending, higher paying jobs, etc.. all helped make this happen.

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: JS80
But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

After the age of three or so I would agree. But prior to that, the daycare costs are more than many people's mortgages if you go to a decent one.

 

[Juddog]

I am at a similar point in my life to the author. I am married but my wife and I haven't decided to have kids, and may just never have kids at all.

My friends all have kids, and all constantly tell me how great they are, yet are always tied down because of the children from doing many of the things I can do with my free time. My one friend with 4 kids (and a 5th on the way) has sat there for hours trying to explain to me the joy of children but it's like the article says; the rewards are intangible to someone without children. In ways it does remind me of people that go to church trying to convince me to convert to one religion or another. They say there are all of these benefits but as an outsider I just don't see the benefits. There are already so many people in this world that I have a hard time giving myself a reason to have children, and with the population blooming there are rough times ahead when the resources start drying up.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80
But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

After the age of three or so I would agree. But prior to that, the daycare costs are more than many people's mortgages if you go to a decent one.

I guess I got lucky I'm only paying $600/mo for daycare (in Los Angeles). Tax adjusted (for dependent care tax deduction) it's about $450/mo.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Juddog
I am at a similar point in my life to the author. I am married but my wife and I haven't decided to have kids, and may just never have kids at all.

My friends all have kids, and all constantly tell me how great they are, yet are always tied down because of the children from doing many of the things I can do with my free time. My one friend with 4 kids (and a 5th on the way) has sat there for hours trying to explain to me the joy of children but it's like the article says; the rewards are intangible to someone without children. In ways it does remind me of people that go to church trying to convince me to convert to one religion or another. They say there are all of these benefits but as an outsider I just don't see the benefits. There are already so many people in this world that I have a hard time giving myself a reason to have children, and with the population blooming there are rough times ahead when the resources start drying up.

Do you have a dog?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
ROTFLOL over the " small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life"

I'm a parent but that cracked me up

That was my favorite line as well. I emailed it to my wife and told her to use that quote the next time her mom bugs us about having kids.

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80
But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

After the age of three or so I would agree. But prior to that, the daycare costs are more than many people's mortgages if you go to a decent one.

I guess I got lucky I'm only paying $600/mo for daycare (in Los Angeles). Tax adjusted (for dependent care tax deduction) it's about $450/mo.

You'd *think* being the midwest would be a benefit in this regard, but it's really not. To get into a a decent daycare with a newborn you are looking at a 7 month waiting list where I am. You seriously have to put a deposit down almost immediately when you know you are pregnant and need daycare.

I was paying almost $1200 a month for a single newborn. We eventually switched to a different one that wasn't as nice, but had a nice subsidy from my employer for about $850 a month. For me to get into a $600 a month infant room, I'd be putting my child into a place that I'm not really comfortable with. For a lack of better analogy....Yuppie'ville Target vs. inner city Walmart.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80
But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

After the age of three or so I would agree. But prior to that, the daycare costs are more than many people's mortgages if you go to a decent one.

I guess I got lucky I'm only paying $600/mo for daycare (in Los Angeles). Tax adjusted (for dependent care tax deduction) it's about $450/mo.

You'd *think* being the midwest would be a benefit in this regard, but it's really not. To get into a a decent daycare with a newborn you are looking at a 7 month waiting list where I am. You seriously have to put a deposit down almost immediately when you know you are pregnant and need daycare.

I was paying almost $1200 a month for a single newborn. We eventually switched to a different one that wasn't as nice, but had a nice subsidy from my employer for about $850 a month. For me to get into a $600 a month infant room, I'd be putting my child into a place that I'm not really comfortable with. For a lack of better analogy....Yuppie'ville Target vs. inner city Walmart.

damn. Koreatown ftw.

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: JS80
But kids do not have to cost that much money if you are frugal.

After the age of three or so I would agree. But prior to that, the daycare costs are more than many people's mortgages if you go to a decent one.

I guess I got lucky I'm only paying $600/mo for daycare (in Los Angeles). Tax adjusted (for dependent care tax deduction) it's about $450/mo.

You'd *think* being the midwest would be a benefit in this regard, but it's really not. To get into a a decent daycare with a newborn you are looking at a 7 month waiting list where I am. You seriously have to put a deposit down almost immediately when you know you are pregnant and need daycare.

I was paying almost $1200 a month for a single newborn. We eventually switched to a different one that wasn't as nice, but had a nice subsidy from my employer for about $850 a month. For me to get into a $600 a month infant room, I'd be putting my child into a place that I'm not really comfortable with. For a lack of better analogy....Yuppie'ville Target vs. inner city Walmart.

damn. Koreatown ftw.

being korean and living around koreatowns has a lot of benefits. I get discounts and hookups all the time

 

[oiprocs]

Originally posted by: Razgriz
tl;dr

Originally posted by: WA261
tldr

Originally posted by: AstroManLuca
tl;dr

Originally posted by: xSauronx

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
It's long but it's worth the read. :wine:

if it was this long i would have read it

tl;dr

Originally posted by: Krazy4Real

Originally posted by: Razgriz
tl;dr

Originally posted by: SandEagle

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
It's long but it's worth the read. :wine:

thats what she said

and

dr; tl

Originally posted by: lyssword

Originally posted by: Razgriz
tl;dr

Fat ass lazy asses.

 

[puffff]

I think I'm winning.

 

[Perknose]

Excellent article, thanks OP. :thumbsup:

There is more than one way to be happy, and yet each has its irreversible price. Such is life.

And LOL at the all too expected, combatively expressed 'pro and con having kids' posts, as if there were only ONE way to be in this world.

As for the tl;dr crowd, they are just lame and pathetic --yet fiercely proud of it -- beyond belief and back.

If you really are stupid, shallow and lazy, why advertise that fact?

 

[CRXican]

I posted the link on facebook and I can bet only one person read it, my best friend because he gave it a thumbs up. Ironically he's "ditched" me to go to grad school in Texas and has a g/f that's pretty darn serious. I can forsee us being the ones that part ways after being friends for so damn long. Kinda sad but seems that's life.

 

[rh71]

damn just 1? I was planning on my 2nd coming living out the life of a man-whore. I wanted to give this straight-up clean family man life a shot first though.

Since we're talking about it - kids are a serious drain. I used to be able to save and now I'm just breaking even every month, the mandatory paycut and limited OT hours don't help. It's a good thing we have 2 incomes. We're paying my mother in law $1600/mo. (her previous salary doing a regular job) to watch both our kids (now 14 months). Downside is she's here all hours except the weekends. Anyway, we want a 3rd child but when you think of them as $/mo. (and I'm not talking only about daycare costs) then it makes you think twice.

 

[djheater]

I fell in love and got a girl pregnant when I was 22, still love her as much as ever, if not more, and have 3 kids 12, 8, 5.

I'll say this, never having lived the extended adolescence of so many of my peers, I look at it a couple of different ways. Sometimes I am resentful or envious, other times I feel privileged to have been given a meaningful direction in which I could excel, it's led to many other triumphs in my life.

That being said, since I didn't really choose to settle down, and considering the sideways glances I received so commonly being a young parent, I've never felt that parenthood or marriage alone grants you any inherent respectability or privilege. People don't need to be married or have children to have meaningful, fulfilling lives, it's rather narrow-minded to think that way.

 

[CRXican]

Originally posted by: djheater
I fell in love and got a girl pregnant when I was 22, still love her as much as ever, if not more, and have 3 kids 12, 8, 5.

I'll say this, never having lived the extended adolescence of so many of my peers, I look at it a couple of different ways. Sometimes I am resentful or envious, other times I feel privileged to have been given a meaningful direction in which I could excel, it's led to many other triumphs in my life.

That being said, since I didn't really choose to settle down, and considering the sideways glances I received so commonly being a young parent, I've never felt that parenthood or marriage alone grants you any inherent respectability or privilege. People don't need to be married or have children to have meaningful, fulfilling lives, it's rather narrow-minded to think that way.

Amen.

 

[meltdown75]

tl;dr - for Perk.

because what you post on a message board is 100% of who you are, no ifs ands or buts. you are the sum of your posts.

hmmk.

 

[Gothgar]

ok, I read it

He just repeats himself like 10 times

that isn't good writing

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Gothgar
ok, I read it

He just repeats himself like 10 times

that isn't good writing

Yeah I got major deja vu.

We only get one chance at this, with no do-overs. Life is, in effect, a non-repeatable experiment with no control.

The problem is, we only get one chance at this, with no do-overs. Life is, in effect, a non-repeatable experiment with no control.

 

[MiniDoom]

just have kids in your 30's. I was a drunken raving lunatic in my 20's, got most of it out and had a kid in my 30's. I still find a nice balance of social life and kids and my toys. my wife is also supportive of my bike racing and training so i get out many hours to do that.
also $1600 for your in-law rh71? damn dude... mine watches ours for free...

 

[PricklyPete]

Awesome article.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Cliffs?